Very disappointed 😔

[ICSIRose]

I don’t know where else to vent and as I have nothing to compare to I’m not sure if I’m over exaggerating or if my after care has actually been shocking (options are welcome)!

As you may remember, five weeks ago I had positive tests right up until my OTD however despite this I started to have a light bleed the day before therefore I had a blood test performed the day after OTD resulting in only 4% hcg (BFN). The nurse called to tell me the results and I have heard nothing until I received the letter attached (4 weeks) later.

I am so disappointed with the aftercare of my clinic, not only does the letter lack vital detail of the outcome and potential options going forward, there is absolutely no compassion/empathy and I feel it comes across quite patronising! Anyhow to top it all off... Today I finally found the courage to call the secretary to arrange the appointment offered to get closure on the cycle to be told it’s a further £100 (no mention of this in the letter) !

I am so annoyed and disappointed!!! I’m not sure I want to consider returning being just another number! Gutted 😔 x

[Hayleigh86]

So sorry your cycle didnt work. After my first cycle the nurse phoned to tell me that my blood test was negative. She then went on to say I've noticed your BMI is very high (29) keep an eye on your weight. I thought this was so insensitive, I know I need to keep an eye on my weight and that reminder was not necessary. I think sometimes they see so many people they forget we are just that! People with feelings xx

[ICSIRose in reply to Hayleigh86]

Thanks Hayleigh. It’s just so disappointing when you pay thousands of pounds and get rubbish care!

I’m sorry to hear you also had a BFN recently, it’s such a tough journey isn’t it 😔 xxx

[Hayleigh86 in reply to ICSIRose]

Oh mine was NHS funded - no wonder your upset, you would think customer service would be a big thing! It is tough. Im just in my 2ww for my second cycle and its been so hard but we do what we have to in the hope we get the result we want. Take care xx

[ICSIRose in reply to Hayleigh86]

Oh best of luck, I really do have everything crossed for you! How are you finding your 2ww? Xxx

[Hayleigh86 in reply to ICSIRose]

Im only on 1dp5dt, last time I went crazy with symptom spotting. Im trying to take a more laid back approach tgis time haha. Im back at work tomorrow after a week off so that will keep me busy. I feel ok in myself just a few cramps but nothing to bad xx

[ICSIRose in reply to Hayleigh86]

Aww best of luck my lovely and try to hold out until OTD! 💝 xxx

[Hidden in reply to ICSIRose]

I know that feeling. It feels so bloody unfair when you get your hopes up and put loads of time and effort into something only to have it result in nothing!

[ICSIRose in reply to Hidden]

Yes however we’re all willing to do it in the hope that one day our dreams will come true xxx

[Penders]

I'm sorry that this cycle didn't work for you and I'm surprised that a follow up appointment isn't free for you. Our follow up after our miscarriage is free of charge. I'm sorry that you have not had great aftercare, especially having to pay so much just to get this far. It really does not take much to be compassionate. Xxx

[ICSIRose in reply to Penders]

Thank you so much! I’m glad I’m not the only person with this view.

I’m really sorry to hear your sad news too, how are u getting on? Xx

[Penders in reply to ICSIRose]

Thanks I'm getting on ok just waiting for my cycle to return, emotions still all over the place but I guess that's to be expected. I have booked a follow up on 1st Dec to discuss doing FET in new year. Xx

[ICSIRose in reply to Penders]

Yes it is indeed, such sad news! Planning to enjoy xmas then start again in the new year?

I bled for two days (inc OTD) then have have nothing since! Why is it AF never arrives when you want her too? xxx

[Penders in reply to ICSIRose]

Definitely going to enjoy Christmas without ivf meds or scans and going to enjoy all the food too! I know AF never happens when you want it to. Did you book a follow up consultation in the end? Xx

[ICSIRose in reply to Penders]

Sounds like a good idea! New year, fresh start! No I didn’t, I don’t get the impression we would find out more than we already know... looking at changing clinics any how xx

[Penders in reply to ICSIRose]

Good luck I hope you find a good clinic. Will keep my eye on your profile see how you get on. I really hope that things work out for you ❤️️ Xx

[ICSIRose in reply to Penders]

You too! Have a wonderful Christmas and I hope the new year brings us both a bundle of joy 💝 xxx

[ClarabGlasgow]

This is not what you want to receive after a bfn! I was also paying privately though st at Nhs clinic & found the care up until egg collection to be really poor (although after that it was good). One nurse told me she got a ‘fright’ at how few follicles I had on day 8 of stimms. And that they couldn’t stimm me for too long as the drugs were expensive & they were closed for ec at weekends! Just so insensitive! But suppose you can draw from it to focus on egg quality - everyone raves about this it starts with an egg book? I am focussing my attention there too (self diagnosing). I agree, new clinic new start . Hope it works out for you xx

[ICSIRose in reply to ClarabGlasgow]

Thank you Clarab! I am going to write a letter to the board and suggest that they add the follow up appointment to the price as it’s difficult to get closure without this!

