days like these 😢: so after all the... - Fertility Network UK

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days like these 😢

vic77
vic77

so after all the positive posts i have hit another wall. at the weekend our new younger neighbours told us they were expecting and it floored us both...they have been in their lovely family home for a mere few months we have been here for 4 years and still the baby room lies empty..then bloody work what's app group constantly pinging as a colleague about to become a gran and am getting blow by blow account and congrats and analysis from other colleagues while I know life goes on they all knew we were due about now too so I feel this is very insensitive then also making me am awful person for feeling this way. plus bloody Harry and meghan all over the news today as I prepare to light 6 candles..5 for our embryos and one for our baby tonight..I went out and got the most appropriate tea light holder I could find and will think of all lost babies and embryos tonight including our own...life is so unfair and today I feel so sad..how for some people they just pop children out and for others this pain..today I feel no joy or comfort and just hope it passes quickly and tom is better. ..at least it is a beautiful sunny autumn day I suppose..much love to you all on here for whom today as like everyday is extremely painful xxxx

62 Replies

Ah Vic I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this today. It’s almost like a physical blow when we hear other people’s news isn’t it. And then the viscous cycle of feeling guilty for how it makes us feel.

I literally cried when my BBC app pinged up about Meghan and Harry this morning while I sat here with period pain, again!!

We’re allowed to feel the unfairness of it all sometimes but we know we’ll pick ourselves up and somehow carry on tomorrow.

Sending you hugs xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Franco81

hugs to you too hun xxx

It is really hard to hear of people falling pregnant.....especially if we think the've had an easy time of it, gets me every time too. I actually saw the news this morning and though "oh great, now we're gonna get this shoved down our throats". I then also felt terrible, I dont know when I became so bitter....I didnt used to be but Im pretty sure its normal as we always feel its got to be our turn soon. Its a difficult time for you with your due date looming and Im sure its making things seem even worse and everything will be emphasised. Big hugs lovely, none of us deserve this but we have each other on these difficult days!xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Cinderella5

thanks hun..your message means a lot it really does...hope you doing ok xxxx

Hidden
Hidden

I totally understand I had a Skype appointment for a clinic in Spain this morning and I didn’t really find the doctor very helpful for our chances and I felt like getting into bed and shutting out the world but I didn’t i went into work feeling tearful, crying in the toilets and then like a physical assault I saw the news and I’m broken into pieces, I’ve been trying for 5 years never given the chance to try IVf with my own egg, 2 failed donor cycles running out of options and they have been married for 5 monsth and she’s pregnant I just can’t handle it today!

vic77
vic77 in reply to Hidden

I know it's so so hard isn't it..perhaps your expectations were too high that your consultant would be compassionate. .I know I have had to lower my expectations of professionals and friends and family massively..also Skype is a hard way to communicate. I am sending you so much love xx

Just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean by others popping babies out easily. I have 1 more week to my test day and I burst into tears when I saw Meghan and Harry’s news. I’m not proud of it but that’s how I reacted. I was just glad for me it is this Monday and not next but then I remembered that so many will be testing today and that this is a day when so many will remember their lost babies. Life is so unfair and it’s so hard to get over it and we are all so brave. I will be thinking tonight of all those who are lighting the candle. Sending love. Xxx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Kari55

sending love and luck to you xx

Hidden
Hidden

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time. This journey is so heartbreaking. I really struggled around when I would’ve been due, I felt better once the due date had passed ( never forgotten but..) We will be lighting a candle for our loss too.

Even tho I’m 7 weeks pregnant I said to my hubby how awful it must be for those battling infertility. I dreaded baby announcements 😢It does seem so easy for them to fall, it makes it look easy! We want a baby & bam it’s happened! I almost hoped for a bit of a struggle ( now I sound mean) to show others what infertility feels like, it’s so taboo & no one mentions it , it is like a dirty word 😢

It took us 7 years & 1 month & one miscarriage to get here. If/when we are 12 weeks & I announce it I will be raising awareness to friends family & colleagues just how tough it can be for some of us to get pregnant.

Cry & rant it is bloody unfair.

