diabetes, dr says it's impossible to be pregnant

Ok, it is time for us to wake up from all of the illusions we were living till this day. my husband and I have been suffering from diabetes, yes, the both of us. And whenever we would go to see a doctor, we would always be told that pregnancy for me is forbidden, because of the high risks of our baby having the diabetes. We went to like 50 doctors and I am not joking, but I always knew what they would say when they saw our medical histories. It is unsafe they have told us, which is such a stupid thing, because science basically does miracles but it can’t help us.

Okay it is either we use donor’s sperm or surrogacy on my hubby’s sperm. the first option won’t work, because my husband completely refuses to have a child from another man. Even when I explained him that the sperm donor will look like him and the doctors will match the donor according to his phenotype, he didn’t listen to me. So if I want to save my family I would have to use the second option, but I don’t want to. It is surrogacy and it is unachievable for the couple like ours. It is too expensive, I know about other countries, but I know nothing about international fertility clinics.

This is just pure hell. I know some of you are in worse pain than I am. But what can I do with myself.

20 Replies

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  • Sorry I don’t know anything about diabetes rather than that it is dangerous for pregnant women, especially pregnant women. Even though I don’t have any advice on it, I would like you to think about what is more important to you: your ability to give birth to the child who is going to be genetically connected to you or your child’s health! Plus, have you consulted with the doctor on using donor’s sperm, because for me it seems very unreasonable and maybe you should really ask the professionals about it?

    Plus, I can understand your husband point of view. It is in men’s dna, this desire to continue their tree.

  • I know about all the risks but I know that if I even get pregnant doctors will look for me, won't they? I mean, it is their job..

    of course there are still 2 options surrogacy on donor's eggs or sperm. We will have to choose but I can’t imagine us randomly getting 100k dollars and going for it, I have read that you need to pay like 40k dollars to your surrogate if it is in US. We don't have that much money.

  • but how about that fact that doctors do not know everything, they can make mistake or you can forget to do something, to say something. i know a girl who has been on her ivf tx, she just began her stimulation and had her dipherelin injection, her manager had told her to send her an email on the first day of her menstruation cycle. but she forgot and she had to wait for couple of months to start over the stimulation.

    i think you are trying to find the excuses to not follow your dr advice. because in Ukraine surrogacy costs like 30k and this price includes meds and the payment for surrogate mother.

  • have been to my dr yesterday... bad news, I am totally prescribed for surrogacy, nothing else would work out, if I get pregnant I will die and my child (if he manages to survive) will suffer from a severe form of diabetes. plus, I can't get stimulated, because of that. so...

    but my husband is taking care of me, right after we were told those words, he took me in his hands and hugged me so tightly.. I couldn’t even think about anything for some time..

    you said Ukraine? tell me more about it, I don't know what else will help me forget this nightmare..

  • oh my god!!!!! honey!!! it is so sad, how are you?? you know I was still hoping that you will get the approval on going for natural pregnancy or at least for the ivf treatment..

    yeah, I was talking about Ukraine but I don't know if you should think about it right after you have been through this shock. I would rather you to take some rest, or maybe your hubby do all of the research for you..

  • No, I can't, I have to do something, I can’t just sit there and think about how stupid I am and was and will be. this is what at least will give me some kind of reassurance, I need to know that there is still a chance of us having a child. because i have been devastated last 24 hours, even before the appointment. dr was really harsh, he said that in my case there will be no other option than to consider surrogacy or adoption. and neither of this two options involves my own dna. but I have to be just happy for my dh to be able to have his own kids.. it was his dream from the beginning...

    how to start with surrogacy ?

  • first of all the surrogacy treatment in my clinic with donor's sperm is impossible, you will absolutely have to use your hubby's sperm. You have said that you are worried about the prices, surrogacy is indeed expensive for me it cost 50 thousand of euros, but we have chosen the most expensive contract out of all.

    you can start with deciding on what clinic you want to sign with.

  • is that only your clinic that doesn't allow that or I can find another option in Ukraine? because Ukraine seems to be a very cheap country to pursue surrogacy..

    yeah, but first of all I need to get to know what clinics are out there at the first place

  • You know I can’t compare our situations but I am too very devastated right now, I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and advised some kind of a treatment, which is freaking awful, what kind of the treatment it will be if the results all came just fine? Can someone reply to me please? What the actual..

    And we were kindly advised to the fertility treatment, so for now our journey just begins, going to fertility centers and starting all of the stimulation of what I have no factual knowledge at all… I just hope that thy will help us because I have read too many posts about how women with unexplained infertility can’t conceive with their own eggs and have to pursue the egg donation treatment, which would mean for us that we would have to go for fertility center abroad, even though it is very common I can’t imagine us doing it…

    So. I am angry actually.

