Anyone else lost the magic?

[HMCW22]

So I'll start by saying don't get me wrong I am so excited at the thought of becoming a Mum and I would give anything to make this happen but...This is our 4th attempt. 1st time my embryo was in my partner and we had a chemical, 2nd time same but got a BFN, 3rd time my partners embryo in me and sadly had a 7 week miscarriage and this time the same and currently on 2ww 4dp5dt.

The first few tries I remember feeling totally consumed by the whole thing. I couldn't think about anything else and felt so excited as if something magical was about to happen. This time, I'm not sure if the past few years have jaded me, but I feel really flat about the whole thing. I know that's the wrong frame of mind and we are all told to stay positive etc and I always have but I'm finding it really hard this time. I think maybe because of our miscarriage last time I am probably more cautious that even if we get a BFP again it doesn't mean our happily ever after there are so many hurdles on this crazy journey we are all on and I'm finding it hard this time around to believe in the magic and stay hopeful.

Sorry not really a question I just wanted to get it all down really x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi HMW. So sorry to hear of all the bad luck you have both been through, plus the sad miscarriage at 7 weeks when you must have thought you had done it. I do hope you have both had plenty of support during these times. OK you have been so near, yet so far up to now. Somehow that has to remain in the past, and I do hope with all my heart that the embryo you have on board, is the one that is meant to stay and fulfil the dream for both of you. Thinking of you both BIG. Diane

[HMCW22 in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you x

[Blueberry211]

I am exactly at that place and also went for my fourth transfer feeling like that. I decided to take a couple of months break and continue. Tbh being positive or negative, if it has to work it will work. I do understand you when you say you are being more cautious with your emotions and high hopes. Sending you hugs.

[HMCW22 in reply to Blueberry211]

Thank you and I'm sorry you are feeling the same. It almost makes it easier when you're feeling positive and excited about it doesn't it? Are you taking a break from it at the moment or have you already had your break and starting again? Sending hugs to you too x

[Blueberry211 in reply to HMCW22]

Taking a break now. It is easier when you are positive. Sending you all good vibes your way xx

[Twiglet2]

I think it definitely does leave you feeling a bit numb the longer the journey goes on and I also think after losses and negative results we deliberately don’t let ourselves get so excited as we did in the beginning to protect our feelings if it goes wrong! I remember my wife getting more excited than me for the last few times before our little boy and even when we were pregnant I honestly couldn’t get properly excited and didn’t buy anything for him until 3rd trimester as I still thought something would make it now actually happen for us! Of course once he arrived it was a totally different story amd we were both buzzing! But the IVF journey does leave a scar and for some that can be deeper than others and I actually find detaching myself from the possible outcome does help me carry on with the other parts of my life sometimes and now we are trying for a sibling even more so! but you are right we do still need to find that little bit of hope to keep us going on the journey 🤗 wishing you lots of luck for this round and test day 💜✨ xx

[Darcy07]

Hi, I’m so sorry for everything you have both been through. I’m glad you have written and shared your feelings, I can totally relate. For me it sometimes grates when I’m told to stay positive, although I know it’s with the very best of intentions. I like to think my head is just trying to look after me by being cautious and try to go with it. It’s all such a journey. Thinking of you xx

[Tamaa]

Hi. I know exactly what you are talking about. It does get flat. In my world, I call myself being realistic and mature. The adrenaline rush is gone. I think maybe it's our self defense mechanism, it kind of safeguards ys from being hurt like earlier times.Wish you success and happiness in your journey.

[RebeccaTheo]

Hi,

Totally understand you’re feelings, have been there too. The mantra ‘they say it gets darkest just before the dawn’ kept me going for a while and also the acknowledgment that the switching off of feelings can sometimes be the thing that can allow you to withstand the rest of the journey…I imagine it’s like a car with low fuel, you reduce the speed in order to get to your destination.

Lots of strange metaphors here but hope they might help!

Best of luck!

RT x