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Fertility Network UK
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What has this experience with infertility taught you?

I spend a lot of time working through the challenging emotions along this journey. Sometimes it helps to step back and reflect on what you're grateful for in a difficult experience. Today I asked myself what this experience has taught/is teaching me. It really helped me understand that maybe this is happening for me and not to me.

I believe this experience is helping me to become the person I'm meant to be in this life. This experience is teaching me about faith, renunciation, surrender, coping with uncertainty, the value of living in the moment and how to recognize and move through difficult emotions. I'm also learning to accept myself for who I really am and I'm improving my relationship with my body. I've gotten very clear on what actually matters to me. For all of that, I am extremely grateful.

Now I put the question to you, what has this experience with infertility taught you?

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That's really positive, after all you have been and are going through. Amazing to hear some thoughts and positives about it.

It has taught me not to jump to conclusions and to take more time when making decisions. It has taught me penitence (which I have never had) and I've learned that I am stronger than I think I am.

I think I have more compassion for others too, I feel I have always been compassionate but I am even more so now.

There's probably much much more but these are the first things that came to my mind.

xx

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Great post and important message. I have always been a planner and organiser, some would say a control freak. I always focused on the future. This process has taught me how important today is and no matter how much you plan it doesn't change some things.

I appreciate that both me and OH are healthy. I know things could be much worse.

It has also taught me who my real friends are. The ones who ask how I am even if they think it will upset me because they genuinely care.

Lastly it has taught me to be so grateful for my OH. He is my absolute rock and I would have fallen apart without him. Stability and security is key. Xx

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Agreed, a very positive post. Thank you.

I think it has taught me to look for the positive in everything, patience and also agree with you on learning to listen to my body. I have experienced alternative therapies I had never even heard of, and it has also taught me to not sweat the small stuff! I get much less hung up about small things than I used to. I guess it's all relative..

Xx

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Really good question to ask! I think that this whole experience has definitely taught some harsh lessons, but I like to think my OH and I are stronger because of it.

Mostly, I think the toughest thing I have learned, but probably the most important thing for me to realise in my personal journey, is that just because you think you're a good person, it doesn't mean the world owes you something, and it's not a certainty that things will go the way you want. Life is ultimately unfair and that wallowing in that doesn't change anything- the only thing you can control is how you react to what happens to you- and there are always other options, just sometimes you end up going through different doors to the one you think! x

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Great post... this journey has taught me how strong and resilient I am. It has also made me more compassionate to others and to also myself. It has also shown me how strong my relationship is with my partner and how much he really does love me. Also, I find that I’m less likely to be annoyed by small silly things and I can always find a solution to something that would have me so upset before my journey and I just don’t let minor things bother me. I also value life a lot more and don’t take family or friends for granted. Im sure there’s more but that’s all I could think of at the mo xxx

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Great post! I actually asked myself last week whether I would take away the infertility years and the whole experience and I was quite surprised myself when it was clear to me that I wouldn’t take it away, despite of all the challenges.

The infertility made me discover better food and cooking. I lost weight by eating healthy and developed a hobby for creating new dishes from scratch. I feel healthier than in my 20s!

I have also made meditation as my daily practice and discovered amazing authors, learned a lot about human nature and mind from Buddhist teachings.

I became more sensitive to other people’s crisis, I’m kinder and more emphatic but I also learned to set boundaries and put myself first when appropriate.

But most importantly, my marriage deepened even more, I appreciate my husband more than ever and trying to cherish every moment.

I’m convinced that if I ever become a mother, the experience will also contribute to be a better parent.

Thank you for posting this! X

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I totally agree with this, personally I feel if I ever become a mother i'll be a much better person/parent having gone through this x

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I fully agree with this too. I feel that this tough journey will make us better parents and so appreciative of our little miracles when they come.

I too have begun to learn about Buddhism and try to practice it's teachings and meditations. I feel I am becoming more spiritual and developing renewed faith and acceptance in trusting the path as it unfolds.

I also feel I am learning to have healthier boundaries and balance in life and to place a higher precidence on self-care rather than thanklessly depleting myself in work, friendships and other areas.

