First post

[Bridget_rose]

Hello all,

Just on the waiting list to start the IVF process (unexplained infertility) and it’s all so daunting! I am 34 and I have found the last few years of TTC so hard already with (what seems like) all my friends getting pregnant and having babies. The feelings are so mixed with joy for them, but also highlighting the anguish at not being a mother myself.

I think what scares me most isn’t the process but the thought that it might all be in vain. I constantly remind myself how lucky I am in every other way and don’t want my life to pass me by while I obsess over wanting something that may never come.

You are all such warriors! You inspire me to face what life throws at me with my head held high. Do you have any tips to stay positive and strong throughout all of this?

x

[Ap98]

Hello Bridget_Rose,

I’m so sorry you have to go through that and I undestand what you feel, I have been there. All my friends have 2 or 3 kids now and this was so difficult for me to see that even if I’m happy for them. IVF is unfortunately a bit lonely process for me. I had difficulties to talk about it to my friends and family not to stress them but also to protect myself as some people can be very insensitive!

I’m now more open about it with my close family and friends because this is not my fault, I have not done anything wrong! This is just life and life can be unfair at times. I’m also seeing a therapist regularly to vent out when family and friends are not enough, plus acupuncture to help with stress, and also this community to realise I’m not the only and by far! And we are here to listen and support each others!

Remember also that you need just one embryo to make a beautiful baby, so take good care of you and your hubby (take muti-vitamines), and I’m sure in few months you will have news to give us!!!

Sending you lots of hugs and positive energy,

AP

[Bridget_rose in reply to Ap98]

Thank you Ap98,

You’re right, it is quite lonely. Friends mean well but a lot of them just say “I know it’ll happen!” Which doesn’t really help because it’s not true! And my husband is so amazing and really wants a baby but I don’t think he will ever understand precisely how I feel. My mum doesn’t understand and I know she doesn’t really know what to say.

I am wondering whether to try acupuncture. I know there’s no clear evidence to support it but a lot of people swear by it.

Good luck and positive energy to you too for your journey,

x

[Hidden]

Hello Honey & welcome!

I totally understand where you are coming from & know you will get a lot of much needed advice & support here. I wish I had come across this place before I was undergoing IVF. I'm 41 so all my friends had kids years ago, some of them were even becoming grandparents while I was still desperately trying to become a mum. It was an unbelievably lonely time. I had 2 mmc prior to this pregnancy & was quite scared in hospital with the 2nd one. My family didn't understand why I wanted to put myself through another pregnancy & it's difficult when those closest to you don't seem to get it. Like you, I was very grateful to be so lucky in the other areas of my life & I think it's important to remember that but I needed to put all my energy into fighting to become a mum. I was extremely lucky in that my first cycle of IVF worked & was so terrified it wouldn't beforehand. All I could do was get as healthy & relaxed as possible before I had IVF , my logic was if it failed I wouldn't be thinking if only I had done this & that etc because I would have been as healthy as I could have been. For me, the physical side of IVF wasn't too bad but mentally it was hard because even though my husband is great I felt alone. Some people will just not understand infertility & IVF so I temporarily distanced myself from those people as I felt I needed to be selfish & just worry about me. Surround yourself with the positive, caring people.I wish you all the best & hope you also get a happy ending. X

[Bridget_rose in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. I do feel like I am temporarily distancing myself from some people and I’m glad I’m not the only one that does this. Sometimes it’s just too hard to be surrounded by all the excitement and noise of others’ families and easier to be self-protective.

x

[chrissie_81]

Hello Bridget_rose, this IVF thing sure is a challenging roller coaster, and trying to keep a positive and healthy mind is probably one of the most important things (and to be honest the thing you probably have most control over). I hadn't been through the heartbreaking TTC journey like you, so I can only imagine how you feel, and I should imagine that you've arrived here pretty exhausted already, but...I would say, please try to stay hopeful, and positivity is key! There's so many positive stories and beautiful happy endings on here from absolute warriors! There's no reason it can't be any one of us holding our healthy little babe in our arms. Sending you lots of love, strength and positivity! xx

And PS. I have been having acupuncture for this my 2nd cycle and I have found it extremely beneficial, I think largely because I've found a practitioner I trust implicitly and I know she's putting all her best energy and vibes in for me (I also actually feel the heat and the energy channels too, I always thought I was a bit of a sceptic, but I really believe in acupuncture).

Sorry for this epic message!! All the very best to you xx

[Hidden]

Hi, Welcome - everyone here is so helpful and so lovely. I am 41 and about to embark on round 2 ICSI, I have unexplained too. You will probably find it easier when you are in the swing of things as you feel really positive then because you are doing SOMETHING to try and make a baby - instead of the endless months of trying and it not working but no reason why - so I actually found once I started I was really positive and didnt think once about it not working! The 2ww was TOUGH though you definitely need mindfulness apps and acupuncture to help you through that! Busy head tastic!

I am about to have my first counselling session this afternoon so happy to let you know if that helps. I haven't really told anyone bar 2 people about going through IVF and my OH is more of a 'lets not talk about it and just deal with it day to day' so I think I have maybe bottled too much up and consequently am having a mini meltdown that it may never happen. If your clinic offers it I would suspect I will say later today that I highly recommend it! A problem shared and all that!!

Good Luck! Here if you have any questions! x