Going mad?: Hi there, Please help me... - Fertility Network UK

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Going mad?

Maria12345
Maria12345

Hi there,

Please help me! I think I’m actually losing the plot!

I’m 8 weeks pregnant but can’t stop thinking that I may have had a missed miscarriage!

I’ve had light brown bleeding/discharge for roughly a week so had a reassurance scan not the Monday gone but the one before and a heartbeat was viewed.

I just can’t get the worry out of my head! I think about it non-stop, in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning...

My last pregnancy ended when my daughter was born prematurely at 23+6 and she died so a massive part of my ‘issue’ is that I know they can be ‘taken away’ so easily and without warning.

Can anyone give me any advice to help me be sane? It would be really appreciated! :-)

Thank you, Maria

PS I didn’t mean to cause people additional worry! Just trying to explain.

19 Replies
oldestnewest

You’re not going mad Maria. No words of wisdom I’m afraid as to how to cope with it but just wanted to tell you I think this is entirely understandable. Having suffered 3 MCs one of which was 16 weeks I know exactly how this feels. My goodness 23 weeks I can’t imagine how awful that must have been. I am like you, it’s when I go to sleep, when I wake - and constantly checking for bleeding (especially as I had an SCH just recently). I guess we just have to take each week at a time and trust in our bodies (yeh, right 🙄). Massive hugs (and congratulations 💜) xx

Maria12345
Maria12345
in reply to WeeMrsH

Thanks MrsH :-)

I don’t know how you’ve been through 3 MCs and keep going. I knew this was going to be hard but didn’t realise that was going to lose my mind. I just hope, hope and hope again that things will be ok as that’s all I can do.

Bleeding, particularly red bleeds are so so scary - I feel for you.

Congratulations to you too! At least we are lucky enough to have the opportunity of being driven mad by pregnancy!

I have a scan in a couple of days and think the closer I get to these, the worse I get! Your little one looks lovely in your scan pic! 💕

WeeMrsH
WeeMrsH
in reply to Maria12345

Am I right in saying you used donor eggs? We did too - in Greece - I keep telling myself that the eggs are different therefore the embryo /baby is different. Stay strong, all will be good xx

WeeMrsH
WeeMrsH
in reply to WeeMrsH

And as Zoe says below I think you’ll be consultant-led too, when you see your midwife she will hopefully reassure you that you’ll get extra care xx

Maria12345
Maria12345
in reply to WeeMrsH

Yes that’s right, DE in Spain. Good point about the different embryo! I’ll add that reminder to my self talk/stay sane repertoire :-) x

Hidden
Hidden

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter- it’s understandable that you feel the way that you do. I don’t have any great tips. I haven’t been through what you have but the only way I get through the pregnancy is by telling myself that I am doing all that I can to be healthy and the rest of it is out of my hands- I don’t want to look back and think “the pregnancy went by and I just worried all the way through it” (in a kind way- I don’t judge myself) and if something bad happens, then I had some joy before it did. I have found counselling helpful for talking about my anxiety.

By the way are you under a specialist clinic? if your daughter was born at just under 24 weeks, that would normally mean you should be referred...

Wishing you all the best in your journey xxx

Maria12345
Maria12345
in reply to Hidden

Hi Zoe, thanks for your message. Yes, I’m having regular scans and checks with an early pregnancy clinic and will move to the preterm clinic all being good.

That’s a really good point about not wanting ‘worry’ to be the thing that stands out from your pregnancy and trying to focus on the joy. I’ll try and think that way.

Thank you for your kind words x

Hidden
Hidden

Hi Maria, I'm so sorry to read your having a difficult time & about the loss of your little girl . I don't have any advice but I'm feeling pretty much the same. I had 2 missed miscarriages previously so having another one is my biggest fear. I'm 18 weeks now & have had 4 scans so far... I'm reassured after the scans for a couple of days then worry again! Like you say, it's the fact that we know it can be taken away so easily that's the problem. I guess it's pretty normal after a loss. I just try taking each day at a time ... What else can we do? I hope you have a happy & healthy pregnancy & your precious baby is in your arms before you know it 😘 xx

Maria12345
Maria12345
in reply to Hidden

That’s the terrible thing isn’t it?! You count down to these scans (and if you’re like me, the closer you get, the more you worry!) to only be reassured for such as short time! 😩

Missed miscarriages just seem so cruel. I was devastated when my daughter was born prematurely but to lose a baby and not even know it has happen until afterwards - it must be truely devastating. I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through this. I think this is partly why I’m so worried, don’t want to have any more sorrow.

18 weeks - I’m really pleased for you. It won’t be long until you’ll be feeling baby moving around. 😌

Thank you so much for your warm wishes X

Hidden
Hidden

I was just talking to my OH and saying - I hope it is all still ok in there...

I am 8 weeks too.

So hard to relax when you can't know for sure....the time between scans is so so slow.

I have no advice...but can see why you feel the way you do.

Hope as you progress you can begin to enjoy it.

Sending Love xxx

Maria12345
Maria12345
in reply to Hidden

Thank you very much.

My husband is doing so well at remaining positive despite my constant worry. They are good like that aren’t they 😊.

Time does seem to go slow. The best time for me is when I’m at work at my mind is busy. X

Hi Maria

I think we are allowed to be worried, its understandable after what you have been through. I'm currently 6w4d, my last 2 pregnancies have been unsuccessful. I had a scan last week and there was a lovely strong heart beat. I'm having a scan tomorrow and I'm terrified! I've had a little blood when wiping and I'm so worried that I will go tomorrow and there be no heart beat! I'm also worrying because I'm worrying!! Xxx

Maria12345
Maria12345
in reply to JKT90

Hi, thanks for your message.

I do feel a bit better today than yesterday thanks to people’s advice.

Glad that the heartbeat was strong. 💕 And best of luck for tomorrow. X

I had a lot of spotting/bleeding too at the start so was also anxious like you. The only advice I can give you is to ride it out and try and distract yourself. I also booked a private scan, which helped to reassure me. It will get easier. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your little girl. Sending you huge hugs xx

Thank you Charlie. 😊I’m trying to keep distracted-the best place to be is at work as I don’t have a minute to think!

Thank you for your reassurance too!! X

Don't worry about it so much this time it's going to be different you have to think positive and pray and all is going to be ok. Good luck

You’re not going mad. If you look at my recent post, I started with brown discharge/bleeding on Sunday and posted on here for reassurance. I spoke to the ivf clinic and the emergency gynae clinic on Sunday who both told me it was perfectly normal in early pregnancy. On Monday I spoke to my community midwife for extra reassurance and she sent me up to the emergency gynae unit as she didn’t want to take a risk with an ivf pregnancy. The gynae unit told me again it was perfectly normal but still arranged a scan for me on Tuesday because of how anxious I was and thankfully everything was fine. Apparently it’s very common and normal to have brown discharge in pregnancy and the gynae unit told me they would only be concerned if it was a bright red fresh bleed or was accompanied by cramps and pain. Do you have a local emergency gynae unit you can go to for reassurance in view of your history? Xx

Hi Sarahlou,

Thanks for sharing what you’ve been going through. It helps to know that a few of us go through these things and everything is still ok. 😌

I’m under a specialist clinic because of my previous preterm delivery and I have a scan with them tomorrow so it’ll settle my mindone way or the other. X

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