I just wanted to update you all on our journey. So our early preg scan (6 weeks) showed and empty sac... told to come back 2 weeks later... I bled at 7 weeks but with no clots or pain so I was still hopeful (ish). So anyways - today was my 8week scan. Sadly we have lost our baby - to make it worse doc said I'm about to ovulate- (just rub it in my face mother nature). Sort of relieved that my HCG has came back at 10 today so we don't have to go through more testing-my baby is just gone - quicker than it came!
That's round 1 of IVF. I dunno how I'm supposed to feel- empty ? Sad? Am I allowed to grieve for something that was so small and undeveloped ? Feel like hubby has taken it better than me so I have put in a brave face (I just wanna eat chocolate and cry-maybe have a gin or 6).
So how do we move on ? We are back on the list to begin IUI. I'm just grateful (in a strange way) that the embie implanted and done what it should have - why my body rejected it we will never know? Should I be feeling ready for round 2 so soon ? Am I really? Has anybody else had failed first attempt IVF and then success after one round IUI?
Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to share our journey so far.
Thanks as always for reading.
Jess xx
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Chatty-chick
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Of course you are allowed to grieve! You lost your baby and all that you had hoped for it, no matter how briefly you were pregnant. Eat the chocolate. Drink the gin. Cry as much as you want xx
I’m so sorry to hear this. Of course you should grieve. I was horribly upset after first round and I was only two weeks past transfer! I haven’t had IUI but I’m going for follow up appointment in October. You should take time to think about how you feel about it all. I was really angry, not sure why but I was surprised at how angry and upset I was (still am). Do exactly what you feel like doing and be kind to yourself ❤️ xx
Do you know what I'm ridiculously most angry about? People who decide one day they want a baby and then the next announcing there pregnant. I'm also angry at people who go on to drink and smoke throughout their pregnancy and have healthy babies. It feels so unfair.
Oh -we might end up being IUI buddies!
It's a real shit situation- no matter whether in two week wait or after. Just questioning myself- I feel massively guilty ... guilty for just wanting to move on to the next stage. Guilty my body wasn't good enough for my little embie.
Yeah I agree with you, and people who take their children for granted! Can’t stand it when we want it so bad! Hopefully I’ll have a frozen cycle before Christmas but I’m not counting on it, everything seems to take ages!
I know what you mean about the guilt, but you don’t need to feel that way. I have started to see it as how it’s meant to be. I feel like it’s meant to happen some other time or way, and when it does it’ll make so much more sense then even though it’s heartbreaking now.
Sending much love to you, and as I say, just do what ever you want to do for now. There’s no food or drink restrictions for now, drink and eat what you can’t when you’re pregnant! Let’s keep in touch ❤️ xxx
Hey, i had miscarriage after my first round of ivf. Its absolutely necessary to grieve i feel anyway, this is a heartbreaking journey. My oh has taken it better obviously he is really upset but he is looking forward to round 2, where as i feel i am not ready and actually feel scared to go ahead with it. I continually am thinking why did this happen, what could of been wrong?
Its really a shit situation but im glad i was able to go through it as not all women even get a bfp, and i agree some women are announcing pregnancy the next day and some are continuously having abortions (one girl has had 3 where i work) and i feel heartbroken. Sorry for the long post but go with how you feel, you know your body better xxxxx
Oh I'm sorry to hear of your MC first time too. I know it's quite common but you just can't prepare for it-especially after everything us IVF woman have to put in to get there.
Yes - I totally agree - I have spoken to family about this and said to them we could be in a much worse position (like some woman sadly are). My body allowed implantation and the development of the pregnancy sac but sadly our top grade embie wasn't quite strong enough.
Cry as much as you need to sweetheart. This whole journey can be an absolute pile of shit at times so you just need to do what you need to do whether it be eating a tonne of chocolate, getting drunk or even punching a wall! There’s no need to be brave, nobody will expect you to be but if you feel strong enough and you are able, whenever you feel ready start looking to the future and taking the next steps do it, it’s not over til it’s over. Sending you lots of love and a massive hug 💕 xxx
You are definitely allowed to grieve for your loss; Take your time, cry as much as you want, but at the same time take very good care of your health. I have experienced having empty sac before, 2 times unfortunately, and told everyone I’ve lost a baby so they have to give me some space. Sending hugs xx
Aaawh hun, so so sorry you’re going through this. My heart breaks for you 💔
Let yourself go through all the emotions you need to, to get through this. Do whatever you need to do. Eat chocolate, drink gin, have lots of caffeine whatever it takes!
Bless you, I was hopeful that 6 weeks was too early and it would turn around for you.
Hopefully, when you’re ready of course, your next round won’t be too far away.
I know I was so convinced my little baby was going to grow BUT at least I know my body is able to implant and grow the sac. I am glad of that positive and of course grateful.
I'm Keen to start the next round ASAP-we have waited 5 years for our precious baby!
I am so sorry to hear this. You are defiantly allowed to grieve. People deal with grief differently too so while your oh seems to have ‘taken it better’ he may be hurting as much as you. Never feel like you have to put on a brave face sweetheart. It’s normal to feel the way you do. I am so sorry for your loss xxxx
Agree with everyone else you are so entitled to be upset. A miscarriage is so upsetting. You can't help but be excited when you get pregnant and its so upsetting when things don't go the way that you hope it would
Your so right and with IVF we have so much waiting around! Like the days after the egg collection- the two week wait-the HCG tests (I had 5 every 2 days) - the early preg scan - the second scan - more HCG.... we are the strongest woman!
