Outcome of fertility appointment support needed

[Hands2015]

Hey yall

Just got out of our first fertility appointment feeling a bit devastated really told I need to loose nearly 8st until they will consider us for treatment

I'm very much feeling like this is all my fault but it's honestly not for lack of trying to loose weight

I think I had my hopes up something was going to be moving forward I'm wondering if it is all worth it going through this which will take over a year and then wait for ivf which might not work anyway while all around me friends are getting pregnant

I totally get I need to be optimum health for best chance of it working just feeling crushed

Hubby is so supportive but when I mentioned going straight for adoption he said it sounds like I'm giving up

I just feel a bit heartbroken and lonely and literally all my friends are pregnant so I can't talk to them

I've been given metformin and discharged for now

[destiny121]

Hi my lovely...... what sad news....this journey is so long and can be so difficult. Loosing weight is difficult but it needs to be done in tiny steps until you reach your goal. I want a baby so bad that i would do anything.... i suppose what im trying to say is take small steps in trying to loose the weight and just focus on your end goal and you wil get there.... dont give up and keep trying and remember why your doing it. Good luck with whatever you decide xx

[Hands2015 in reply to destiny121]

Thank you x

[Hidden]

Completely understandable to feel heartbroken. Don’t blame yourself- it just makes you feel worse and doesn’t help at all. Weight loss is so so hard- if it was easy then everyone would be slim. I agree with destiny121- don’t get overwhelmed with what you have to lose. Take it little steps at a time and think about why you are doing it but in a compassionate way. Be encouraging to yourself and don’t judge yourself. I would suggest joining a slimming club like weight watchers or slimming world- the members are super supportive and it really helps when it feels like it is too much to overcome. I lost 15% of my body weight! But I had to learn not to be hard on myself because inevitably that made me want to eat more and I was able to be more honest with myself in terms of what I was eating. Good luck! Xx you may conceive naturally with weight loss too!

[Saya85]

Hi hands2015.

Sorry to hear your struggles but as the ladies above say, don’t be too hard on yourself.

Metformin May go a long way to stabilise blood sugar and hormones so great for fertility and losing weight hopefully in long run.

However have you had your thyroid tested? Thyroid can affect both metabolism and fertility so worth having doctor do basic checks.

[AJJ123]

Heya, I can’t relate on the weight part however ... I am shocked that they said this to you. What on earth has weight got to do with it, I have family members and associates who are massively overweight and pop the kids out like there’s no tomorrow. This makes me so angry that they deny treatment on this basis, it makes no bloody difference in my opinion fertility health and actual health are two very different things hence why ppl get pregnant who take drugs, eat rubbish and drink lots of alcohol xx

[Hidden]

AJJ123 unfortunately the doctors do say that weight effects fertility and your more likely to miscarry if your bmi is over 30, I'm not saying it's right or wrong because as you say there is so many over weigh people ect spitting out babies unfortunately we are in a position if Dr's tell us to walk over hot coals to get ivf treatment we do it ☹ it's so rubbish.

Hands2015 bless you I've been in this position and it's rubbish I've struggled with my weight all my life but got down to 30 bmi for nhs treatment, I've since put it all back on and need to loose it again to start private treatment.

Don't let them get you down and definatly don't blame yourself I know it's not easy. There is some one I work with that's just gone through ivf and it worked first time, she's really skinny and I broke down to my husband saying if I wasn't so fat one of our 4 Ivf attempts would of worked ! Of course no one knows if that's true but that's how I felt at that moment . I know when I was dieting I tried to focus on " I will show them" so I could be chuffed when I stood on the scales and they'd seen how much id lost and I've only just got my determination back again now after about 8 months of eating rubbish lol.

Don't give up and set yourself small achievable goals.

Best of luck xx

[Hidden]

I am in the same position. I have already lost 2 stone but I need to lose another 5 or so to qualify for IVF under the NHS. Other than my BMI I am very healthy. I gave up smoking years ago, I hardly ever drink alcohol and I exercise.

The problem is I am going to be 40 soon and as well as BMI criteria there's also age limit criteria and time has almost run out for me. At my first fertility appointment I was told I'd be referred to a dietician and I chased this up at my 2nd appointment but I still haven't heard a thing. I am starting to lose motivation losing weight by myself but if you younger than me then theres still time for you.

Good luck

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

You both have to be ready to go for adoption so you will need time for hubbie to get his head round the idea if that’s really what you want. My hubbie and I found it helpful to go to one of our local authority adoption evenings where they just talked to us about what to expect if we did decide to adopt, there was no pressure but it was incredibly helpful, I would recommend it xx