Newbie

[StaceD]

Hi guys, not really sure what to write as it’s my first time using the Fertility Network UK, but here’s a bit about me & our situation! I’m 31yo & OH is 27. We have just been (3 weeks ago) diagnosed with primary infertility (male factor) My blood test results have all come back normal (borderline) so far, but OH was only found to have only 27 single sperm in his sample We have visited a fertility specialist who took some blood from OH, and we are now currently waiting on his blood test results so we can start to determine what the problem may be! This has been such a shock to us both & has hit us both quite hard. As it is our first child we really don’t know what to expect. He’s not talking about it, and I can’t stop trawling google! Feeling very isolated at the moment, as I don’t know ANYONE else of a similar age to us who have had fertility struggles. So that’s why I’ve turned to this forum! I’ve spoken to hardly anyone else about our situation & OH doesn’t want to talk with me about it (I think he’s ashamed) Thankyou for listening & sorry about the essay! X

[ChloBo84]

Hi hun,

Just wanted to say welcome to the family ☺️ it’s a very useful and supportive group.

I know how it feels to feel quite isolated and alone in this journey, and not knowing anyone else your age who has ever been through similar can be really hard sometimes. But on here, everyone has a story to tell, an ear to listen and a little bit of advice to share.

I’m afraid I can’t give any advice on the male side of fertility issues, it’s all me on our side. But I wanted to send a welcoming message to just say, you don’t need to feel totally alone in this.

Do not give you on your dream of being parents. I so hope your journey isn’t too long.

Xxx

[StaceD in reply to ChloBo84]

Kindest words I’ve heard in a long time - thankyou so much. See, I knew it was a good idea joining this group! ☺️ That comment alone has made me feel a bit better ☺️ xxx

[ChloBo84 in reply to StaceD]

I’m so pleased.

I know how it is when you feel like you’re stuck in the middle of a huge ocean with nowhere to go, and you can’t seem to be able to find any help or support from people you know because they don’t really, not even slightly, know what you’re going through.

But it’s important for you to know there are people, even just on the other end of a phone or what ever, that know what it feels like. And can give you something to hold on to, or listen to you rant about what a shitty experience you’re going through.

Hang in there. It’ll all turn out ok in the end ❤️❤️

[StaceD]

^ this comment 👌👌 Aw you are so kind. This is the sort of support & understanding I’ve really needed! The part about being stuck in a huge ocean I relate to so much! And it’s an ocean I feel I’m not supposed to be swimming in 😢 However, I’m sure that is the nature of the beast. I’m sure it’s perfectly natural to feel out of place & TOTALLY out of depth following an infertility diagnosis. Doesn’t make it any easier though hey Thankyou again ChloBo xxx

[E_05]

Welcome the forum, I can’t advise on male infertility but this forum will offer masses of people who can. I do understand the feelings of isolation though, take some time to let everything sink in just a little. It’s daunting when your not expecting anything to be wrong, maybe in a bit of time your OH will open up.

Keep speaking out on here, your not alone in this anymore xx

[Hidden]

Welcome to the forum. It definitely is a place to make you feel less lonely especially after the hurdles that get put in our paths. I am sure you will get lots of advice from the medical experts and get offered support.

If you have been googling then you will find lots of information about diet and exercise - as well as frequency of trying - that may help to improve the results. Changes can be made that could make a difference within 3 months that dont necessarily have to cost any money. If money is not a concern then along with diet and exercise you could look at acupuncture and nutritionists along with speaking with a fertility counsellor who will put a plan in place for you to enable optimisation of the sperm production/performance.

The likely scenario that will maybe happen is ICSI where they basically take the best sperm and inject them straight into you eggs. You only need one egg and one sperm at the end of the day.

It will be a very difficult time at the moment for your partner to process all this news. Maybe that is what he is doing at the moment.

Wishing you all the very best xxx

[ama4]

Hi hun. Ur not alone. I'm 32 and hubbie is 30. Our 1st cycle starts around Aug Sep time. All here for each other to get through this xxx

[Princes14]

Welcome to the group, be reassured everyone here is so lovely and willing to listen and give good advise.

Please know that that feeling of failure is something felt by men and women throughout this process. I can speak for myself and my husband when I say this. You’re immediately labelled as a failure when you can’t just do the most natural thing in the world.

I think you’re reactions are both normal, it’s so important to talk though. If you go through invasive treatment you’ll need each other to be open and honest, you’ll upset each other with your raw emotion but you’ll pull through. I appreciate its a shock, and trust me, TTC since 2014, clomid and now completed our second cycle of ivf with a miscarriage in between has tested our relationship to the max - and I wouldn’t be sitting here typing these words without the support of the super people in this forum. Xxx

[Cinderella5]