Foodie, this is a lovely and important post as it reminds us that despite our struggles, we do have so much to be grateful for and each experience truly gives us the opportunity to develop and enrichen our lives. Xx 😊

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Great post, i have found questions like these to be very positive and healing. My experience with infertility has taught me that it's okay to show your weaknesses, to depend on others, and to be more honest about how I feel. I always thought I'd be able to take this journey in my stride, but found that strength comes from sharing a burden sometimes. There are so many strong women here, I always find it inspiring to learn we are not alone. Xxx

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It’s a really nice idea to share this. It has taught me how unfair life is. But more constructively, to be more considerate in how I speak to other people. People have a tendency to want to make things ok and I think that’s whats behind a lot of the hurtful comments we get ‘just relax’, ‘it will happen when the time is right’ etc. I recognised I was inadvertently doing something similar to people in other situations e.g. telling an ill friend waiting for test results ‘I’m sure it won’t be anything serious’. I’ve learnt to acknowledge people’s pain rather than minimising or glossing over it it to save myself from feeling uncomfortable.

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I agree with this - it’s harder to do but more empathetic. I’ve also learnt the difference between sympathy and empathy. Xx

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Wow, that is so positive. And all the response. You ladies are certainly inspirational.

Im certainly not in that headspace right now. Maybe thats were I should be aiming but unfortunately not there yet.

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Thank you for sharing. Everyone finds their own way of getting through this. There’s no right way. We all have our good days and bad. We’re here for you. Xx

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thank you

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It taught me that I am a really good mum. I know that it probably sounds so arrogant coming from me, but I'm proud of myself.

After ttc for over 4 years, we were blessed with our gorgeous son. During our journey I had to watch dozens and dozens of friends, colleagues and family be lucky enough to fall pregnant easily, even accidentally, even regretfully. We had to face months of sadness and unsuccessful ivf before our little frozen embryo implanted itself deep into.my uterus :) our miracle baby.

I've watched some of these friends, colleagues and family take for granted their fertility, with some barely able to parent to a basic level. I don't want to ssound like I'm comparing or criticising them all. I'm not. Just the handful who really couldn't be bothered. And I look at mine and my husbands parenting and I smile. Because we are doing a bloody great job. It's the hardest job we've done but we love it and we are doing it well.

Never ever will we take for granted out baby..you can see that. And I can hold my head up and say I'm a good mum doing my very best for my baby.

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I love your post 😊 xx

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Oh wow. Thanks. I reread it through after posting and thought I sounded a lot less optimistic and interesting than some of the others on here!! But really, I feel so proud :)

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Though it has taken years to get here, in the long run it has taught me not to take anything for granted, and to appreciate my blessings, and value the love and support I receive from those around me. I value the strength of my marriage and the unwavering support of my husband who has been by my side through it all. My experiences with infertility led me to learn about mindfulness, meditation and acceptance. I have learned that there is very little in my control and that I am happiest when I can let go and accept life and all things in it, as they are. I constantly surprise myself with my own quiet strength and what I am capable of enduring.

I have learned that I am not alone, even if I have felt that way many times, and that we are stronger when we are bonded together by common experience, empathy and feeling xx

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That's beautiful xx

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This is really well put - that fertility struggles is happening for me not to me.

4 months ago when I was about to go into a lap&dye I wouldn't have said that, I was rock bottom, literally an on the floor mess but change is possible.

This experience has taught me to love myself a whole lot more than I did a year ago for example (when I was in the I'm a failure, I'm not enough of a woman if I can't have a baby stage) . Also how to be angry in a healthy way, feel emotions not supress them and move on.

(I would add I am having therapy and having a great OH too - not just doing this on my own)

A whole bunch of other stuff too I'm sure ! Thanks for posting XX

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Wow, my heart is full from reading all these beautiful, inspiring responses. Thank you all for taking the time to contribute. It’s really wonderful to see all the strength and wisdom we have in this group. You’re all such strong, amazing women!! I feel truly blessed to be a part of this community. Xx

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Infertility has taught me to not ask sensitive or prying questions of others. Any subject involving a life milestone (babies, marriage, engagement) must be treated carefully and with sensitivity.

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