We had two rounds of ivf with donor eggs. First time BFP miscarried at nearly 6 weeks. Second round BFN. As I am 42 nearly 43 and hubby is nearly 52 we thought we would get our donor eggs and use the embryos we got which turned out to be 4 so two rounds then stop.
The journey like everyones was hard, emotional and exhausting.
The feeling of disappointment was overwhelming.
So now we are chatting and think should we give it a last try? Neither of us can decide🙈
I think do I want to feel those emotions again? If I do get pregnant I know I will live in absolute fear for nine months. At our ages should we just embrace our good life. Walking through Gatwick yesterday seeing parents struggling with little ones I think is that for me? What would life be like if we did or if we didn’t?
I think more on my side I am on the no side but I have a picture of my husband with his friends new born and I struggle to look at it because it’s all he has ever wanted. His ex wife and him had an abortion years ago when they were young then couldn’t get pregnant and I know he lives with that. He always maintains that we will be good regardless but it worries me
Mrs Emu when I seen you were eating cake I messaged hubby and said “another round?” I felt over joyed for you and had renewed hope. If I got an immediate reply I probably would be back in the donor list but I didn’t. He was out cycling. The momentum had gone and now we are back in limbo.
Can you lovely ladies please offer some advise. Thanking you all in advance xxx
This is really tough decision and it sounds to me that you are having second thoughts. I guess you really know how you feel and whether you are ready to stop. Would you regret not trying again? My husband also really wants children and he always tells me that we would be ok regardless and we should enjoy each other, our freedom and luck that we are sharing this life together. He would be the most amazing dad and I’m always tearful thinking about it but I know that he is right and that we would be ok regardless. I think your husband is right and you would be ok too. I think that your heart is telling you whether to continue to journey or move on. I wish you all the best xx
Thank you Kari55. My husband can’t stand putting me through the IVF and struggles like a lot of men with dealing with seeing me cry. I feel so conflicted and agree with your husband that all would be fine I just hate him not having what he wants and that I could give him that but of course IVF doesn’t give guarantees. If it did I would be right there but not sure if I can or want to deal with more failures. Good luck to you too xxxx
Hi snuggles! What a tough one! I can only speak from my own experience. I have a beautiful 3yr old boy who I conceived and delivered naturally. Parenting is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life and those times when you are having to drag them through the airport or they are having a massive meltdown over nothing they are (for want of a more intelligent word) annoying!!! But when you tuck them up in bed and they tell you how much they love you or when they spontaneously thank you for giving them dinner it is all worth it and that is why I've just triggered on my 4th round to try and get him a sibling. They can be maddeningly frustrating, total windup merchants and absolutely hilarious all within 5mins!! Are the ups and downs of this journey worth it? Probably only if you get the baby at the end of it......is it worth taking the risk?? Absolutely!! Good luck with the choice you make. Just remember.....there really is no wrong answer.xx
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Thank you Good luck to you too. I have everything crossed xxx
When my daughter lost her baby at xmas she said to me “mum, I feel strong enough for one more try”. I had a proper panic attack thinking I don’t want to feel again at xmas seeing my daughter devastated but then thought if she is strong enough, I will be. She went for it and is now nearly 12 weeks pregnant. The fact is, if you really want something, you have to take the chance. The chance is yes, you could be devastated but you could also be ecstatic. Don’t regret things you never did but I think you know in your heart what you want to do and that my love is the way to go. Sending hugs for whichever way you go xxxxxx
There’s no question it’s a blooming tough journey, but I feel that if it’s something you really want, it’s worth the try. In my eyes I would rather have tried and failed so I have no regrets. Good luck with your decision xxxx
Thank you ladies. I know it may seem that my heart is saying enough but other times it’s saying do it. It’s the facing looking at each other with disappointment also the fear of never knowing and having regrets. It’s the thought of moping up a miscarriage This all to be balanced with the joy that it might work. Our two transfers were abroad and met with massive obstacles and not the best experience which I think has scared us both. I think it might be a pros and cons list lol. Good luck to you all xxx
#3 could be your lucky number, but I totally understand your hesitation. It’s one hell of an emotional rollercoaster and it’s totally natural to want to protect yourself from going through heart break again. Sometimes we just have to go with our gut. Sometimes it’s hard to hear it amidst all the emotion turmoil. Ask yourself what does my heart say? And what does my head say? Go with your heart! Hugs Xx
Hey, I hope you are well. IVF can be so unpredictable. You never know when will it work. I myself am actually going to start my IVF with DE. Really nervous! I hope everything goes fine. I think you should give it a try. However, only if you want to. I can totally understand that it drains you emotionally as well as physically. There is so much that is going on that you are really confused. You should talk to your husband regarding it. Also, with DE the chances of success are high so make sure that the clinic you have been visiting the doctors over there has a high success rate. Every clinic has that mentioned so do go through that. Best of luck. Do keep us updated.
