Good evening! Sorry I need to rant! Lol had such a draining day. As some of you are aware I lost my babies last year due to having an infection,it’s their due date tomorrow so abit emotional anyway. have to deal with a lady at work being pregnant & I have just been ignoring her as much as possible as this has been the easiest way for me to deal with it. Today the lady was at the printer (right next to my desk) talking to another lady about babies & pregnancy etc & I ended up leaving the room & bursting into tears. Others heard the conversation & asked if I was okay & even said they thought it was insensitive. Apparently the pregnant lady thinks I don’t like her because she’s pregnant but I can’t acknowledge her at the moment it hurts too much.
Do you think I’ve gone about it the Wrong way, am I being unfair?
Xxx
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Hope85
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Couldn’t read this and no reply. Hope you are ok. What a heartbreaking time you have been and are going through. It must be so difficult to work with anyone who is pregnant or had their babies. I feel for you. Does the pregnant colleague know about what happened? Could you just say that at the moment it’s too raw and it’s nothing personal? Take care of yourself. Xxx
Hey! Thank you means a lot. Yeah everyone knows about what happened I couldn’t hide it as my bump was quite big. It just feels like people have forgotten what happened to me or they think I’m over it now as I’m putting a brave face on it. Il never get over it unfortunately 😢 xx
Of course not, I hope people don’t think like that. It’s not something you can get over, you just learn to live with it. Just explain that you are feeling so raw and emotional at the moment, that you mean no harm. Would you be open to some counselling? I know I found it very valuable to discuss my infertility with a counsellor, better sometimes than speaking to family/friends. Be kind to yourself, you take all the time in the world to grieve. Xx
My collague/friend had a private word with her yesterday & explained why I am how I am & asked her to be more sensitive. I’ve had 5 counselling session already & my last one is after my FET next month. It is helpful & I might go to a SANDs group meeting in a few weeks too. Just want to feel myself again & be ready mentally for our next treatment xx
Just want to send you a virtual hug hun 💗🤗😘 your not being unfair at all the pregnant lady should be more sensitive , so sorry lovely I'm thinking of you. 💗🤗😘😘
I went through similar at 16 weeks a few years ago. It never really goes away. I too have a heavily pregnant colleague at work just now but thankfully I work from home a lot. It’s not easy. You have nothing to feel bad about. You’re stronger than you know. ❤️ Massive hugs xx
I know how you feel I have done the same thing. On two separate occasions the difference for me was one of them I was close too she knew what was going on and thankfully respected that I couldn’t be around it the other one I just avoided when I could and did the brave face thing when I had too.
I don’t think you have done anything wrong you have done what you needed to to protect yourself and your sanity, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. If you can’t talk about it you shouldn’t have too your personal life is not office gossip after all.
Sending a massive hug and take it easy on yourself it’s understandable that you’re going to be very emotional.
Thank you Hun. I’ve been able to deal with my emotions the last few weeks but just lost it yesterday. I wish I wasn’t a cry baby & be able to wait until I get home before I have a meltdown rather than at work! 🙈 xx
You feel how you feel and you can't change that. I think it's insensitive of printer lady to do what she did! A lady on my team miscarried twice and then I had to tell her a few months later that someone else on the team was pregnant- I was pretty terrified because I didn't want her to be hurt but felt it was the right thing to do to warn her before the rest of the team found out. Printer lady sounds like a bit of an a**e! Hope you're ok! X
I was in a similar situation last year with my best friend! She avoided telling me she was pregnant (but told my other friends and my husband she fell pregnant accidentally) and then wondered why I was off radar, said that she thought I didn’t like her anymore because she was pregnant! I felt totally heartbroken that through all of our struggles, she wasn’t honest with me and pushed the blame onto me on why our relationship broke down! I guess people do forget how you might be feeling and are in such a bubble of their own, they simply do not think..
I wasn’t pregnant and never have been so I cannot imagine how raw it must still be for you.. You are not being unreasonable at all and it’s totally understandable how you feel.. If you can pluck up the courage to tell her that it’s not personal and it’s just too raw then do it but if not, do not force yourself to do something that your not comfortable with as your already having to face it each day at work.. She’ll be on maternity soon enough so at least it won’t be in your face everyday..
I would consider counselling perhaps? It can’t do any harm and is worth a try right?
No real words of wisdom here but try to be kind to yourself at this difficult time and worry only about you.. Take care and thinking of you lots xxxxx
Hey! My friend at work had a word with her yesterday & explained why I am how I am & asked her to be more considerate I’ve had 5 counselling session already with a bereavement counsellor & my last one is after my FET next month. Xx
I don’t think you have anything to feel bad about, I find it heartbreaking to be around pregnant women so no wonder you stay away as much as you can. Maybe someone could just have a word with her and say you don’t dislike her it’s just to raw and upsetting for you. Unfortunately people seem to forget about our babies born to soon, sending hugs your way xx
Thank you. I totally agree people do forget. 😞 going to try & have a better day today xx
Hi Hope. I just wanted to add my support here. You're not in the wrong at all. Hopefully now someone at work has had a word with the pregnant woman she can be a bit more sensitive to your situation. It's just so awful that our suffering goes on under the radar and that people have no idea how deep the pain of pregnancy loss goes. I don't wish the pain of losing a baby on anyone, but people should be more aware of how traumatic it is to be around pregnancy when our own has ended so badly. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through; well done for getting the counselling, it's a really brave step xxx
Completely understandable. Why can't people understand how life-changing this is? It's awful to feel like you're losing a part of yourself, and I know a lot of people here can relate to that feeling xx
Hey, just wanted to add my support for you! I do think your colleague is being insensitive so Im glad that you had someone have a word in her ear. Sending hugs xx
My heart goes out to you! My sister lost her baby at 6 months, and then my cousin had to reluctantly tell her she was pregnant. It's heartbreaking and so hard to navigate all the feelings. You have done nothing wrong, you are simply trying to remove yourself from further hurt which is a natural human reaction. If the woman at work doesn't understand then, frankly, it's her problem. You have nothing to reproach yourself for xxx
I’m so sorry, this is a really difficult time for you, it is completely understandable that you feel sad and emotional. I think if I were in your situation I would probably have opted for avoidance too. It’s such a painful and daily reminder for you. My sister in law is pregnant with twins at the minute and I am staying well clear. I think you have to put yourself first for once in your life and forget about what others may think. Sending you lots and lots of love xx
Really feel for you. I don’t think you did anything wrong and it’s good you’ve got *some* supportive colleagues. I think most of us here can relate to other women’s pregnancies making us feel sad/ upset/ distressed and it makes you feel like a hard person, but I really don’t think you can help those feelings. Counselling etc might help as some other members here have suggested and it’s great you’ll get support from SANDS too, I hear they’re really good
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