Oh yes, I have heard about it, is it any good? Xx

[ClarabGlasgow in reply to ICSIRose]

Yes my package included either an early scan (for bfp) or consultation for bfn. Depressingly I was the latter but agree it should be offered as standard. I haven’t read the book yet as have 3 others to get through first! It advises supplements and certain foods I think. Although I have read other posts that say day1-3 development is egg quality then day 3-5 is driven by sperm quality so might be worth looking in to that too? X

[ICSIRose in reply to ClarabGlasgow]

Thank you so much! Wishing you all the best with your journey xx

[Tara2016]

Sorry to hear this. That's exactly the same bull**** we got for our follow up letter. No one seems to have the answers as to why it doesn't work afterwards and they just expect us to have an endless pot of money to keep trying. It's so heartbreaking when you can't get answers. I really hope you get a well deserved rest and break as it helped us alot to refocus on life and hope you take care of yourselves xxx

[ICSIRose in reply to Tara2016]

Thank you Tara I’m glad it’s not just me reading into this letter more than necessary!

We have decided to try again middle of next year, in the meantime I’m looking for an alternative clinic and we have booked a lovely break to Mexico the beginning of the year!

I Couldn’t agree more, I doubt we will go through it again after our third try as it’s so draining... I’ve been emotionally unpredictable and physically shattered for months not to mention that AF is 10 days late 😱 feel like I’m going mad!

How are you getting on in your journey? Xx

[Tara2016 in reply to ICSIRose]

I think it's so important for these clinics to give a top service because we are paying thousands for something that is a natural part of life. It doesn't cost much for aftercare and I think you are probably making the right decision to explore elsewhere. We are going overseas now and I am so far really pleased with the service we have received. They are much more thorough. It's worth looking into if you are able to x

Mexico sounds like an amazing and well deserved break!

Really do wish you all the best x

[ICSIRose in reply to Tara2016]

Oh amazing, I have everything crossed for you and please keep in touch to let me know how you get on!

I have looked at options abroad however I feel nervous about it... I was looking at clinics in Czech Republic and Cyprus but spending 21 days abroad could be difficult for my husband and I with work and puppy commitments! Xx

[Tara2016 in reply to ICSIRose]

Don't worry I will keep you posted and likewise. We are going Cyprus but we only have to spend 9/10 days there as most the meds are taken here. We purposely booked it over Xmas so we would get bank holidays off anyway so it means im only using 1 week of leave for an 11 night stay x

[ICSIRose in reply to Tara2016]

Sounds like a great idea! I look forward to seeing your future posts and best of luck xxxxx

[Lamorna80]

£100?! Outrageous and insensitive. It lacks insight from someone who has really been there. We have never had to pay for a follow up appointment after our bfns.

Good luck with the next stage of your journey xxx

[ICSIRose in reply to Lamorna80]

Thank you lamorna! I am so glad it isn’t just me thinking this is very wrong! I am going to write to the board and suggest that this is added to the package. Xxx best of luck with your journey x 💝

[Filmgirl101]

Sorry! I have found after care in this country appalling! Especially the NHS near me! I had my transfer cancelled, but was meant to pick up an antibiotic as I was allergic to the one I was meant to have after egg collection. The nurse said “don’t come in, I’m sure you were given something!”

No reason for failure, just don’t come in! 10 days later I was in pain with a high fever and swollen belly. I had to lie to be seen by saying I wanted to go private. Fessed up to the head consultant when she walked in, I wasn’t charged. She apologised and treated me as I was really sick, scanned, and a second follow up! My bowel got nicked during the collection and I was very sick as a result. I was so surprised that I had been ignored, if my file had been opened, it never would’ve gotten to that point.

No one should be brushed aside after a failure. So many things need to be covered.

So sorry! I can say the care I got in Denmark was really good. I’m undecided about the aftercare in Prague. They make you wait 3-4 weeks for a follow up after a failure. So you have time to process it emotionally and physically before you make your next decisions.