Welcome to the forum! Im a bit older that you both, Im now 40 and my OH is 35. He was diagnosed as having a very low sperm count and his bloods showed this is likely a progressive thing so we were asked to freeze some sperm for treatment. He also had karyotyping to look to see if he had any genetic issues like being a cystic fibrosis carrier. Sperm levels can fluctuate and its likely that your OH will be asked to provide another sample in 3 months as things can perhaps change with some inprovements in lifestyle. In our case my OH stayed the same but we managed to get enough for ICSI - which is where they inject one sperm directly into every egg collected instead of letting the sperm try to swim to the eggs in the dish in the lab. I hope you get to the bottom of why his count is so low. He can try cutting out or down on alcohol, keeping cool downstairs loose boxers etc, no hot baths, cycling is supposed to be not great, stopping smoking, stopping any drugs (not suggesting that he does either of the last two, its just in the list of donts) and by eating a healthy diet. It is really hard to get men to talk about these things, my OH has gotten better at talking the longer we have been on this journey. I think the biggest thing for him was guilt more than embarrassment although Im sure that was thrown in there too. Just take things one step at a time. The support on here is great and if we can help we will!xx

[RidleyNL]

Hello and welcome, lovely. So many sweet messages above so I’ll keep it short but just to say I only found this space a couple of months ago having been TTC since 2014, and it’s been a godsend so you’re lucky you found it so quickly!

Experiencing fertility problems can be so miserably isolating, especially if your peer group is all starting to get pregnant naturally and you’ve no one to turn to. You can get easily stuck in a negative vortex, labelling yourself as a failure, shutting yourself off from everyone etc, especially if your friends and family aren’t in the loop yet.

Fertility issues are all mine, so I can’t offer too much advice beyond echoing what is said above - give your OH a bit of time to process but keep gently opening up the conversation, it’s such a cliche but a problem shared is a problem halved and talking things through is ESSENTIAL. You’re going to need each other through what’s ahead, and it will be testing. We’ve been through a lot and it hasn’t been easy but the worst times have been when we haven’t leant on each other. If you can afford it, then seeing a therapist is also an incredible outlet. Otherwise this forum can act a bit like one! All the best and thinking of you xxx

[Kyell2]

Hi and welcome to the forum 😊

It’s so difficult at the start of this journey to know what to do and because we also had male infertility I didn’t feel I could share with anyone really because he was so devastated about it all.

Then I found this forum and the support is always great. Someone will always have been through (almost) the same experience so you won’t feel as alone.

My OH still avoids talking about the situation unless he has to and we are over a year since we first found out. But they can do great things with even a single sperm and hopefully you’ll have a plan soon.

(Oh and I echo everything that Cinderella said for your OH to do, we tried it all 😀)

Good luck x

[Lucy1602]

Hi StaceD,

When I read your post it sounded so like how I felt when we started our fertility journey.. it was a shock to learn of my OH low sperm count and it took both of us a whille to get our heads around it. Allow yourself this time.

I remember feeling so isolated when we were TTC as all (and I mean ALL) of my friends were getting pregnant. It’s tough and although I have only recently joined this group there are various support networks out there. My OH and I went to fertility group courses which we were a bit dubious about at first but it was one of the best things to do as you get proper support from people who have been through or are going through similar challenges.

I hope you find the similar support as there’s no doubt and I’m sure anyone else who has gone down the ivf route would say it is not easy but as cliche as it sounds, it does strengthen you and your relationship. There are so many ups and downs and I think communication is one of the most important things but is something that takes time to learn.

Please feel free to contact me at any stage if you have any questions or need support.

Lucy

[Gillyc1]

Hiya StaceD, you have joined a forum where everyone has your best intersts at heart. My son in law had zero sperm and after being told by his gp he would never Father a child, we did research and found there were ways. Basically he had his sperm surgically removed and then they had their first round of icsi, which is what you will probably have. On their first round they got their gorgeous little boy. As we speak, my daughter is on her way now to the hospital to have , hopefully, 2 eggs replaced. Don’t give up hope because there is always an answer. Ask any questions on here you need because there will be someone who can help. Good luck xxxxx

[JenRoy]

There’s so many of us out there! You’re not alone.

A really good book to read which is funny and informative is “Test Tubes and Testosterone” by Michael Saunders. It’s written from a man’s perspective. It’s easy to read and my husband and I really enjoyed it. We both learnt a lot.

Best of luck in your journey. Stay strong and support each other. You must communicate as much as possible with each other during the journey as it will bring you closer together.

We’re all here for you xx

[Autumnmoon]

Glad you have found this forum you will get so much help and support from these ladies wishing you future success x

[Smurf34]

Awww bless him! It must be really hard for a male, as their pride is easily knocked. But it is very common; and there are a lot worse cases out there. Don't lose hope, there is so much doctors can do these days, honestly.

You will get plenty of encouragement and advise on this forum; so many lovely people going through the same life hurdles, right here. It's such a blessing. Welcome StaceD

[Hidden]

Hey Stace welcome!

I hope you receive all the support you need on here xx take care

[Bumble26]

I'm new here too, but so glad I've joined. It really does help. We also have male factor and my partner is struggling with it. He doesn't talk about it too much but when he does he says he feels useless and guilty and a failure which is heartbreaking to hear. He used to always say he would leave me as well if it was 'his fault' thankfully he's realised that would not help!!! I'd say just make it clear you're there but don't force him, I'm sure he'll open up when he's ready, some men can struggle to open up but I've found it's made us stronger over time. It also helped my partner to talk to his friends about it, whereas I haven't told any of my friends, so at first I was angry about it but we're all different and need different support networks to get us through.

[LanaTerene]

Hey, there. Welcome to the group. We're all a big family here. Good luck with your time here. And, good luck with your situation. I hope things get better. I'm sure you'll find a solution.