Advice? Am I in the wrong?

Hi All, I’m pretty new to this and started my first round of IVF on the 6th Feb. The injections have made me feel nauseous and had a few melt downs! I feel really down at the moment as my best friend just gave birth two days after I started treatment. All my friends have babies and they go to “baby club”. Obviously I’m not going as it’s just a bit much for me at the moment. My friend says I’m not being supportive enough to them but I haven’t had any support from them? Am I in the wrong here? P.s my skins rubbish as well xx

[jm22]

I don't think ur friend sounds like a true friend to be honest. U do not have to go to a baby club, it sounds like they have plenty of support between them anyway. In my opinion ur the one needing support now, I have a few friends with kids and not 1 of them would expect me to "be more supportive" especially not when ur actually going through ivf and things are very raw. This is a time to focus on ur own needs, there is nothing wrong with that, ivf takes over our lives. Good luck with ur cycle xox

[Hidden in reply to jm22]

Thanks so much for your response! Taking sometime out to look after me for once

I will always be staying hopeful x

[Drives in reply to jm22]

Completely agree! You look after yourself 😘

[Nodds]

You don’t need people like this in your life at the moment. The IVF journey is tough enough without being guilt-tripped by baby bores. You are the most important thing at the moment, so surround yourself with happy and positive people who will understand and sympathise with you.

My best friend told me the other day (when she knew I was in the middle of treatment) that dealing with a newborn was more difficult than the SAS selection process... 🤨 a totally pointless and insensitive comment. I’ll not be contacting her til I get a result. #selfpreservation

[Hidden in reply to Nodds]

Exactly what I was thinking, glad I’ve finally come on here as it’s good to hear like minded people’s opinions.

I just don’t think people get it, unfortunately which sucks! Xx

[Hidden]

Hi

I started my first ivf cycle on 6th feb too (cycle buddy!). I had cramps 6 days leading up to my period which was heavier than normal. Ive had lots of headaches and hot flushes. Ive had the odd day when I just felt low like id just lost my mojo but otherwise ive been ok.

I dont agree with your friends comments. You are dealing with for more mentally and physically than they are and you have less support and empathy as theres less people that know what this journey is like. Whereas everyone knows how to support someone with a new born. Try not to let them worry you or stress you out. You need to be cool, calm and, collected.

Hope your ok x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hiya

It’s so good to hear from you, I’ve been feeling exactly the same. I’ve got my first scan on Thursday. I’ve just came off my period which was heavier so it’s kinda good to hear yours was as well.

I’ve just been keeping myself to myself at the moment and taking each day as it comes. Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Happy to talk to you any time. Would be good to keep in touch.

Unfortunately the clinic couldnt get me in on friday when I should have my scan so ive got to wait til monday. Im a little disappointed as I want to get on to the next stage but it cant be helped.

Definitely just take a day at a time but definitely keep talking to people as its a lot to get your head round which is why this forum is helpful.

What time is your scan tomorrow?

Elma x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oh no that’s rubbish but it’s worth the wait, hey we’ve waited this long already!!

It’s a 9am so an early start for me, I’ll then be onto the next steps, I feel really bloated at the moment so hoping it starts to settle down soon.

Let men know how you get on xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

This is true! Exciting! Let me know how tomorrow goes and whether youll be starting the stims! Good luck!x

[_MrsC]

Sorry you’re feeling so low. Unfortunately this can be part of the experience of infertility. Your current friends won’t understand. I actually lost my best friend over it all. I was accused of not being there when she needed me. She just didn’t understand despite me explaining that my mental health was affected. To her, nothing was as important as her and her baby. At the time, I knew if I put her needs before my own I would have probably ended up in a critical state with my mental health. I was already waking up every day wishing I hadn’t. She never forgave me for openly admitting I needed some space to come to terms with my grief. I apologised but was never forgiven. No-one can understand when they’re so wrapped up in their own joy of easy conception. My advice is do what you have to do for yourself and talk to us on here. We understand the pain and there is never any judgement. Whilst I miss my friendship, I have my life now. With time and support, I’ve come to accept our childlessness. It’s still hard but I am grateful for my life and aim to make the best of it possible. Look after yourself; the grief does ease and joy is possible. Sending you a big hug. xxx