Can't begin to imagine what you're going through. Definitely eat the chocolate, drink the gin and have a good cry 😘 Try and share how you're feeling with your hubby too....he may be putting on a brave front for you. Everyone copes with grief differently so don't be afraid of showing your emotion. Sending you lots of love x x x x
Hi chatty-chic, I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your baby. I have just been through a similar situation (3wks ago) and know how painful it can be so you are absolutely entitled to grieve. I too felt guilty about planning to go again but I have booked into the clinic for Dec, for me planning the next round has been the only thing I could do to feel like I hadn't lost complete hope but I do feel anxious and not as excited as the first (didn't respond to the meds) and second go (via ED), only you can decide what is best for you and you need to give yourself time to grieve.
Whilst I was sat in the hospital waiting to go through with medical management a young lady was waiting for a scan and you could smell the cigarettes on her, I got so angry! My oh has handled it really well too and keeps saying we need to stay positive but that can be really difficult and people handle grief in different ways.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this too hun & even worse that you needed medical management - I am so grateful my body done that bit naturally I can't imagine how hard that was for you ♥️♥️
I, like you, am ready to move forward with round 2 - we have been waiting 5 years I so want this bundle of joy to come our way !
I'm not surprised you felt so angry - hate woman who take pregnancy for granted (hates an awful word - I'm sorry !) Some body I worked with drank all the way through her pregnancy and went on to have a healthy baby 😡😡 three children to three different dad's (totally doesn't know who the dad's are). Sounds ridiculous but I couldn't even look at her when she got pregnant for the third time.
It is hard to stay positive - especially after going though MC or failed treatment but we need to - we are the strongest woman xx xxx letsstay in touch - I'm hoping my next treatment will be around the same time as you zxx
Hope your doing ok hun,sorry for delay in responding. Yes we will definitely stay in touch, it's always good to have a treatment buddy to keep each other sane(ISH) xxx
Im so sorry for your loss. Its one of the hardest things you will have to hear during a cycle, i got to 7 weeks and 1 day. Im still grieving now my little one should have been 4 weeks old now.
Its hard but it goes get a little bit easier. Take time for yourself. Lots of love xx
I'm sorry to hear you've went through that too- I think I prob lost the baby around 7 weeks too -i had no pain. Just light bleeding. Did you go on to having successful treatment ? Ignore that question if it's too painful for you xxx
I suspect your hubby is putting a brave face on for you, that's what I did when I first round didn't work, I was devastated but felt I couldn't show it as my wife was in pieces. Looking back and much later after many more cycles when we had fertility counselling, she assumed I wasn't effected by it as much as she was! I used to bury myself into work but I was heartbroken.
DO grieve, tell your hubby its OK to cry and grieve and neither of you need to put a brave face on for each other, its bad enough having to do that for friends and family and work.
Please try not to blame your body. Most miscarriages at eight weeks or before are to do with chromosome abnormalities in the embryo. Embryologists can’t see these problems in their microscopes but your body will detect them and do what it is designed to do- end a non-viable pregnancy. There’s nothing you could have done in that situation and there is unlikely to be anything wrong with your womb/body. Remember at least 1 in 4 women experience miscarriage (I’m also one of them). It doesn’t make it any less awful to know that it was probably an embryo chromosome problem (which is usually a random occurrence) but it is something that helped me not to carry guilt and blame about my body after I miscarried.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a chemical pregnancy last year & it’s devastating.
Grief is a very personal thing & there is no wrong or right here it is whatever feels right for you. For us we were keen to try again.
I know it doesn’t feel like it but it’s good your body has adjusted well; it took me a few months to ovulate after our loss & that was frustrating when we wanted to try again 😢
I agree strongly with lizzylizzylizzy it’s likely a chromosome issue with the embryo & nothing you done wrong, I know it doesn’t make it hurt any less. That’s how I chose to see mine.
I also tried to take something good from something truly horrific ; we got a positive. First ever positive in 6 years of TTC! It’s progress.
When you feel ready you will know & you will find the strength to keep going ✨
For now be kind to yourselves . My thoughts are with you during this difficult time xoxo
Thank you for your kind words. It's a tough life for us to lead going through all the emotions of IVF.
I am also keen to try again - we have waited so long to have our precious bundle! But of course that leads to more waiting... I'm back on the list... It's going to be at least 6 week's- however , that gives me 6 weeks to get my body back to strong and healthy xx Xxx take care lovely. X xxxx
I know it’s very crappy 💩we always appear to be waiting for something! 😒
I’m not sure how many cycles you have to have before you can try again with a MC, I know with a failed cycle it’s usually 3?
If you feel ready get the ball rolling 🙂 and like you positively said you can use this time to get your body in best health 👌🏻
Perhaps you can contact your specialist & ask if there is anything else you try for next cycle?
There’s no reason to think just because this pregnancy hasn’t worked out doesn’t mean the next one wouldn’t 🌈
I’m quite naughty I take low dose aspirin now when ttc as I read that can help prevent miscarriage (. I also have endometriosis so it’s good to have anti inflammatory. )
Keep us posted good luck xoxo
In response to Jess question my clinic have said they like you to have 3 bleeds before trying again as it gives your body time to recover but other clinics may give different advice xx
Hi Jess , the same thing has just happened to us too 😔 I have put on a brave face as my partner seems fine too but crying inside , but stay positve as you know you can get pregnant 😊 my clinic advised that at this sad time theres still positive for trying again because of this.
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