Hey snuggles, would you be interested in adoption at all? I’m just thinking it’s another option which you haven’t mentioned. I know it’s by no means the same as carrying your husband’s child but it is another route to becoming a parent. I guess I’m just curious as to whether this would be a possible option for you? Xx
Hiya... Ah I nearly gave up loads of times... I did 5 rounds in total... Fell pregnant on rounds 2 and 3 and miscarried.. All along I was thinking the same watching people with kids when they crying.. Is this for me, shall I just enjoy life, travels etc... But my heart kept coming back to I need to try again... I want to be a mum. Round 5 I used Donor eggs and went to Athens instead of UK... I knew 2 days after transfer that I was pregnant.. I had bleeding and had to rest at beginning, every scan I couldn't look.. Kept waiting for bad news...but to cut a long story short I now sat looking at my 7 month old son... I never thought I would be a mum... It's been a long road in every way.. But I am so glad I carried on... I understand what you feel and how hard it is in every way.. But from reading your post it seems you still have that something in you pushing you for another try.. Sending loads of positive vibes and big hugs in whatever desision you make. Xx
I say one more try and this is the reason why. At the moment it is hard, really hard and just so much easier to just throw in the towel but then you have to accept that there is no turning back due to age etc. Maybe in a year or two once everything has settled you will have regrets and wonder “what if”. At least if you give it that last try and it doesnt work then you know you tried your very best and your heart will be at peace. And who knows, maybe you get your little miracle...
I can relate so much to your feelings. It’s so hard to decide whether to keep going or make the most of life as it is. I wasn’t sure after many failed attempts at IVF and not a single pregnancy which makes me feel it just isn’t meant to be. However I went to donor egg clinic last year and have been on the fence ever since. Now I found myself in a hotel on holidays whose niche is young families and there are three year olds in every corner! Even though they are whining and making so much noise it’s actually made me realise it is what I want and I am on the email to the clinic now trying to get booked it. At the very least it will be closure for us and we can look back and say we tried but hopefully we will be looking forward with our own little whiney ones and feel grateful for the chance to have tried again. It’s so tough and I feel for you I really know exactly how you feel but my thoughts for what they are worth are if we can I think we should x
Your post has made me cry! Mrs Emu is eating cake but my goodness I completely know where you’re coming from and believe me age isn’t the main factor!!!
It’s ok to want your lives back. It’s ok to not want to do it. It’s completely ok to give it one last shot. It’s ok to start it and then stop.
Would you believe that Mr Emu always said: one go, the free one, and then we stop. And then... we moved to egg donation. And if it weren’t for guaranteed frozen embryos I don’t think I could have done it. The cost is a lot; your life is on hold... but we very quickly realised that the cost in the grand scheme of things was not the issue. It was our hearts and heads. I found myself saying a lot in the last round; we’ll talk about going again if it doesn’t work. And this round? “I can’t put my body or us through this again if it doesn’t work. We’ll stop.” The thing is you never know. And time never seems to be on our side; that’s what pushes us to make decisions.
The fact you’re talking about it I think means you’ve a little more fight in you. Like we did. But we also talked a lot about what life without children would mean as we went through this round. Seems a bit of a gloomy way of looking at it. On my profile at the header picture is this phrase...
Expect the worst. Hope for the best.
It’s served me well. Always eat cake. Always follow your heart. Always take time to listen to what you want and remember it takes time; you won’t always find the answer fast xx
Mrs Emu we were the same. Started trying naturally and agreed if it didn’t work we stopped. We agreed no ivf as hubby has been there before and didn’t want that for us and to be honest I didn’t either. Then I got bloods and it showed AMH of 0.5. We thought we would visit a clinic for a chat. The chat led to very quickly seeing it would have to be donor eggs. I’m sure you are aware of the feelings that go through you. For us all in 7 months. I was beyond devastated however we find ourselves moving on to ivf with donor eggs. We both agreed one lot of embryos not any further and yet here we are again trying to decide where to go although this time for us both we are in stale mate. We both feel that we keep pushing our agreement, keep pushing expectations. My husband can’t cope with me being upset so I try to keep myself together which is hard also only one other person knows which I am glad about.
So we have decided to go back in the donor list and decide when we get to the top 🙈. The good thing is we both feel as conflicted as each other.
Mrs Emu like I said I was completely over joyed to see you eating cake. Long may you eat cake. I love your posts and your attitude. Little Emu is very lucky as is Mr Emu. Xxx
I know it is easier said than done - but I feel one more try has to be done.
The very fact you wrote this note means you have the will to do one more?
I think you would potentially regret it and after the next one you might be more at peace as you have literally gone as far as you could.
Or.....finally get your positive.
I am at the start of my journey after 1 failed round so I suppose it is hard for me to know how you feel.
Best of Luck and know you will make a decision that feels right.
There is a quote that says as we get older we do not regret the things we have done but the chances we didnt take as hard as it will be to go through again i think you might end up wondering what if i know of someone who tried 9 times for ivf before it worked for them and i remember thinking how could you put yourself through that emotionally and finacially but being in this position myself now i see that despite how scary and difficult it all is and all the doubt that goes through your mind am i strong enough will i cope if its something we really want we will do anything to achieve it and when im having moments of why me etc i have to tell myself if its meant to be it will be
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