Silent miscarriage at 8 wks - advice on next steps

[Elmo13]

Hi ladies,

So on my 4th transfer I finally got my first BFP ever only to end up with late onset OHSS and a 5 night hospital stay.

OHSS has only finally started improving after 4 - 5 wks, but at our 7 wk scan last wk we were told that the embryo was measuring small with a slow heart beat. A scan this week confirmed no heart beat. Absolutely gutted. Still processing the last couple of months.

Have to figure out how to manage things now and just wondering if anybody had any advice of whether to go for surgical or medical management? From what I’ve read I’d prefer surgical so it’s over and done and so I can move on but I’m a bit concerned about scarring or complications making a possible future pregnancy even more difficult.

Any advice would be welcome. Thanks so much. Xx

[sj482]

I don’t have any experience but didn’t want to read and run. I am so so sorry you are having to go through this. Thinking of you. Xx

[Elmo13 in reply to sj482]

Thank you so much for taking the time to send some comfort. Really appreciate it. X

[Habibi87]

I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. I had a missed miscarriage of twins in 2020 where no heartbeat was seen at around 9 weeks. In our case they really recommended surgical management and from a physical point of view it really worked well and I am glad we followed their advice. I didn’t have any scars or any side effect though it took almost 6 weeks for the pregnancy test to turn negative. Emotionally, I still think of them with love and with a deep sense of loss, but we have also found joy again in our life. I want to send you lots of love and support ❤️❤️

[Elmo13 in reply to Habibi87]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss too. I’ve never experienced anything like this and didn’t expect it to hit me like it has. Although at times I wonder if I’m just being a wimp?!

I just want this over now so I can recover so really leaning towards surgical management. Reading that everything turned out ok for you after your procedure helps reassure me. Xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have had similar a number of times and had surgical management 3 times. For me I needed to get the physical over so I could deal with the mental side of things. The op is super quick - 45 mins or so and I had minimal pain or bleeding after all of them. I didn’t have any issues with scarring either. It was the right choice for me to help me move on quickly. Sending love xx

[Elmo13 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for replying and sending support. I’m so sorry to read about your losses. You wrote exactly how I’m feeling- that I need to get over the physical so I can start the mental healing. I’m starting to feel less scared about going for the surgical option. Xx

[Kittykat198]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had the same experience earlier this year. I would opt for surgical management but they did warn me it can impact your lining for a bit after (consideration if you are thinking of jumping back in as I did but don’t feel pressured and I do think I should have taken longer). Surgical intervention was a morning job and then biscuits on the sofa by the afternoon. Sending love x

[Elmo13 in reply to Kittykat198]

Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. And I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you’re doing well.

Tbh I think my body needs time to recover from the OHSS as I still look around 4- 5 months pregnant (ultimate kick in the teeth!) so I’m not planning on jumping straight in.

I feel so much better about going down the surgical route having read everybody’s replies and comments. Xx

[Nattsplatt]

Hi,

I’m sorry for your loss. It really is devastating after finally getting a positive. I had a missed miscarriage at 10.5 weeks a few months ago. It was such a shock to be told there was no heartbeat and probably hadn’t been for 2 weeks.

I too opted for surgical management in order to ensure I got it over with. I had heard too many stories of people who had medical management that didn’t fully work and dragged the whole thing out, with them still needing surgery in the end. I ended up having to wait a week and a half for the op (as the hospital was so busy) and things did start to happen naturally in that time, but there was still some pregnancy tissue left so the op went ahead. It was straight forward and the staff at the hospital were amazing - it definitely was the best option for me. Went back to work two days after the op. No scarring and my body was completely back to normal in a couple of months (physically at least).

It’s still taken several months to me to move on emotionally but you will get there. There were times I wondered if I’d ever have a day without tears but I have, and now I’m able to look forward rather than backwards again. (Having my next go at things on Sunday, with my first FET)

Take care of yourself as you work through this horrible time xx

[Elmo13 in reply to Nattsplatt]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I am definitely feeling better about going down the surgical route. Just still in shock that I find myself here.

I do hope you’re doing well both physically and mentally after all you’ve been through and I’m so sorry for your loss. Good luck with your FET on Sunday. Will be keeping everything crossed for you. Xx

[MissSaoPaulo]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've recently had surgical management and I found it a thousand times less traumatic than waiting to miscarry naturally. I had very little discomfort and bleeding afterwards and compared to other miscarriages I'd managed at home I felt I'd practically skipped the physical pain. If only there was a way to avoid the emotional pain... but I did find it easier to get everything done with as quickly as possible.

