Fertility Network UK
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Can’t have a baby!

I’m 31 and have been pregnant 3 times! Once when My boyfriend and I were far to young to become parents, I was still in school so I made the decision to have an abortion! Next I had a miscarriage when I was older! Then finally six years ago I had an ectopic pregnancy which resulted in one of my tubes being cut and it ruptured! My partner and I desperately wAnt a child and I haven’t been on contraception since my ectopic but this has never resulted in a baby! I’m terrigied I will never have a child, I feel like I’m being punished for the decision I made when I was younger to terminate my first pregnancy! I’ve rcenty started going to a fertility clinic but they can’t seem to find anything wrong with me! I have regular periods, my remaining Fallopian tube seems to be working fine according to the dye test I had this month! My ultrasound on my womb etc came back normal! I just don’t know what else to expect! Will they help me if all my tests come back normal? Six years with no pregnancy must mean there is something wrong with me? Surely? I used to have bad anorexia and abuse laxatives! I feel this may have something to do with it! I desperately want a child! I can’t imagine never being a mother! I’m so depressed!

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Hi Naomi

I myself have never taken anything for 14 years and no pregnancy. I understand how you feel I have had a series of tests done which proved to have been my husband but nothing major so they decided to start ivf for me.

I believe everyone should have the opportunity to become a mother and so desperate to be myself.

Have you ever considered ivf? Maybe discuss these options with a fertility doctor I hope and pray you get a bundle of joy soon good luck xxx

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I’ve had 2 eptopics unfortunately resulting loosing both my tubes. But i had that dye test and I caught on not knowing, unfortunately it didnt Work out for me but there is that little bit of hope it might for you fingers crossed xx

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You have had a difficult time and I relate so much to your yearning for a baby. Please try not to punish yourself or blame yourself for the problems you’re facing. It is not your fault. I really hope the clinic you are attending can offer you some treatment options. Have you discussed the possibility of IVF? Wishing you the very best of luck xxx

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Bless your heart. I really feel for you and can relate a lot in many ways.

I too had a termination when I was a teenager, it was one of the hardest things I have experienced and it took a long time to come to terms with. Please don't think you're being punished, you have to forgive yourself and accept that at that time you made a decision based on your circumstances then, which was right for you at the time. You're not being punished. You were a child.

I'm sorry you have also experienced miscarriage and ectopic. I know miscarriage is incredibly hard to go through and it takes a long time to bounce back from. You don't forget but you do learn to cope and move on over time. It doesn't matter that you had a termination before that, having that done didn't result in you losing your beautiful babies later on, it just doesn't work that way unless there was damage caused and you have had investigations which show there isn't any damage. I know it's a rubbish thing to say but truthfully it really is just awful luck that that happened. There's usually no obvious reason why these things happen, they just do sometimes.

So, you have regular cycles, you don't have any damage to your uterus and your tube is healthy. I'm assuming your ovaries are good too, your lining is also good and your hormones have been checked? Have you had NK cells checked out? I don't know how common a procedure this is to be carried out. It may be a postcode lottery as to which clinics check this and which don't and whether you have to pay for it or not.

I'm assuming you track your cycles by temping and using OPKs? If not, then try it. I'm no expert by any means but happy to help if you haven't done this before. If you have, and you've been doing it a while, I would suggest unless the clinic advise otherwise you stop tracking for a few cycles and just go with it, relax, have sex when you both feel like it and see if this makes a difference. It does for many. Acupuncture is worth trying out if you haven't already. It's good for many things, fertility being one of those things. It can help encourage good blood circulation to your uterus, and help to balance hormones or keep hormones balanced. It also helps you to relax which is incredibly important! But it's probably the hardest thing to do when you've been trying for a long time.

You mention previously having dealt with anorexia - I have too and it isn't easy to recover from. How is your diet now? It's really important you're eating healthily, your body is clever and will know if it needs to put you before a pregnancy. So, if your nutrition is suffering in any way, your body will likely make it impossible to get pregnant, or stay pregnant, because it knows it can't keep you healthy on top of sustaining a pregnancy which takes a lot from you.

Fertility yoga is meant to be really good. At the least it's relaxing and good for you in many other ways, so it certainly won't hurt to try it. Tai chi is also good to keep your mind balanced and relaxed. Getting in exercise is good but don't overdo it. You need a reasonable body fat percentage otherwise your body will likely reject any potential pregnancy.

There are also things you can use to help things along like evening primrose oil to help keep hormones in check and encourage fertile cm, obviously prenatal vitamins, extra B complex won't hurt, and then eating things like Brazil nuts for extra selenium which helps increase progesterone, a good handful of almonds - packed with vitamin E, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, leafy greens, avoiding simple sugars, raspberry leaf tea during your follicular phase helps tone the uterus (stop after ovulation, same with evening primrose oil too) etc. Plenty of things like this all help to keep you healthy and encourage pregnancy. With supplements always check for interactions with other medications if you're using any, and also some foods and drinks should be checked too as they can potentially interact.

I'm assuming they have tried things like progesterone supplementation? This seems quite a common thing to try out if you're having trouble. Some use low dose aspirin (75mg) to thin the blood to help encourage a good uterine lining, but obviously these things you need to discuss with your specialist first to make sure they're safe for you.

I really hope you get some answers soon and can finally get your take home baby

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