Firstly, I hope this doesn't upset anyone, this is a hard journey for all of us, some of you much more so than me. I just wanted to share some of the positive things I've been doing recently. I don't know if they'll help me conceive, but they are helping me feel better about having to wait for it.. I wish everyone else every success in their own journeys, wherever in them you are xx
A bit of history - my husband and I have been trying to conceive unsuccessfully for three years. We've had all of the tests and there's nothing wrong with either of us. We are just starting our second round of IUI after a 6 month gap, whereby we were messed about by our clinic losing NHS funding, we were moved to another clinic and then found ourselves in a queuing system. We then found out that the original clinic regained their funding and we could have stayed there all along, and we have somehow managed to get back there and straight into a new cycle.
Those 6 months of waiting were really hard. Already in the last couple of years I found myself making diet alterations, having acupuncture and taking herbs. Nothing seemed to work or get rid of my horrible period pain, for which I cannot seem to get to the bottom of. A laparoscopy ruled out endo and any fibroids or nasties.
However after we were told our clinic could no longer help, I found my nutrition obsession getting a bit out of hand. Should you eat dairy or quit dairy? There are arguments for both. The same for gluten, grains, meat and carbs.
I found myself cutting out wheat, dairy, sugar, alcohol and caffiene - all the culprits! However I discovered that my obsessive personality may not suit food restrictions and I found that even popping into Tesco on my lunchbreak left me anxious as to what I could eat. Add to that a refusal to buy things wrapped in plastic unless absolutely necessary and you've got a recipe for disaster!
I'm now reading "Womancode" and trying not to restrict foods, but just plan when I eat them in the day depending on the day of my cycle.
Anyway, I said positive!
I've recognised the obsessive part of myself and I've been keeping a gratitude journal. And meditating. Meditating helps me hugely, it turns out! I started doing Hal Elrod's "Miracle Mornings" and taking an hour for myself before work. My friends and I have a whatsapp group where we send eachother gratitudes each day. Seeing theirs reminds me to think of some if I forget (plus they send cat photos). Yesterday it was poppies on the way to work. Today it was finally getting an appointment at the clinic and being given the go ahead to start our next treatment.
However my biggest gratitude shocked me when I discovered it back in March:
"I am grateful for my fertility journey. Because it is allowing me to find out things about myself, expand my knowledge and learn new things about my health that I would have otherwise bypassed if it had been easy for us to conceive. All of this will help prepare my body for a better pregnancy and birth, when the time comes, and provide me with better coping mechanisms for future times of worry, upset or stress. "
I realise this won't necessarily help anybody. But when I'm feeling frustrated with the situation, I come back to that and realise how I've had to learn patience, how much I've changed, and (aside from being a tad obsessive at times) this is for the better.
And for that I am grateful 
***Sensitive*** BFP that ended in miscarriage 
Hi I'm new here...
*sensitive? * faint positive? 
Inspiring letter to those who almost lose your hope
