Hiya. Here we go. I have just registered the account on this forum. Never thought I’d do that. Sorry ladies. I am more of an instagram or a twitter person. It’s going to take awhile before I get used to your community. Hope everything goes well.
My name is Anna. I have just opened a local coffee shop and have been busy with being an owner. My husband takes care of money and investments stuff. I am doing the creative part. Anyways, been too busy with our new endeavour. This takes a lot of time you just can’t stop and think about anything else. I still think that career is my priority at this moment. I am only 35 and have a lot of time to raise children even if I wait for 5 more years. Though, we have already planned our first surrogacy appointment. It’s scheduled on Monday 18th. We have prepared everything, contacted this clinic in our state. It’s like a 5 hours ride. But it’s nothing, we’ll take care of it. My husband just needs to get enough sleep and I’ll just drive us both there. But I am not exactly sure this is the right thing for us. I think that we have enough time and will be able to get some more money in the future just so we can get the best treatment out of all. But somehow I also feel this pressure. It drains me in all honesty. Why do I keep thinking about having kids if honestly I don't really want to right now. My husband is really excited. I am going along with him, just because this is what I always do. I love him. And do not want to disappoint him and his family. I think this is the whole point of why I have came here. I don't really know what to do.
Waiting for your advice girls!
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annawillis0
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Welcome! This is a great support network full of knowledge and insight so you've come to the right place.
Your situation is in your hands and you have choices and in that sense no one can tell you what to do we can just share our stories.
I know that many of the women who are on this site is because they have tried years and years TTC and the journey has a large impact on us.
In a way we do think that we have time and push family plans to the back burner but personally this experience has taught me that time is a luxury and you cannot foresee what the journey will entail. For me I was diagnosed with PCOS and told that I do not ovulate so have been booked for ivf in July which will have been nearly 3 years of TTC.
It does take a lot but you think the most important thing is to take some time and really think about what you want and what you'd like to focus on and speak to your husband and both be on the same page keeping the communication strong.
I've learnt that I can't get everything I want when I want it.But I persevere hoping that one day I get to have a positive result.
Have you frozen your eggs? Have you had tests to check your reserve etc? Or maybe you will have an egg donor so either way just get all the info you need prior to deciding.
If a family is something you'd like to wait for for 5 years that's of course something that everyone should respect and you should have all the research and information so you understand the timelines for surrogacy.
Wishing you all the best on your journey and hope your meeting on the 18th goes well. x
Thank you for stopping by. I was quite ashamed of me leaving such a joke of a post here. I obviously am new to this world. I have never experienced any infertility cause hardships… This is the most I’ve been through. I am still weighing the options. I know that adoption might be or is even harder than surrogacy. Surrogacy is something that I still have on my hands. We have money and lots and lots of free time if you think about it. But the irony here is that I am not sure. I do not know whether I want having kids or not.
Thank you a lot. We’ll be going for full surrogacy with donor eggs. I can’t neither have kids nor bear a baby. That’s the thing.
I knew that before everything. And have opened before my soon to be husband. And thought that I just erased all of the issues that may appear in the future. I was wrong. Now, we have decided to take a pause. My husband just do not want me to do something I do not want to. The dr advised us the same. He said that this is a very serious and sensitive matter. We should respect other people’s hardships as well. I think. I just cannot be so stupid and go for a baby not knowing anything about surrogacy or motherhood at all.
Thank you a lot. This all means a lot to me. Reading your supportive messages.
And I am really sorry if I do sound a bit entitled or something..
I hope that your journey is smooth whatever you choose by having all the research and meetings at least you can understand and it will help you to make your decision when you are ready.
It's so important to put yourself first and to take care of yourself and taking time out to decide is very wise.
Please do not apologise we're all on our own journeys and we're all sharing our stories which takes deep courage and we're all here to support and listen to each other and we're allowed to allow ourselves to feel whatever crosses our paths.
Sending you lots of love and well wishes on your journey whatever you decide. xx
I hope things get better for you. I dont understand why he is forcing you into something that you are not okay about. I would suggest that you talk to him clearly about this. It is important to speak or else you will be in the chain forever. Maybe if you are not comfortable in talking to him talk to a therapist. Good luck to you. Sending prayers your way. Stay strong and positive.
Hi! Thank you for your support! I guess he did not know about my real thoughts on it.. I kept hiding them. It was a mistake. However, we’re good now. After having some major conversations about the issue. We’ve just spoken about not pursuing surrogacy at least for a few months. I asked if 1 year of waiting would be an issue. He said no. Of course not. That he loves me and wants the best for me. But becoming father is his greatest dream. And I totally understand that. And I want him to be happy as I said. But I just cannot force myself into it. I have too much doubts. And I do not want to cause harm to a baby. Everyone deserves to be loved. And what if I won’t be able to form any connection with a child. It’d be so bad.
Dr said us to just stop. As long as neither of us wants it wholeheartedly. Wait for when both of us are confident in this decision. And it was so good to hear. I was afraid of speaking up. But turns out it was all for nothing.
