Next step on the baby journey! Looking for points of view and advice

[Heregoesthen77]

Hi Ladies,

I hope you are all well.

It has been about 6 months since my last post and I wanted to say a big Thankyou to all of the ladies that replied to me with advice. I decided to go ahead and have my lap and tube op. Left tube was taken and right tube was left in as it’s fine. Large fibroid found.

I’m now feeling back to normal and working on my weight loss & getting fit. I’ve also got new job just started seemingly less toxic environment just trying to get used to people being trustworthy and nice at work. Think this will take time!

I’ve had fert counselling and decided to go for next op which is myomectomy for large fibroid found. Consultant says recovery 10 months. I need to save for double donation in Spain after this. Planning end of 2020 (I will be 42).

My question is (after horrid conversation with my semi estranged older brother that he thinks I’m making a mistake doing this) should I leave the ivf and just save for house deposit and driving lessons and adopt instead or keep pursuing my dream even though it will take a while to get ready for it. Any opinions welcome, help am stuck!!

Apologies as this is mega long email.

If there is anyone going through the stuff I have mentioned I’d be happy to help with advice or what happened for me.

[Tugsgirl]

Hey 👋 I have no experience of the troubles you’re experiencing but I just want to wish you well whatever you decide xx

[Heregoesthen77 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Hi Tugs girl. That’s really lovely of you! 😀. Thankyou.

I’ve just read your bio, do you mind me asking how you are doing and coping and where you are in your journey now. You sound incredibly brave!

X

[Tugsgirl in reply to Heregoesthen77]

I don’t mind at all. I’m currently stimming for my second fresh cycle. I have a scan tomorrow and hopefully EC will be on Monday xx

[Heregoesthen77 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Hi Tg

I hope you scan went well today and you got good news ready for Monday ⭐️x

[Tugsgirl in reply to Heregoesthen77]

Good and bad, or rather slightly worrying news as I have 19 follicles but now they’re worried I’m going to have ohss 😫 xx

[Heregoesthen77 in reply to Tugsgirl]

It’s great that there are so many and I am sure that you are being monitored v carefully. I get it can be worrying but it could also work in your favour. I hope it goes well and you dont have ohss. Just have to wait and see I know it’s a pain in the arse but hold on 😀

[Cinderella5]

Glad to hear that your OP went well! All sounding really positive that you have changed work and getting fit.... can be a good thing too. As to regarding with your brother, Im not sure he's the best person to give advice especially when you havent been getting along. I can completely understand that he sees a mortage is a way into a stable life and adopting afterwards however would you regret your decision of not having a go yourself although of course there are no guarantees? Its very easy for others to preach these things and not when they arent going through it. I think you need to go with your heart and do what's right for you and sod what other people are telling you to be honest. You will probably have to save for both so why not sit on it for a while and save like crazy, get some money together and see how you feel nearer the time. You never know if you are super good you may have more money than you thought...also have you thought about other countries such as Cyprus or Greece whom offer treatment a bit cheaper? Might be something else to consider!xx

[Heregoesthen77 in reply to Cinderella5]

Hey Cinderella5,

Thanks so much for that! What lovely message Thankyou for taking the time.

Hope you are alright. I hope things are going well for you? What stage are you at at the moment?

Those are wise words....

I think it’s best not to talk to my siblings about it too much as I am semi estranged but they are still protective. I don’t think that ever goes away! 🤪

Deffo looking abroad and keeping options open. One day at a time I think.

I’m doing lots of research right now and Trying to see what’s viable. I would deffo regret not trying again before trying plan B.

I think the chat with my brother knocked my confidence. My sister was a bit annoyed and told me it’s none of his business anyway!

Precisely why I didn’t talk to them about the first cycle 🙄 way too much Drama!

I’m hoping u don’t have drama like that!

Xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Heregoesthen77]

You're welcome, I think it just helps to get it our there. It really doesnt help talking to negative people and can put a dampner on your hopes and dreams, and afterall they are your hopes and dreams so nobody else will understand apart from other in similar positions. There is nothing wrong with adoption but I understand that physically having a baby is what most of us dream for. As you say, one step at a time...lots of research and saving and you can see where things take you in time.

I mostly have support so Im very lucky. We have 3 embryos left and have done 4 transfers now with 6 embryos, 3 of our OE and 3 DE without success but plan to keep going for now.xx

[Heregoesthen77 in reply to Cinderella5]

That’s it Cinderella5

I totally agree it makes sense they way you word it. One step ata a time! Thankyou! That’s the thing about attending support groups and talking to people about it on here etc is that you can almost always find some one who understands what you are saying without having to overexplain or justify!

Well it sounds like you have been incredibly strong and by the sound of the advice you dispense it helps you to keep going. Really good luck with your next stage and keep in touch.

⭐️x

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Hey lovely, you’ve really been through the mill. Apologies if this has been suggested before but have you been to any adoption information evenings? We went to a local one which gave us the chance to talk to parents of adopted children, and this helped us to clarify our thoughts on adoption. It was not pushy at all. We also went to the alternative families show in London last autumn and that was helpful re thinking about adoption too. It might just help you to feel you had fully considered it in case your brother or others challenge you again?

[Heregoesthen77 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Hi Lll,

Thanks so much 💕

Don’t apologise in the slightest. I do have a very close family member who is adopted and so for me the info events would be more about logistics than anything.

I have some literature on my local organisations in prep so yes deffo.

It’s a tricky one isn’t it but we are all going through it aren’t we 🤓 in some way or another. So lovely how supportive everyone is even when you post mad ranting messages like mine!

Thankyou for your kind words 💕

Xx

[glt01]

Im a different situation to yourself but thought i would just message, i try to live my life by the will I regret this decision in 10 years and flipping a coin. My theory (A bit mad but bear with) when you flip a coin, the moment the coin is in the air you're wishing for either heads or tails so that's your answer. Never look at what the coin landed on but make your decision on what you really wished for when the coin was in the air and it was all uncertain. Also ask yourself (if you don't fancy the coin) will I regret this decision in 10 years, if it's a no then go for it. It's your life and life is too short to take notice of what other people say, so good luck in whatever you decide and I hope you get the outcome you want x

[forMoira]

I think you should keep pursuing your dream. You have the rest of your life to buy houses.

You could also start the path to adoption now and see how it feels. It is a long process and at the end of it you may feel less inclined to do the double donation thing. Who knows, you may want to do both.

I started the process to foster / provide supported accommodation for a teenager but I felt very patronised and lost faith in the system. I may one day go back and try to go through it again but in many ways it pushed me more into ivf. I'm now pregnant at 42.

Hold onto your dream.