Couple of tiffs!

Hiya,

Hope everyone's okay during these stressful times! Is anyone finding the process causing some pressure on their relationship? I know stress/emotions are high but me and my partner seem to be getting irritable with each other and leading to some arguments. Nothing major but I would've thought doing ICSI would bring us closer not the other way around. Getting a bfp has made us happy after years and years of trying and disappointments however he seems to be more stressed now about whether something could still go wrong or about managing financially/our lives changing. I meanwhile seem to be getting easily irritated when nothing in his life is really changing and whilst he can take a promotion at work, still go out drinking etc I'm effectively being his chauffeur, cleaning the house and it's me who has to go through all the physical symptoms and changes to my body, pausing my career plans etc I almost resent him a little bit. He says he'll be better when we have the scan in 3 weeks and know if it's okay. Maybe because then we could start telling people we are close to as up until now we've kept it a secret. He keeps asking me to do pregnancy tests to make sure it's still there. I don't mean to sound negative during what should (and is to some extent) a happy time, but I just wondered if anyone had any tips for coping with couple dynamics?

xx

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  • Hey, sorry things are tough for you at the mo but congrats on your BFP.

    I find I get so easily irritated with my husband on the build up to treatment and during, I think often it's other things that are going on in our lives but as he's the closest to me I take it out on him. Over the treatments we've had we've found maybe going out for dinner or away for the night if possible has helped us to 'escape' and just being able to focus on each other. Treatment takes over your life so much you can easily forget each other.

    Maybe the additional worries of your lives changing are setting in as you spend so much time trying to get pregnant you never stop to think about what could happen if it's successful. Wishing you lots of luck for your scan and a very healthy pregnancy xx

  • Hiya, not sure i can be any help as I could have written this post myself! We got our much longed for bfp after 5yrs ttc nearly 2wks ago and we're both struggling to adjust which is making us very snappy with each other.

    We thought the 2ww was bad, but this 3wk wait for the first scan is something else isn't it?! We're both so nervous/worried/anxious and exhausted by it all...but everyone expects you to be happy as "you've got what you wanted"

    The trouble us, you don't know if you've got it or not until you see that flicker of a heartbeat. You're still analysing every twinge/cramp/progesterone symptom...and forget going to the toilet without a huge worry that you're going to see spotting. I'm not surprised this period of limbo takes its toll on us and our relationships...my poor dh feels completely out of the equation and pretty much anything he says winds me up... (is that the hormones lol?!) Add to this the general worries about pregnancy like finances and work and you're onto a ticking time bomb.

    I suppose all we can do is ride it out...we've survived this far!...and keep apologising in a calm moment!!

    xxx

  • Hi ICSI32. Unfortunately, this is so common during the first weeks of pregnancy. All the stress you have both been through, and now the waiting for that first scan to meet your little "bean". I wondered whether you both had any counselling during your treatment! If not, there is still time to speak to someone on neutral ground. Once you've had your scan you will be put in touch with your midwife, who will be able to support you too. Not too long to wait now for your scan, so I hope all soon starts to settle back down for you both. Thinking of you. Diane

  • No we've not had any counselling, I hadn't felt I needed it before, I handled emotions okay before the embryo transfer. maybe I should, thanks for the advice. Have any of you guys tried it? I find this group helps and reading about people in similiar boat.

    That's so true about being unable to go to the toilet without panicking that you will see blood! Plus I've put on weight and boobs feel huge so don't fit into half my clothes and not feeling good about myself. No sex for a while either due to messy pessaries and worry about the effects.

  • Oh I'm so with you on the clothes not fitting...its a nightmare just trying to find something to wear every day. I'm down to 1 pair of jeans and 2 pairs of trousers that fit...and have no money for anything new right now. I feel so disgusting and out of shape, even though I'm eating super healthy! My boobs are pretty sore too (definitely no jogging or jiggling around without a sports bra lol!)...and I'm way too scared to have sex for loads of reasons. That's been off the cards for weeks which probably doesn't help things with dh. Hopefully it's all for a good cause though...until then I need to go and find a quiet hillside and have a good scream! xxx

  • Congrats on BFP :)

    In case of husband - seems he blames himself for everything.

    In case of another misfortune he prepares for worst so will be able to deal with it.

    Understand it as over care and forgive him.

    Just trying as best as he could to see yours baby.

  • Ah congratulations on your bfp. I think we forget that men can be sensitive creatures to but they bottle it up much more than us. After trying for ages it took my husband until prob 12 weeks and then after a little scare 20 weeks to tell the world and actually be as happy as he wanted to be. Men are typically the protectors and just want us to be safe and happy and is probably scared too. I agree we go through all the hard part but we are the strong mummy's and that's that! Carry on as usual when he sees the scan and you start get morning sickness and a bump etc he will be over the moon and hopefully, like me, you will be able to do no wrong for 9months. Have a great pregnancy there's some many amazing days ahead for you both xx

  • Congratulations! My boyfriend has been the same. He had a 'meltdown' a few days in to injections. He was freaking out about having a baby and unsure if he wanted it anymore!! I think he had just had so long to Think about it, where as a lot of men don't! I think it's normal for men to be scared by that added commitment and responsibility but it isn't helpful for us. I am totally with you about trying not to resent him given the things that you give up and go through. I think the counselling advice is a good idea, stick at it as it is going to be totally worth it. Best of luck Hun

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