Today is hard : Today was my brothers... - Fertility Network UK

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Today is hard


Today was my brothers 40th birthday brunch, with lots of family, all now with their own children, and step children, and then this afternoon we are off to our nieces 18th birthday, where once again there will be babies galore! I think the hardest thing is the last time we were all together at this particular family gathering we were announcing our pregnancy, and then we miscarried, now my sister in law will be announcing her second pregnancy today, and the pain is just all too real. The pain that we’ve lost two babies, I’ve lots the ability to genetically have my own baby, and now it feels I won’t be able to carry my own baby, quite frankly I’ve had enough!

Sorry rant over just needed to get it out! Xxx

25 Replies

Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry and I completely feel your pain. This time of year is hard and everywhere I look I see babies or pregnant ladies. I feel the same.

I hope you get through Xmas ok we’re here for you anytime xxxx

in reply to Missy_22

Thank you, sorry I just had a moment! The birthday this afternoon turned out to be lovely, we missed most of the babies and had a good catch up. I think sometimes the thought it worse than the actual event. Sometimes I need to pull myself together!!

Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it xxx

in reply to Aleelilook

Trust me I have many moments!!! Only natural xxx have s lovely Xmas x

in reply to Aleelilook

I'm glad you had a lovely time with your family. I can totally relate to how you're feeling and get myself all worked up before I even get to these type of family events 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sending lots of love 😘 x x x

I know exactly how you feel. I spend/ waste more time getting stressed about events like that and then it turns out ok, glad you had a good time & here's to a lovely & stressless Xmas, X.

I’m sorry. That’s a lot to get through today. Thinking of you xx

in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you lovely x how are you feeling? Xxx

in reply to Aleelilook

Still anxious 24/7 but plodding on. Thanks for asking xx

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this

I never ovulated and just felt like I'd falen at the first hurdle. Few failed IVF cycles in and never a BFP and I thought great my crap body can't even carry a pregnancy when I've done all the hard work for it(!)

We've also had a slew of friends babies and cousin babies this past month. 7 babies! And one set of twins form.ivf too (!)

We were going through IVF at the time and it reminded me that we don't always know the struggles others have gone through in their journey - even those who we think have gotten pregnant 'easily'

I had a cousin who had undergone prostate cancer when he was younger which would have affected his fertility but had 3 kids later in his late 30s. Another cousin who I found out later had endless IVF abroad in Spain before their perfect son and daughter born a couple years apart.

I guess what I'm trying to say is sometimes we can deal with others happiness if we realise they may have gone through struggles too.

It doesn't lessen our own sadness but allows us to cope a bit better.

Maybe confide in a family member close to you that you're finding it difficult even though quite happy for the people's good news - they may be able to protect you a little from the onslaught lol

Thank you sweets, they are all very lovely and considerate, but sometimes it’s just a bit epic xx


I totally understand how u feel. My sister is due her third baby in a few weeks. My friend has just newly had hers then yesterday another friend (who does naf all with her kids) is also due her third child. It’s honestly sooo difficult I just want to scream 😢😢 my husbands finding it so hard too and totally broke down yesterday, which is not like him at all xxx life is soo unfair xxx hope ur ok (as ok as can be) xxx

in reply to Hidden

Thank you lovely, and sending hugs to you too! It’s so hard when you see the husband break down, mine is definitely feeling it this year. It really can be an utter shit at times!! So sorry you’re going through this too xxxx

So sorry you have to experience this. It’s really not easy to deal with these situations and I haven’t got an advice. It looks like you are dealing with this well though as you have managed to take part in the gathering. I think that gritting your teeth and then vent out here on this forum and/or talk the feelings through with your husband might be the best coping strategy. I hope it went ok xx

I’m so sorry to hear this, sending big hugs xxx

Sending you lots of hug xxx

Rant away hunny, sometimes we just need to vent! Life can be so bloody cruel, sending you lots of love x x

in reply to Jonesjp

Thank you! Xxx

I hear you my lovely, but glad you got through today.

We have recently welcomed a new nephew, have a niece due on Christmas Eve and I have just spent the day with my brother and his wife who is expecting too, they fell pregnant the month after I had a miscarriage. It has been doubly tough this year, and I know we both went through the same thing at similar times.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Xx

Hi hun so sorry to read your story and how you are feeling. I had a cycle of failed IVF and two miscarriages. We then fell pregnant naturally and when we went to the consultant at the miscarriage clinic she recommended taking baby aspirin (75mg) once a day. I am now 36w, I’m not saying it’s the answer but I do believe it’s help me sustain this pregnancy xxxx lots of love

in reply to Tiffs

Thank you Tiffs and congratulations!! I’m so sorry for your two loses, it is so very hard 😞

My journey is a bit complex unfortunately, and lots of things have been discovered along the way unfortunately.

I’ve had 6 rounds of IVF (2 with donor egg), and 2 miscarriages. I have lots of eggs but they’re all very low quality for some unknown reason! I have a uterine lining that doesn’t produce enough of the good cells to maintain a pregnancy, but lots of the bad cells, oh and now they’ve decided I might have sticky blood!! And all of this from someone who had unexplained infertility 😂 it all seems quite absurd when you write it down!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy lovely xxxx

Hi Aleelilook, you need to get it all out it is so very tough and I think you are being very brave, its so hard going through this journey and everything you are going through is completely natural.

My two sis in laws announced they were pregnant as I was going back and forth to hospital and eventually miscarried so I have been completely avoiding them as I find it just too painful and after my BFN Friday dreading Christmas and will do what I can not to see them, it's purely for my own self preservation until I feel strong enough, whenever that maybe.

Just do whatever you need to do to get through this. Sending big hugs xx

Oh lovely it’s terrible, I’m so sorry and thank you for your support. I hope you manage to get through Christmas, it would be so much easier if everyone else stopped getting pregnant, just for a little while! Xxxx

So so sorry for your loss. You are very strong to be able to get through all those family occasions. It must be very hard on you. Sending lots of love xx

Hugs to you my lovely! I spotted your response below so glad to hear you went and it wasn’t as bad as you thought. It is such a harsh Journey. Well done you for embracing the celebrations, I know how hard it can be to put on a smile and be happy for everyone else when inside you are grieving. You are stronger than you think! Xx

Hope you got through it all ok, these family gatherings can be very hard with all the bubs..xx

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