Dear colleague, please don't show me your baby photos..

[FakeHappy]

Hi ladies. Wanted to ask some advice about how you deal with people showing you photos of their baby /grandchildren when you're struggling to conceive? Today a lovely man at work was showing me photos of his latest grandchild, completely unsolicited, and gave me a knowing look as if to say 'it'll be your turn soon' - I said something like 'if I ever get there' as he knows we had a miscarriage last year and he just said 'you will'.

Doesn't seem to consider that it can be more complicated than that or that maybe I'm not childless by choice! I have been open at work about fertility treatment (he's a bit out of the loop as he doesn't work with us full time) but it's so tiring trying to explain every time why it isn't that simple and it makes me feel sad though I know he means well. Any tips gratefully received! Xx

[Sarah_S]

It's really tough when people mean well, but haven't come across infertility in their lives so don't consider the appropriateness of their actions. I would usually just say I was busy, or needed the loo or something to get away from having to look at the photos. If anyone persists, and you feel strong enough, maybe just mention it makes you feel a bit sad. If you're open about your fertility treatment at work, then maybe get a friend to speak to him on your behalf, if you want to. Unfortunately there are lots of triggers around which make us feel sad during this journey (pregnant women everywhere!) - go home and give your OH a big hug, and remember having a good cry sometimes is good for you instead of bottling it up xx

[FakeHappy in reply to Sarah_S]

Thank you, I think next time I have a chance I'll say that we've been referred for fertility treatment as he won't necessarily know as he comes and goes depending on how much work we have and wasn't here when we got referred at the start of the year. Just really hard to avoid it when he was like 'oh let me show you something' and before I know it he's showing me his sweet new baby grandchild 😢 xxx

[Kathryn1984]

I’ve not experienced this yet, but my mum has. When I fell pregnant my mum was very excited as she doesn’t have any grandchildren. Unfortunately I miscarried at 10 weeks. My Mum was devedtated. She’s retired, and goes to a walking group. She says that there’s a couple that go that are constantly either showing pictures of their grandchildren to everyone. It upsets her quite a bit. I feel really bad for her. But she just says “that’s lovely “ to them, and tries not to show she’s hurt. I think I would just say I didn’t want to see because of my loss, but I’m more straightforward than my mum. She wouldn’t want to offend anyone.

[FakeHappy in reply to Kathryn1984]

Your mum is sweet. People will ask mine when I'm having a baby and she just says it's none of their business which is true! I don't have so much patience. People with children just seem to talk about them all the time and I don't know why. I love my husband and am proud of him but don't go on about him! #rant lol xx

[Kari55]

I always just say “lovely, cute” and ask some questions about them etc. as I feel there is no other option really. I think after 3 years I got used to people being insensitive. If my friends start bombarding me with the photos of their kids, then I say they are lovely and change the subject gently and start sending them photos of my garden, recent travel or something else that I enjoy. It does get me down sometimes but I try to acknowledge this feeling and not dwell too long. It took me a while to improve the way I react and I mainly learnt it from my husband who somehow just doesn’t feel sorry for us despite the fact he would love to be a parent. Xx