I had vacuum aspiration rather than D&C and the Dr assured me there wouldn't be any damage to the uterus or lining. So maybe have them clarify exactly what the procedure would be?

Sending you big hugs xxx

[Elmo13 in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I just had a look at your previous posts and can’t believe what you’ve been through. I am so sorry for your losses. I was really heartened to read your most recent post. Stay strong.

I will def check with the hospital about vacuum aspiration. It wasn’t even offered so will find out more.

Thanks again. Xx

[Koala365]

I wish I had opted for surgical management straight away when I had my missed miscarriage. Instead I went for medical management but despite some bleeding, I was one of the apparently small percentage of people they don't work for and after waiting around for quite a while a scan confirmed that everything was still there and I then had to have the surgical management. I had no issues with scarring or thinner lining. It did take a while for my HCG levels to go down. I haven't managed to get pregnant since sadly but what, if anything, that has to do with the surgical management I don't know. If it ever happened to me again, I would go straight to medical management. I am very sorry for your loss and hope you get this done and are able to move forward

[Elmo13 in reply to Koala365]

I’m so sorry to hear about your experience and hope that you’re doing ok. I initially was considering medical management but feel far more comfortable with the surgical option after reading peoples personal experiences they’ve been kind enough to share, such as yours. Xx

[hifer]

Hello my lovely I’m so sorry for your loss. I had an MVA and a D & C for 2 missed miscarriages so I share your pain. Whilst noone can advise you what YOU should do I can only tell you that it was the best thing for me. I knew my body would take ages to miscarry naturally (many factors here) and I needed to have the procedure and move on. I was so utterly heartbroken both times that I needed to draw a line under the procedures and start the grieving. You are right, there is a very slight change of scarring etc but it is minimal (and didn’t happen to me). There is also a chance with medical management that you may not be able to pass all the tissue anyway and therefore will end up with surgical intervention. It’s just not a win- win situation 🤦‍♀️. Thinking of you whatever you decide. Xx

[Elmo13 in reply to hifer]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I’ve been quite overwhelmed at how helpful and kind everybody has been on here. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this yourself. Once is bad enough but twice, my heart goes out to you. I agree with you completely, I just need to be able to move forward and draw a line through this. Xx

[Catlady12345]

I’m so sorry this is happening, I have had exactly the same thing this month.

I opted for the medical management (I’ve had them 3 times now). The first 2 times worked really quickly, everything was passed and I was glad not to have surgery.

This 3rd time the tablets didn’t work as quickly, and although I was in hospital anyway, they gave me about 7 rounds of tablets. It was over 36 hours before I passed everything and a scan a week later showed all was fine.

With the tablets, I’d say it depends on your pain tolerance. It’s very painful I’m not going to lie - basically like contractions and you can feel quite weak. For me, I just didn’t want anesthetic and any risks of scarring etc. my cervix is also quite damaged from previous things so I just wanted as ‘natural’ as possible. If I had to go through it again though I think I would opt for surgical management purely due to less pain and the fact it’s over quicker.

Whatever you choose, you will be ok and will get through it. Sending lots of love xx

[Elmo13 in reply to Catlady12345]

Thank you for your message and I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through and are still going through.

I’m worried about the pain with medical management as not sure I’d be able to cope. I think it may just be too much for me to deal with emotionally as well. Just want to start to feel like myself again. Xx

[Catlady12345 in reply to Elmo13]

I totally understand. I was prescribed codeine alongside paracetamol which definitely helped but it sounds like the surgical option may be best for you so you can move on quickly and less pain etc. good luck lovely, you’ll get through this xx

[Elmo13 in reply to Catlady12345]

Thank you for being so supportive. Xx

[Roobs33]

heya,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this ❤️ I had a missed miscarriage at the end of Feb, also found after a repeat scan at 8 weeks as measuring 9 days behind the previous week. Nothing can prepare you and I hope you’ve got lots of support right now. For me I just really wanted it over with and didn’t want to be waiting around so that I could move on mentally. The surgery is pretty straightforward and it has the least chance of any tissue being left behind which was another reason I went for it. I also have severe Endometriosis and was so worried about how painful it would be to pass naturally. They couldn’t offer any advice about that so I didn’t want to risk being in agony after everything. I then waited until the beginning of July to start a fresh round. They said June but I got covid in May so delayed it one more month. I don’t think there was any scarring as it didn’t effect going into the next round. Thinking of you and take time out to do some nice things for yourself and rest lots xxx

[Elmo13 in reply to Roobs33]

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. And I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and hope you’re doing ok. You’ve said exactly how I feel, just want to get it done so I can start healing mentally. The past couple of weeks have felt like a couple of years! Xx

[flamingopher]

I’m so sorry for your loss. My experience is from the other side - I’ve looked after a lot of women having surgical management. It is a quick procedure and afterwards it might feel a bit crampy but isn’t normally painful (physically anyway). Most people wake up and ask if it’s done yet, and then have a very understandable cry, and are able to go home a couple of hours later.