My heart breaks for you all going through this & I truly hope each & every one of you gets blessed with a miracle baby ✨💝🤞🏻

I hope your time is round the corner 🌈 xoxo

vic77
vic77 in reply to Hidden

thanks hun..you are always so supportive..not easy for you either xxx

Hidden
Hidden

I'm glad I'm not the only one who took the Megan and Harry thing badly. As I was trying not to cry I just kept thinking how crazy it is I can get so upset over the pregnancy of two people I don't know who have barely been married 5 minutes. Is it normal!

I'm so sorry Vic that this time is particularly hard with your due date coming up. I'm so hopefully we will all eventually get our miricale babies and this journey will have made us stronger. X

vic77
vic77 in reply to Hidden

lol seems them twould ave upset quite a few today. .not that they care I guess but the media does ram it down our throats. .thank goodness we have here xxx

So sorry to read this, the pain of pregnancy announcements never gets easier.

I don’t want to sound selfish as I know how lucky I am at the moment but yesterday my step sister announced she’s pregnant by accident and it floored me, I wasn’t expecting it to but I guess the pain of infertility and knowing what we all have to battle through to get a baby never leaves us.

I to will have my candles lit tonight, not just for my 2 precious ones but one for each baby lost to soon. Thinking of you xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to E_05

thinking of you too hun...keep that baby warm xxxx

I just want to say I know how you feel. The news also gave me a shock and I'm actively trying to not read anymore about it.

I'm sending you a big hug and reminding you to Be Kind to Yourself! You are super brave and have been through so much. xxx

vic77
vic77 in reply to KiraJean

we are all brave..much love xx

Oh it is so hard to see and hear indeed. Just always feels unfair. It ok to feel like this hun. Really do hope it happens for u one day. Big hugs to u xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Dreamingofbaby

for us all..much love xxx

I know this sounds weird but this morning I was thinking maybe a little struggle from a royal couple would help to raise awareness and then literally an hour later bam the news!!

Also

How dared they to announce to the family on Eugine's weeding day, stealing the thunder 🤦

vic77
vic77 in reply to Kiedy84

I dislike them a little more today 😯xx

Sending you love and hugs ❤️

And I had thought it was just me who felt sad and jealous l (& I admit angry) about the royals 😞 I feel like 😭😩🤯😤😖 I’ve had a crap few weeks too, weirdly very similar to you- neighbours popping one out, our “baby room” is still empty after 4 years too. Work colleagues telling me about the other girls having babies, me nodding along oh how nice. As if I am sat there childless by choice. Why are people so insensitive.

It’s too hard to be positive some days isn’t it 😔 I feel oddly reassured other people had similar reactions to me about the news!

I’m so sorry for your losses. Big hugs xxx

vic77
vic77 in reply to AS100

awww thankss hun..we are very similar then. ..some days are just shit then thankfully they pass..8 miss our baby so much but also am so proud to have carried our baby for 12 fabulous very nerve wracking weeks. .got 3rd scratch this week before defrosting our last embryo sof lots onyou mind today...thanks for your message much love to you xxx

AS100
AS100 in reply to vic77

🙏✨💫💝 all the good vibes possible for your scratch & up coming FET 🤞 😘 you can do it!! xxxx

vic77
vic77 in reply to AS100

thank you xx

Hidden
Hidden

Big hugs, Vic. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. It's ok to have down days, especially at a particularly poignant time of the year.

Could you 'mute' the WhatsApp group and not look at it for a while. You still get the messages but your phone doesn't keep pinging and you can check it when you feel ready. I had to do this for the same reason last year. Xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Hidden

lol already did this.

why do I still read tho? sad eh? xx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to vic77

Not sad. I think it's normal when you feel low to do things that make you feel worse even when you know you shouldn't. I hope you're having a better day today xx

I felt pretty mad at the news too this morning! Then I thought, I bet the royals get IVF - they all seem to fall right after getting married. I bet Kate and Meghan (not being royal originally) went through testing before they were allowed to marry the Princes, to check their eggs or whatever.

I came into work to everyone talking about how wonderful it was, shortly after they moved on to talking about a colleague who’s just had her baby last week and how a bunch of them were off to visit her (can’t think of anything worse, too soon!). I sank down in my chair hoping they wouldn’t invite me (they didn’t thankfully). This colleague is one of a few in my team who’ve gotten married and straight away fallen pregnant, all a few years younger than me. They talk about it like it’s a simple choice when to have a baby

It sucks. Maybe Meghan had IVF and will open up about it down the line.