  • No, that's okay, I am here for you, and dealing with such a thing is very hard and tiring. you know for me it is like going in the dark and trying to find the light when everything around you is jet black, thinking about this inability to have your own kids that's what makes me angry.

    but what are you planning to do? I think that you still have a chance of conceiving with the help of reproductive technologies. even if they told you about your diagnosis that doesnt mean that life for you is over. you know everyone’s case is different so please don't give up honey!

    yeah, i know the treatment must be so stressful itself and adding to it with all of the flights..

    insanity

  • there is a hope, I am sure!!

    it is going to be donor egg treatment definitely because my amh level is very law and we have been trying to conceive for a long time already and after doctors came up with this test results I was really shocked, because they basically don't know what is going on. so my amh level is law, bloods came showing it is like 0,2. My us picture was unflattering too, so it is going to be egg donor ivf, which is very and very expensive in my country. i have found out about international options but.. i don't know

  • really? but if your tests results showed this it is very bad and it is so unfortunate that you would have to go for the treatment. but maybe there is still a chance to get your baby through ivf but on your own eggs? I think I have heard of women who were able to conceive with the lowest amh ever plus on the internet there are plenty of articles touching what you should do to increase your amh level. i think that you deserve at least one attempt on you own eggs.

  • I don't know but my doctor he didn't actually said that we can't go for the baby he was all about how fertility treatment increases chances to get pregnant naturally maybe we should go for iui or something or ivf and the stimulation will boost my fertility? Or maybe you could do this stimulation by yourself?

  • i don't know about undergoing stimulation on your own, but there is should be someone who will provide some sort of the control over you and your stimulation process. I am afraid that it is very dangerous and you have to know that the stimulation will do no hard, because for some women it is impossible due to huge risks. as for me for example..

    i doubt that iui will be suitable in your case, it will definitely be either ivf or icsi if we are talking about egg donor treatment.

  • yes, i know... drs have said that i must go for egg donor fertility treatment, which was really painful to hear. but i guess what else can i do. i surely can continue whining here and there or I can go for it without any doubts. it is very unusual that my hubby says that it is all up to me, that i should choose the clinic on my own he is no help, i tell you.

    in usa this treatment is very expensive though after elections we are planning to move to canada.. or elsewhere..

  • wow i understand you but dont jump right away to moving out of usa because trump became a president.

    talking abbout fertility treatment, i am sure that there are plenty of ivf options out there. i have heard of greece, czech republic, georgis, ukraine, russia, belgium (i think so) also provides ivf tx.

    i don't think that all of them are that cheap but at least they are a lot cheaper than those in usa.

  • Okay, it is very hard, but I don’t think that you should be very upset, I myself went through surrogacy and I know all of your worries and doubts but you can overcome all of that, there is going to be that moment when you will sit down and calm yourself and say to yourslef that ok you need to decide, for us, women with fertility issues, it is harder than for everyone else, because we can't really associate ourselves with the baby till he is born. but it is not like we are taking the easy path, we are fighting for our right to become mothers and we are fighting hard. harder than anyone else, you have to remember that there are clinics where you would have the option to see which donor would donate her eggs, you can even choose her so you will be in charge of your babies looks and behavior. it is another kind of control.

  • but the baby won't be mine, it won't be, and I don't see any sign of controlling over what donor would look like and how it influences my child.. especially when if we are talking about choosing the donor, there is only one country where it is even possible to do - America, and it is hella expensive over there. I am not going to start. going for surrogacy in US it means that i have to be on Trump level to afford it.

    I know that there will be a time when I will have to do something but I know hope to have my own kids.. even though drs said that it is impossible..

    but thank you for stopping by!

  • if we are talking about choosing donors it is not limited just by US clinics. For example I have been to Ukraine for my surrogacy treatment, it was some time ago though. But in Ukraine it is completely legal to choose the donors, of course they keep some level of anonymity but in my clinic they give you the link to the donor's database that consists of more than a 100 donors with photos, videos and all that jazz.

    you know I am the type of person who would trust her drs no matter what they say, even if I don't like the diagnosis I don't think that drs are here for messing up my health, they are trying to help and if you have been told to not get pregnant because of your condition it would be better if you listen to what your dr says. and if it is against all of your desires but it is for your health, I believe that it'd be better if you start opting for surrogacy, sorry to put it out like that.

  • Really? i thought that everywhere except USA there is a strict law limitation on choosing the donors and how they can stay anonymous if I can see their faces and all? Plus, the prices must be high too..

    yes, I got your point of view though if I don't find anything helpful I will totally follow my drs advice. but i still have hope. as lots of people said hat miracles do happen, I have to believe it

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