There’s no right or wrong answer, choose what you feel is best for you. Big hugs xx

[Elmo13 in reply to flamingopher]

Thanks so much. Really reassuring to hear your experience of the other side of it. Appreciate you taking the time to message xx

[Katxx]

I’m so sorry for your loss 💔 my heart breaks for you as I know exactly how you’re feeling.

I bled & went for a scan to be told there was no longer a heart beat, when I should have been 8 weeks, was my first ever bfp too. I just wanted to get out of there & left, but I rang them two days later & decided to have medical management, which they got me in that day.

Was done very quickly & sent home, but what followed quickly was excruciating pain & I’ve never seen blood like it. I was very close to going to a&e & still bleeding now over a week later.

I would never personally choose that option again, I know it effects people differently, but just thought I’d share my experience.

When people found out of my loss, it was surprising how many of them had lost a baby too & it really helped to talk to them.

Please talk & don’t keep things bottled up, it really helped me.

Thinking of you, you will be ok ❤️❤️ Lots of love xx

[Elmo13 in reply to Katxx]

I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry that you’re still experiencing such heavy bleeding - hope you’re doing as ok as you can be and that you have support around you.

I didn’t tell any of my closest friends about the cycle as I didn’t think I could face them if it was another negative. My family are trying to be supportive but I know it’s difficult for them as nobody knows what to say or do as I’m usually the tough one.

The ladies like yourself on this forum have been amazing with the support. It helps to know that you’re not alone. Please take good care of yourself. Xx

[KediT]

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Sending you love & light

[Elmo13 in reply to KediT]

Thank you so much. Xx

[AMJean]

I’m so sorry to hear this. I had bad new at my 12 wk scan(on a Mon). I chose surgery ( after hearing you may have to have it after meds anyway) and was booked in for the Fri but actually miscarried later on the Monday night without intervention. I guess that’s the least invasive way for it to happen. I wish you healing and health moving fwd whatever you choose. Sending love xx

[Elmo13 in reply to AMJean]

Thanks for your message. I was hoping that would happen with me but no signs of bleeding yet. Booked in for Thursday so I still have time I guess. I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you and hope you are doing ok. Xx

[ButtercupGarden]

Hi Elmo, so sorry to hear you are going through this. It's heartbreaking. I had the same a couple of months ago and it was an awful time. My experience was that once I stopped taking the hormones it all happened naturally. I think it was about 4 days after I stopped. Physically it wasn't too bad, mentally and emotionally much worse!

I hope you have the support you need to get through the next few weeks. Be kind to yourself, sending hugs!

[Elmo13 in reply to ButtercupGarden]

Thanks so much for taking the time to send me a message. I’m so sorry that you went through something similar and hope you’re doing well. Have my procedure in a few days so hoping I can start to draw a line under things and move on. Xx

[Aula4567]

I was in more or less the same situation half a year ago. I was so extremely worried about scarring that I opted to take misoprostol. I did two rounds and it was extremely painful since I didn’t get any proper pain killers (I had proper contractions). Unfortunately neither worked fully so I went for a suction/vacuum aspiration. The doctors were extremely careful as I told them my story (1st pregnancy after several rounds of ivf) and my fears. Unfortunately that didn’t work either so I did two more rounds of pills, which didn’t get the rest out so I needed one more d&c. I convinced them to do it with hysteroscopy after hearing that is part of the standard procedure in some countries. I don’t know how it is where you live. They used a camera to see where the rest of the ‘tissue’ was first and only scraped in that area, not all over. It was successful and I felt really good about it. I am now doing my next round and in my two week wait. If possible, I would ask if they could do a hysteroscopy. I asked the day before my procedure and convinced them to do it. Even if they can’t do a hysteroscopy, you could consider telling the doctor how worried you are about scarring (because you would still like to have a child) before the procedure so that they are extremely careful. It might give you more peace of mind. It helped me relax. ☺️ Best of luck.

[Aula4567 in reply to Aula4567]

And I’m so so sorry for your loss. ❤️