Meanwhile, we can rant to each other xx

Arya10
Arya10 in reply to Arya10

Not sure how factual this is: journalpost.com/news/harry-...

Arya10
Arya10 in reply to Arya10

They ‘consulted’ a fertility specialist - they SO had IVF

vic77
vic77 in reply to Arya10

ffs they can have whatever they want..sucks for rest of us xx

AS100
AS100 in reply to Arya10

I did click the link but it made me mad 😣 eating well and yoga, who knew?! 😉

Arya10
Arya10 in reply to AS100

Sorry maybe I shouldn’t have posted it 🙁 I was going for the angle of they’re not just falling pregnant easy like they’re making out. But yeah the eating healthy yoga thing annoyed me too, that’s working for me right enough!

AS100
AS100 in reply to Arya10

Ah don’t say sorry & please don’t worry for posting link, the royals always seem to irritate me!!! I do need to do more yoga, it is a good reminder! 🤗 😘 xXx

Arya10
Arya10 in reply to AS100

Haha, a reminder... but it is very patronising - I think they’re trying to cover up for having IVF and feeling the need to give reasons why it would happen quickly naturally (‘she’s super healthy’). Have you tried Yoga with Adriene on You Tube? She’s awesome. I don’t do enough either. x

I completely and utterly understand everything you have just said! Every where I turn someone is announcing they are pregnant. My best friends have just had babies, my sister in law and pretty much everyone. I had last week off due to suffering a chemical pregnancy and it was my first day back to work. Turn on the car radio and the news about Meghan and Harry came on. I actually laughed, like ‘are you serious?!!!!’ When it rains it pours they say and quite literally at that. As we venture into the awful weather it all becomes even more depressing. Hats off to all of us amazing women that can fight our way through!xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to silverlini

well said...we all have days like these eh..kick me when I down. .hugs xx

I cried when I heard the Harry & Meghan thing too. They could have chosen not to announce it during pregnancy and baby loss week, which is what I think is particularly unfair. I’ll be lighting my candles tonight too. Thinking of you xx

I know you would have thought their throngs of people would have mentioned this. .I lit candles last year for our embryos and this year for our baby and all embryos and lost babies. .much love xx

Ah so not just me who saw the royal baby news and felt a wee stab of

‘Why is life so crap and unfair sometimes!’.

I love baby news but as I get older I now feel a tad jealous as I say congratulations.

I’m glad I’m not the only one and I hope tomorrow is a better day for you xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Kyell2

thanks hun. .seems a lot of us were irked by royal pregnancy 😡xx

Oh Vicky, I am sure there is some positivity just around the corner. Bug hugs xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Camillage

for us both 💜💜💜

Hidden
Hidden

Awwww sending you huge hugs, I'm sat with tears streaming reading your post , we overheard a conversation of our next door neighbours and we suspect she is pregnant ☹ , you have been through so much more than us, your so strong ❤.

Totally sick of the royals pregnancy too, what a day they chose to announce it 🤬 I can't belive some one in the royal press office doesn't know what this day means to a lot of lady's.

I've took day off work and hubby is coming home early so we can do the candle together .

Oh to top my day off , the vet told me my dog was chunky! I think id of been less offended if she had called me fat!

Sending lots of love

Oh hun..I am no stronger than anyone else on here. .all our struggles are so unique and so difficult ..I her so much comfort in the wave of light and after such a difficult day 2 friends texted saying they were lighting there own candles too..there are sensitive folk out there..just not the royals and aspects of the media xx

I'm so sorry you feel this way, I totally share your pain and have been in the exact same situation when friends that have just started TTC get pregnant in no time. And yes, today I was so mad at Harry and Megan, they just make it look so easy and contribute to everyone's thinking and expectation that you get married and pregnant in the honeymoon... come on! even at 37 lol

Your time will come soon, I'm sure. I don't really know what to advice as I find myself not wanting to meet any of my friends with babies and ignoring whatsapp groups full of happy family pics. I find a lot more support in this chat than in the outside world most days...