Thank you again! Your support means a lot. I was so nervous coming here with such laughable concern. And now I feel a lot better..
Hi Anna! I hope you are doing better! You did not post any updates here. Are you alright? Have you told your hubby about your feelings? Or did you just go with it? I do not think that surrogacy or any fertility treatment is something you can just go for and feel ok. It is incredibly stressful even for those women sho desire getting pregnant, want to have kids. So I am not sure how you'll take it when the process starts. It is really important to want it, just because it is difficult.
I myself have trouble finding strength sometimes. We wanted it, we initiated the process together. Neither of us would go for surrogacy if the other half did not agree to it. I am sure your hubby thinks that everything is totally fine. But if things are not that great, it'd be better to tell him that. You are lucky you are doing it in your home country. So you can just call it quits anytime (I guess?). We've spent a lot of time and money (not that much but still) on traveling to the clinic and back. And we are planning to be doing so every time we can. And imagine if some of us were against it?
It'd be a disaster.
I think it is always better to be totally open with each other. Especially considering this sensitive topic. Surrogacy is not for everyone. And being unprepared for the baby is even worse. But maybe you'll get to that point when you also want a baby, it won't be that quick I guess. Our agency promised we will become parents in a year and a few months. Just because it is incredibly tough to match a surrogate. Ukrainians are as strict as Americans when it comes to this.
Sorry for just leaving a post here and never coming back. It’s been a wild few days. We have had plenty of discussion since the consultation happened. We went to the clinic. Drove in total 10 hours there and back. And all of that awkward silence that went after I just told that I am not sure whether this is the right thing to do. I said that I haven’t been thinking about kids at all.. And my husband was shocked. Dr told us that we should just stop. And this is the advice I’ve been hearing from everyone. And I guess this is what I need to do. I just need to not think about that, or just get more information. I know how hard it is for some. For me it is not. I know that we’ve got money and time. And I still lack the desire..
I said that maybe adoption is a good choice. But since I’m afraid that I won’t be able to form a bond with a newborn… I think that it’d be even harder with adopted child. What do I do? My husband said that he’ll give me some time. That I should just thnk. Just play with the idea of becoming a mother. As due to the early diagnosis I have never considered becoming a mother. However, I knew that it is inevitable. Or is it? I do not know. What if I will never ever want to have kids? What if I lack something… what if I am simply unable to feel anything like this??
That's totally fine hun! Great to hear that you are in a better place right now. I hope your husband was not angry or upset that much. Sometimes we all get disappointed by people whom we love. But that disappointment comes from that inner entitlement. You never know. You never know and that’s why you should always ask another person. Twice. Three times. Especially when it comes to surrogacy!
I really hope that you decide something. Not today or this week. In a few months, few years. But you’ll find out. What is the best for you.
Sometimes our wishes do not come along with those of our significant others. But whatever. We do what we can to find the middle ground. And perhaps adoption is a better route to undertake. I do not know. It sounds hard for me. Harder ten times more than traveling abroad. I really think that surrogacy is a much faster and cheaper route than adoption. If you want to think about, try it in the future. Or even if you are not sure at the moment. I would totally recommend you diving into it. Honestly, you should’ve done it before the consultation. But that’s ok. DO some research. Read about other women’s experiences. That’ll help you a lot.
Thanks for supporting me! Once again! This means a lot. I was reading about surrogacy. We’ve got a lot of promotional stuff from the clinic. We were advised to go through all of them. And after we’re done to read some more info on the internet. Just to build the system. Still have a lot of questions, but nonetheless things are starting to get clearer and clearer. All makes sense now. Well, not all but a lot of things do. My husband discovered that he does not know everything as well. So we’ve been having some time together. That’s one of the positives that happened after the consultation. At least something good.
How did you find out about everything? I suppose you should be very educated on the topic of surrogacy. Could you please share some information. I am now in the mood of reading about it. It looks a lot more interesting than it did just a few days ago.
We’ve been researching for awhile on the internet. But we had the firm idea of what we wanted. Unfortunately, we do not have a lot of money. Even though my husband also owns a business. So we did not get to stay in the US for the program. Anyhow. We had read a lot of information, basic stuff. We also went for a few initial consultations in the centers near us. Just to get the gist of it. But eventually we were recommended a clinic. As we have been focusing on the clinics abroad and surrogacy abroad as a whole.
It’s always the best to get information from a real person. Yes, reading forums helps. A lot. But it is nothing compared to having a live conversation with someone. So we have always preferred contacting clinics rather than reading the information they have on the website. Also wanted to say that you should never feel guilty about anything. Your issues are your issues. And no one should judge you by how you react to certain things.
I see. Makes sense. It takes a lot of energy I take it. I thought that surrogacy is expensive everywhere. Well, to be honest, I did not even think about the prices. At all. And even now I only think about the process itself. I am just an observer. That’s my only role. Perhaps, if my husband wanted he could’ve just go for it without me. If that’s even an option..
I am still confused. I do not know what to do. It is like everything is back to normal. But it’s not. It’s like I am waiting for something to happen. I feel a bit pressured though. I do not know how to describe it. I feel like even though we paused everything. I feel like I need to make a decision. The decision. The right one.
