The dreaded question : Hey, Just... - Fertility Network UK

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The dreaded question

bec90 profile image
9 Replies

Hey,

Just wondering how other people are dealing with the “when you having kids” or “next step is kids” question as been asked it a lot lately as got married 3 months ago and being asked it more than ever 🤦‍♀️ . People closest to us know our situation but struggling with people at work xx

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bec90 profile image
bec90
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9 Replies

I usually have said "it's not always something that people have control over" or something like that. It usually confuses them enough to shut them up until they realise what an awful question that is to ask. Xx

I used to say that we just want to enjoy ourselves for now and go on holidays and enjoy our money etc. It was hard though as I had to keep saying that for three years x

Jenjen84 profile image
Jenjen84

Hello,

We did get that question a lot when we first got married 3.5 years ago, not so much now! Luckily I think most people at my work have put 2 and 2 together, either come up with we’re trying and not yet hit it or just think I don’t want kids.. It’s annoying how insensitive people can be asking that question as it really is nobody’s business! My husband gets it a lot as he meets new people all the time in his job, he now tells people the truth which either makes them feel really awkward or opens them up to share their own experiences of struggle..

I always just used to cloud over it when people asked and then change the subject.. Best of wishes on your journey xxx

I used to try to change subject quickly & sometimes I’d say we weren’t ready to try.

Later on in the I was more abrupt & said we wanted kids but couldn’t have any. That shamed them! 🤭

It took us nearly 7 years but we got there eventually ( I’m nearly 12 weeks) & so will you. ❤️❤️❤️ xoxo

DianeArnold profile image
DianeArnoldPartnerNurseFertility Network UK

Hi bec90. Perhaps just be careful who and where you spend your time with at the moment, while you feel a bit "fragile". Apart from each other, just confide in one close relative or friend for now. I'm sure people at work will soon get fed up with hassling you,as they see another "victim" to taunt! Enjoy your time together for now. Thinking of you. Diane

Sweets1 profile image
Sweets1

I went along the lines of @hydromermaid-1 we have only been married 6 months, some are still asking. There is no right answer. We have a holiday booked later next year, so I keep saying after that maybe, but that I want to enjoy married life first. Xxx

Kyell2 profile image
Kyell2

Ah it’s so hard isn’t it. I always just say ‘Ah, we’re fine as we are’ but it’s so difficult.

Someone asked me this at work today, I thought it was completely inappropriate but then he said, my wife and I wish we could have children but it’s not that easy is it. I just agreed and felt like a bit of a cheat for not telling him that we are having issues but it’s a can of worms I don’t want to open at work.

As long as you have someone to share the hard times with, it’s no one else’s business xx

emmab178 profile image
emmab178

Depending on how annoyed i was and who the person was (you know like the random person at a training you will never see again or my husband's mum). My answers were:

- we have two, Rufus and beau. Rufus is 14 and beau is 6. Both very different. Wish Rufus would stop murdering animals. Fed up of cleaning up after him. (They look shocked and eventually twig I'm talking about cats)

- didn't realise that children were obligatory after getting married or i would have said no

- i like sleep

- wow, that's a personal question, do i get to ask something completely inappropriate to you now

- I'm barren

The last one particularly shut them up. Brought that out for the random people with hardly any connection to us.

NehaR86 profile image
NehaR86

Whenever such questions comes up I just say - I hope I will be lucky one day...and leave it to them. Random people really do not care and we shall not worry about them. We shall do our bit and rest leave to nature and God. There are only handful of people who worries about you so just talk them and share your life.

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