Just keep calm and carry on, we knew this was a marathon. It's also OK to be mad at everybody some days, I'm sure that anger explosion helps too ;)

Take care xx

Oh and also terribly sad that it's Xmas again everywhere... that def doesn't help!

Much love to you too pet. So sorry to hear you’re feeling sad today. Hearing pregnancy news definitely doesn’t get ANY easier and like yourself and the other ladies here I got upset about the royals’ baby announcement. Some days I manage to feel genuinely happy for others and then some days I feel so bitter and envious! We had a family christening at the weekend which was really challenging for us. Had to have a few large glasses of wine afterwards! I really hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. Sending you a big hug xx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Dunla

aww thanks hun much love xx

So sorry to hear you’re having a tough time Vic, sending you luv n thoughts!! it’s so hard isn’t it - my due date from my first miscarriage is this Sun!! 💔

Today’s news just reminds us just how cruel it all is for those of us that struggle!! xxx

vic77
vic77 in reply to Leo2017

Oh hun I needn't ask how you are..I been thinking of you so much. .much love and my candles tonight were lit thinking of you xxx

Yes bloody Harry and Meghan!! Wish we could all so lucky on the baby front.

Sending you love, I think many of us had that same thought when we heard about Harry and Meghan. I’m hoping tomorrow is a nicer day for you.

Aww Vic. Due dates looming are such a sad time. I’ve been feeling the same about ours and when I heard the news today about Meghan I thought wow she must have fallen pregnant within months of her wedding. I’m surrounded by pregnant women at work too, one who’s due the week after I would have been and I’ve never disclosed to them that I was due a similar date as didn’t want them to feel awkward around me as somehow no matter what you say people seem to feel awkward around you when their pregnant, that’s what makes me feel even sadder like we’re some sort of Leper!

I have my candle lit, did debate lighting 7 for all my losses but couldn’t face all the questions at work tomorrow as I spread the word on Facebook, so just one big candle for them all.

I cried myself to sleep last night knowing that my gorgeous 11 month old niece doesn’t have s cousin from us. It’s just so hard isn’t it. Sending you a huge hug xxx

vic77
vic77 in reply to baby2016

Oh hun sending love..I do ok then bam I hit a wall every so often..I came out of what's app group tonight to protect myself from more texts about how dilated this woman's daughter is as I honestly can't face the baby photos. .we need to be selfish sometimes and as for the royals. .I have no words 😡lots of love xx

I feel exactly the same! Cried the whole 2 hour drive to work after hearing the news as soon as I put the radio on!

I also know your pain about friends and family pregnancies! My SIL and i were due a month apart. At her baby shower for her twins (which was a torture) they were talking about how her friend had MC’d and my MIL says “ahhh it’s such a shame, it would have been the same age as the twins”. I’m like hello? Am I standing here?

It just sucks so much! It the absolute pits!

Sending sympathy and love x

Oh hun..I have sadly learnt how insensitive folks can be. .at times like these I just want to retreat.so sorry for ur loss..sending love xx

Hi Vic, I think all the ladies have said so much already, I too feel fine and then when my colleague mentioned the royal pregnancy thing to me I have to pretend to smile! Sometimes I can see pregnant women and I smile and be happy for them, other times it’s just to hard to even look at them. We all feel your pain...esp this week - there is this thing at work for BAbyloss but I can’t even bear to read about it as I think I’ll cry and no one at work knows what I have been through and I don’t want to tell anyone just because of this either. Hugs to you. X

vic77
vic77 in reply to londonrc

it's so so tough..nobody really understands unless they have been there..hugs xxx

Ugh what a painful time. Sending you a big hug and tea and sympathy.

Hi Vic, yesterday sounds like it was full of blows for you - days like that completely wipe your energy. I hope you had a better day today xxx

Hello there. How are you doing? I am so sorry to know that. I know how you are feeling. Ican understand your pain. This is too difficult to handle. Your reaction and feelings are natural. This is what a normal human being would feel. Don't feel bad about it. Just give yourself some time. It will be all okay. You will start feeling better. Trying going for a walk daily. Try to start yoga. It will help you in this situation. Stay strong and positive. Keep sharing more. Sharing will make you feel better. We are all here to listen to you. More power to you.

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