[Hidden in reply to _MrsC]

Gosh this message has really resinated with me!! I have spoken too her quite a few times and she was really supportive then I’m just shocked and what she’s recently said. I’ve been trying to visit her and the baby but I keep getting cancelled on. There is only so much you can do. Me and my husband are planning little get aways here and there just for something to look forward to. I have a wonderful life and I see a light at the end of this difficult time xx

[Bellebamford]

stylist.co.uk/life/how-preg...

You are not in the wrong! Please read this, it helped me when I was feeling like you are right now. If your friends think you should be supporting them more then they don’t completely understand how hard it is going through ivf, mentally and physically. Please don’t feel bad, we are here and we all understand how you feel x

[Nodds in reply to Bellebamford]

Great article with some interesting sound bites - thanks for sharing x

[Hidden in reply to Bellebamford]

Echoing Nodds, thanks for an interesting article, really resonated xx

[Elvia33P]

I think that supporting your friends is important. But! Not everyone can find it in themselves. You know. Sometimes, you are just too focused on your own issues that you have no energy left. And that is totally ok. Support goes both ways. I would’ve totally understood if my friend would not just gave her all out in your situation. Do not feel guilty. That’s fine. I have seen all of my friends and acquaintances having kids. And I have been through one m/c after another. And I could not make myself being all that smiley. I tried. Oh yes I did. But it was obvious all of the shit I was going through back then. But now, time’s passed. And my friends totally understand what I am going through right now. They support me. Because it is how life works.

No matter what’s going on, do not feel too stressed. It is totally normal for you not to be over supportive in this period of your life.

[hifer]

I’m very confused! Why would you go to baby club if you didn’t have a child yourself?? I think your friends are being very unreasonable and not very supportive. They should be supporting you now especially as you are going through IVF. I wouldn’t be at all worried about supporting them at the moment and just focus on yourself. X

[Hidden in reply to hifer]

Lol was thinking that myself baby club with no baby odd and how boring for u listening about how many poo's babys had colour and texture. Sac it off go do something relaxing.

[KJLee]

My gosh no!! No way are you in the wrong here. That’s quite insensitive of them to say that - they obviously don’t know how hard the ivf rollercoaster is. 3 of my friends were pregnant whilst I was going through it and they all had baby showers, I didn’t go to any of them as it was just too hard for me. I’ll show my support in other ways. One friend got her arse in her hand, the other two understood. Please don’t feel like you’re in the wrong here. I wish you so much luck for your journey and hopefully your friends will be more supportive soon xxx

[Hidden in reply to KJLee]

I organised my friends baby shower with over 30 people there and I went to all my friends baby showers, I cried after but I went it’s the hardest thing you have to do so I completely understand why you didn’t go to them! I kind of wish I hadn’t now but it’s another thing I’m sure they would complain about!

Thank you so much I literally have everything crossed 😍 xx

[KJLee in reply to Hidden]

Oh well done! You’re more supportive than I could’ve been 🙈 sounds like they’re very lucky to have you xx

[AmyA19]

They will just never get it! Sounds harsh but I'm afraid it's true. I was once told that 'I should be over it by now' - what being childless??? That was a real wake up call for me. You need to focus on yourself and it is absolutely not the time for you to guilt trip yourself into going to 'baby club' (which sounds horrendous btw). I'm sorry you've experienced this and that you've been feeling so rotten. Try and stay positive and take one day at time. 🍀💜🍀

[Hidden]

Oh goodness, how insensitive of your friend. It’s such a difficult time, going through IVF and the emotional rollercoaster we’ve all been through or are still going through is immense. I reacted the same way to Buserelin on our first go; to be honest I’d have gladly thrown myself under a bus!

I’m sure if you explained your feelings to your friends, they might cut you a bit of slack and be supportive. Definitely a time for you to look after yourself. Xx