Bittersweet

[Greenleaves1]

I have a friend who I met through the clinic - we conceived our sons at the same time & have been trying for a sibling.

I've had 3 failed IUIs, 1 failed IVF & one frostie waiting for FET in July. She's had the same amount & this morning has found out she is pregnant from her FET.

I'm so delighted for her then the "will this ever work for me" creeps in. I suppose it's like any other pregnancy announcement when you are trying to conceive.

This is all normal, right?

[MammaMia86]

I think it is normal to think.....will that happen to me? but like you said......it is not so common that people that want to have kids will be able to have them at the same time....I know we see videos about it in social media.....but specially in our world we know that sometimes it is out of our control and I think that what it works for me is trying not to compare myself with others as each one of us we have different situations.

❤️

[Greenleaves1 in reply to MammaMia86]

Oh no we were never intending on falling pregnant at the same time but I think we always knew it would happen to one of us first. Our sons are 7 days apart & we'd no idea we had been at the clinic at the same time for IUI lol.

Now we are both trying for a sibling, I only met her half way through her siblings process.

I agree comparison is the thief of joy.

[MammaMia86 in reply to Greenleaves1]

Sorry I understood incorrectly!

I think it is the most normal feeling to have....when is it going to be my turn? ....I have that all the time....I keep reminding myself and my husband that it is not if we will have a kid, but when we have a kid....😘

[Greenleaves1 in reply to MammaMia86]

Yeah that's definitely the best way to think, I think we are naturally hard set to think the negative first xx

[Millbanks]

Oh love,

I totally get this. It's so hard when you have a friend that you are hoping to time with....

My best friend and always wanted to have kids at the same time - its the dream right?! And we started trying around the same time (well we'd been ttc naturally for a while before but we started IVF around the time they started ttc) and of course she fell pregnant immediately - first time of trying.

I was heartbroken for so many reasons - I actually couldn't see her for a few months because it hurt so much. It was another year until we had any joy with IVF. But honestly now, it's so lovely because they are only a year apart - the kids get on so well and we get all her lovely hand me down clothes!

I would say just take a bit of time to acknowledge your feelings - I'm sure she completely understands where you are coming from because I'm sure she'd feel the same if it were the other way round. Try to remember that comparison is the root of all evil! It makes everything so much harder. Live your journey your way, it'll happen when the time is right xx

[Greenleaves1 in reply to Millbanks]

We are only text friends who have met once and have sons around the same age so we weren't setting out to be pregnancy buddies lol although it would have been nice.

I'm delighted for her and hopefully my day will come along soon.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Greebsleaves. This will happen while you are trying. You will continue to see bumps and prams about, we can’t do much about it. However look at your success with your son, which is amazing. Let’s hope he will have a little brother or sister, just when you least expect it. Thinking of you. Diane

[Greenleaves1 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thanks Diane.

[Purple_skies]

It is normal to feel this way. But I can understand your pain. Sending you positive vibes...

[Doodlebug23]

100% get this! I met my friend via this forum and we realised we were at the same clinic, then in Spain at the same time, and then staying at the same hotel! Of course we met up as it seemed like fate! We met for a drink and ended up chatting for 3.5hrs! Needless to say we hit it off lol! Unfortunately she lives many miles and and plane or boat ride away.

At the time we met, her transfer was successful and mine was not. I found it really hard. But she was 100% aware of how I would feel as I’m sure your friend will be too. She gave me space to process and knew why my response took a while and was very brief.

Your feelings are totally valid. You’re not upset that she has her BFP or wish she hadn’t, just incredibly envious you aren’t YET also in her position. It’s not selfish it’s human. We all get it! Xx

[Greenleaves1 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Thank you! My friend is totally understanding and said if it was the other way round she would be envious. I am supporting her best I can but I have said I can't talk about "being bump buddies" because I'm not there yet. I guess it feels like added pressure & if my transfer in July doesn't work I'll feel worse.

I live in Belfast, she's in Manchester. We talk daily about our sons who are 8 days apart. I'm so happy for her as I know she was really worried about her age etc. I'm a few years younger but I don't have unlimited funds to keep on going.

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Greenleaves1]

I’m lucky that my next transfer did work and so I’m now a couple of months behind her, so don’t have to navigate that issue. Must be hard with the eldest being so close and your close connection. For both of you. As you are both aware how the other must be feeling.

I felt the same about my subsequent transfer and the added pressure. Let’s be positive and send out all the positive vibes for July. Sorry I can’t offer any proper words of wisdom 😔

[Greenleaves1 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Thank you lovely. It'll all work out how it's supposed to. That's amazing that it worked for you. I'm worried about the quality of my embryo too as it's not as good. God I wish I could stop comparing everything xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Greenleaves1]

I had all AA and AB embryos previously. This time it was an AB and my only ever BB. I’m convinced it’s my BB that’s stuck, and that it’s the one that’s just been waiting its turn 💖