So after 2 rounds of max dose ivf, I'm giving more consideration to donor eggs than I expected. I've always known that I would be happy to move to donor eggs in the end, just didn't think it would be so soon. I'm still considering normal ivf again but faced with the cost and such low chances I'm looking into DE properly.
Is there anyone else out there that struggles with the anonymity of egg donors in the U.K.? I massively struggle with not knowing what a donor looks like. I do want a child to look like me, and a match of height, weight, hair colour and eye colour just doesn't make it enough for me, as bone structure can be SO different too.
So, I've seen that in Ukraine you can access an adult photo of your donor. Does anyone have any experience of this?
I'm not interested in hearing from clinics as a result of this post, so clinics stay away please!
Thank you!
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Orla9298
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De was a struggle and it still is for me at 6 weeks but have put my trust in my coordinator to match me well. Yes, I'm gutted any child we may have won't look like me. I'm the younger spitting image of my mum. It does not mean we have a close relationship. But I look to her and see where I come from. So, yes I totally understand why you'd like to see a photo of the donor.
I stuck with the uk, for many reasons, but it will also give any child we have the opportunity to trace where their dna came from and possible dna genetic siblings, if they ever wish to. It's all a very personal tough choice. I'd rather it wasn't this way. I've accepted it but worry how my child is going to feel about it. De ivf seems to feel like the final taboo. If someone wants to give me 20k so I can keep trying with crappy eggs I'll pm you my bank account details.....
Just to add on the days just before the transfer and I had a wobble about de, lots of tears. I thought what a beautiful gift this wonderful lady has given me and I treasure this opportunity to be a mum. After the transfer I felt it was 100% me and my body. I'm going to join DCN so that my child can meet others in the same situation and I hope it's not going going to ever be a big deal for them. They will always be my child 100% x
Hey, I think most of us have that inital fight when we start considering DE. Wondering if the child will look anything like us or have our traits or being upset that it wont have these things. The way I look at it is, its my body that will nourish the "seed" and without my body this little seed wont grown. (I read an article that made me come around to this way, I'll dig it out and PM you!) If successful the child will be brought up the way we wish it to be brought up and encouraged in life the path we chose to lead it to. My mum was great at art, sewing and being creative....I am none of those things! My husbands sister looks nothing liker her mum, dad or brother and doesnt have the same nature so these things are not necessarily pre-programmed, so even if it was your own egg, your child may not look like you anyway.xx
Hi Orla, I am pregnant after DE. Albeit very early stages. I guess it was an easy move for me as 2 of my IVF cycles were converted to IUI due to low follicle numbers and I went to theatre with IVF with my own two follicles and got no eggs. I started trying to get pregnant at 38 and my Amh was 4.4 then so I was always a bad case. I did DE in a clinic in Portugal and they said the donor lady was 20 and a good match to me. I have never met or heard from anyone who has a donor egg baby and regrets it, all have said it is the best thing they have ever done xxx
We used DE for our 3rd Round of ICSI and it took me quote a while to get my head round using someone else's eggs. We stayed in the UK. I felt that the screening process for DE was detailed, ie build, height, eye/hair colours, skin tone. We took into account wider family characteristics when making our choices. We had to have an implications session with the counsellor before being accepted and she said most DE conceived children only want details/contact with the donor when they were considering becoming parents to just see what the person looks like. They can request information on the donor when they turn 18. The idea of anonymity didn't concern me perhaps as I felt the screening process was through. I think that we would have been very open with the child from the beginning about their conception, this was also advised by the counsellor. I'm not sure for me seeing a photo of the donor would have been helpful. I might have looked for her features in the baby but as we got a BFN it's only a hypothesis!
We only got 3 mature eggs out of 7 from the donor (egg sharing programme) which I was disappointed with, 2 fertilised but sadly for us it was another BFN. The statistics with DE were much better, unfortunately we weren't in the lucky 40%.
You might want to look at The Donor Conception website.
Hi Orla, I'm waiting to start de ivf treatment and may have some information which will help you. The clinic's counsellor explained to us that recent studies have proven that the donor recipient transfers about 10% of their own DNA whilst carrying the baby. Also she said it would be my body that switches on and switches off certain genes. I found this incredibly reassuring because it suggests that even though the egg we use won't be mine I will be influencing the nature of our child.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do next x
I am 14 weeks after our 2nd cycle using DE, for me it was an easy transition as I had 3 failed cycles (1 early miscarriage) with my OE. Personally I think families come together in many different ways and feel so lucky to have being given this chance of being a mummy. We decided to stay in the UK as want our child to be able to trace the donor if they wish to do so when older (again personal choice everyone is different) now I am actually pregnant that fact we used a donor doesn't factor into it, just feels natural, our own baby like any other pregnant woman would feel. Myself and my sister even though we look alike we are like chalk and cheese, so I don't worry about genetics I am looking forward to seeing what characteristics and talents our child will bring to our family. Any questions feel free to ask xxxx
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