Not everywhere. Some people become medical tourists just to escape the money trap.
I suppose that it is possible, surrogacy when you are an only parent. However, some countries do not allow that. It is more likely if you go independently but it is risky.
Have you thought about counseling? That should help.
No. That's just that I have heard of people getting scammed or something by their surrogates. It is really important to trust a third party. They'll guide you and stuff.
This is just my opinion. Some are very lucky! Some are not. This is just how life works.
I hope you make the right decision. No matter what you should be your first priority. No one has the right to pressure you into surrogacy or anything at all. Try to take it easy and step by step. I think that you going to the initial consultation was a bad idea. You should’ve had just a simple idea of what surrogacy is. I hope you are educating yourself now. Just so you know what it takes, how hard it is for someone. I am not trying to blame you or anything. This is just my advice. I really want to support you. And hope that your relationship with your hubby is not ruined.
What are your plans from now on? I’ve briefly read your updated replies and I take it you are no longer pursuing this route?
I wish you luck with any endeavor you plan to undertake. We have only started with surrogacy. However, received no major updates. I think that it’ll take a long few months before we get news. This is why I wrote all of the above. Hope you understand!
oh yes. It was a bad idea. I had to know better and tell my love what I actually feel like. But I will be reading a lot about surrogacy etc. So I hope that everything will be great.
Thank you so much. I would not call it a treatment. As we also decided in favor of surrogacy donor eggs. So, just a peaceful participant of the process.
That's great that you and your husband have found the middle ground. How are you doing right now?
I will when I have some We have been just messaging back and forth with the manager, but the surrogate will be matched in a few months or so. At least this is what we are hoping for. We acknowledge that the matching process may take less time than we were told it would. But it is always better to prepare for the worth case scenario.
Thank you for asking! We are doing great. I am still as busy with my business as I was before everything. But I feel like I really overreacted you know. I should not have gone here and vent. I should have just told my husband everything I feel and what I actually want rather than creating all of this drama... Not my style honestly.
I am hoping that you become parents soon. Although not having the desire to be a mother, I still think that it is really important for the majority of the women and you should get what you want!
Just believe in the best.
Can I ask you a question though?
You said that you were with an agency of some sorts, right? And as I take it they are responsible for choosing your surrogate? Uhm. Is it right though? Yo not having any control over something that is so important...
I am sorry if it came out to be insensitive. I am really curious. I have imagined that it'll take a long time to choose the right woman. And the consultant has told us almost the same. That we can go ahead and start looking for a surrogate or else they will offer us a database of women or something.
Sorry for answering the question first. Just wanted to address your question. It is fine if we are talking about gestational surrogacy. I mean. Women choose to go for it as well as IPs. There is nothing wrong or immoral of any sort. Although this is just my opinion...
Good to hear that. It is just.. I really think that surrogacy is something that is really personal. And isn't it kind of offensive when you just give your clinic the right to choose who is going to be carrying your child? Would not you want to form a bond with a woman before she signs the contract or something? I am really sorry if it came out rude. I am fully aware of your situation and keeping my fingers crossed that you will be totally satisfied with your agency's choice I am happy for you!
Thank you! I do not think this is offensive at all. I support all women who decide to go for surrogacy. What if someone does not like somebody's appearance even though it is a gestational surrogacy. What then? I am prone to making lapses of judgement. And it is ok, we are all human. And it is what we do, we make mistakes. And the best is to learn from them. And so to not make any misjudgement, I think this is totally fine if the clinic is responsible for choosing your surrogate.
I do not see anything wrong with it. I get that it may come out a bit insensitive but as long as both parties are ok with it, it should not be an issue for anybody. I think that the woman who is going to be carrying my baby will 100 per cent be a great match. It is a gestational surrogacy. And it means that the baby will not be genetically related to the SM. so as far as she does not smoke or drink alcohol, I am down.
If you put it that way. Yes, it does kind of make sense. However, not so much in my opinion. You would want your surrogate to be a decent human being. And as far as I understand if you are going abroad you have no control over the SM. And it may be scary don't you think? You would want to have the opportunity to contact your carrier whenever you want (as long as you do not abuse the power). And what about meeting with her, communicating. talking about all the things? What if she is not attached enough to the baby she is carrying so she does not care about the child at all???
I do not think that it is an issue at all. The management provides surrogates with the best care possible. They also have to undergo monthly checkups to see how they are doing as well as if they are following the rules properly.
I personally think that being too attached to the baby may become an issue though. For us and for the surrogate. it is hard enough to give away a baby that you have given birth to just now. Imagine what it would feel like if the surrogate would be too attached. I can't even think of it. But we are planning to send gift and letter through our manager though
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I am more of an instagram or a twitter person. It’s going to take awhile before I get used to your community. Hope everything goes well. 
**Sensitive post** first ever BFP ‘unexplained infertility’
First Post - IVF journey 
First post - scared and hopeful
First post here. :3
First post - embryos on board
