So here I am, just 2 days in to the 2 week wait and as we have not told a soul about this I felt the need to write it down and hopefully get some supportive vibes from people going through the same thing.
Our first try with IVF was last October. I had a fresh transfer at 5 days with a top grade blastocyst. Thrilled to get a BFP and everything was going wonderfully until just before Easter when a scan at 23 weeks showed our daughter had died.
Once physically recovered I wanted to try again as soon as possible. My body craved pregnancy and I missed my baby so much. We were lucky enough to get 4 frosties from the fresh cycle. One failed upon thawing, and one came through the process really well. Had that one transferred 2 days ago. When we went through the fresh cycle we told everyone, and I felt very supported. This time around, we haven't told anyone. After losing a pregnancy at 5 months it was difficult to contemplate going through it all again with everyone knowing.
So now we wait, again. I'm nervous as hell. I'm nervous about whether it will work again or not, I'm nervous about it working and being pregnant again as I'm scared stiff I will lose it again. I'm a wreck! But I have to act normal as we are going on holiday with my in-laws on Sunday for a week and as they don't know I have to pretend nothing is going on.
Sorry for the long post, I just felt the need to rant/share!
xxx
Written by
KTL80
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Hey 👋 so sorry for everything you have been through. I know how you feel. The thought of a bfn is terrifying but on some level, after a loss, the thought of a bfp is equally terrifying. I hope that you and Hubby are able to get some time to yourselves on holiday. Good luck for a speedy and positive tww xx
I can only imagine how painful it was to lose your baby at that stage hoping all goes well for you there are lots of ladies who have a successful pregnancy after a loss and I am sure you would be monitored very carefully x
Thank you all for your kind words. It is honestly such a comfort to know others are going through this IVF journey and can sympathise with just how arduous it is.
Today is OTD. I tested first thing this morning and under the light of our bedside lamp it was negative. We were heartbroken and cried for a while. I eventually opened the curtains and went to throw the test away. In proper daylight however I noticed a very very faint thin second line. I know you are supposed to disregard any result after 10 minutes but we also don’t know if that line had always been there and we just couldn’t see it earlier in bad light.
So, I have no idea what to think now. I’ve left a message for the clinic. I haven’t started bleeding. I guess we will test again tomorrow morning, but making sure of good lighting!!!
I can’t help but feel hopeful, but I hope the inevitable hasn’t just been delayed for another day, especially as tomorrow is our wedding anniversary!
Thank you, I hope you're right but I've spent the morning (while meant to be working!) googling, which I know is the worst thing to do. Apparently the Clear Blue tests are notorious for evaporation lines which appear after the allotted time. I am utterly convinced this is what we saw. Only time will tell I guess! xx
Just to confirm, it is definitely a BFN for us this time around. In the words of my husband when I shoved the definitely negative test under his nose.... "well, we will just have to try again".
Thank you for all your kind words.
Wishing you all lots of love and luck on your journeys, and may we all reach that much hoped for destination.
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