Pros and Cons - Donor Egg Conception

[emu2016]

I have been determined to document our donor egg IVF journey since I first realised how embarrassed I was that I didn't even know donor egg IVF existed. The ridiculous but normal, reasoned but crazy thoughts that go through your head are - at best - unreal. Until I set up my own blog to share my thoughts, this forum is kind of like my home to document them. So if you're already bored of me - sorry!

We live in a society where there is still a taboo around IVF; and donor conception in general. I felt so alone in trying to work out whether donor conception was right for us.

My first IVF ended on 17 July 2016 and last week on the morning of my BFP while looking for some paper for my friends daughter to scribble on I found a pros and cons list for donor egg conception that me and Mr Emu had created on 24 July 2016.

I love this list. I want to frame it and keep it forever! I'd never looked at since we'd written it but this will give you a very clear understanding of the thought processes me and Mr Emu went through. As well as demonstrating why Mr Emu is an absolute rock and makes me laugh every day.

In case you're wondering... I do have a small forehead. I hate it. But I cried a lot about not passing on. Mr Emu has had massive forehead. He hates it. I cried with laughter at the thought of our poor child ending up with it!

I don't know why I thought I wouldn't have loads of injections! Five weeks I was injecting for!

Also, I had to leave his plectrum over a word I wrote to describe one of his cons... that "it might work." He's from Yorkshire. Parting with money is difficult for him! So I called him a naughty word!

So I wanted to share this to show there are crazy and funny times on this journey as well sad ones. It's ok to have crazy thoughts. It's ok to take your time to decide what to do. It's ok to laugh and cry at the same time; this was not in your life plan.

X

[Cinderella5]

I blooming love this!! It has everything that goes through my head when u think about DE (my back up plan). It just shows how's much you two have humour and so much love in such a tough situation!! I don't think anyone will ever tire if you posts, you are so open & honest....i admire this!! I get the northern thing, I'm Scottish & my hubby is English and he calls me "tight" all the time....although I'm pretty sure I'm not!!😂😂xx

[emu2016 in reply to Cinderella5]

I'm glad you enjoy reading. We definitely found the funny sides; I guess we had to when I was crying so blinking much!

I'm northern too... I'm fairly frivolous with cash in comparison! And funny that we wrote £6,000... 😂 more like £8,500. Then flights and an extended holiday and holiday clothes and a toblerone in duty free! 😜 x

[Cinderella5 in reply to emu2016]

Holy moly, it's not cheap but will be worth it!! God I think my husband's worst thing would be his massive eyebrows but then again they're all the rage just now so not a bad thing at all....my friends say he has HD brows without trying!!😂😂 Hope you enjoyed that dear toblerone!xx

[emu2016 in reply to Cinderella5]

Don't mention eyebrows. Mr Emu has about half an eyebrow above each eye!!! Doomed! 😂😂😂

Balls. I wish I'd have requested good eyebrows on the donor form! x

[Hidden]

Pmsl!!! 'Jamie's massive tefal head' & 'Jamie's sense of humour' ABSOLUTELY brilliant!! 😂😂😂 We also have had loose conversations around DE and sadly the baby may be stuck with my husbands 'sense of humour', it's a running joke between us (well me!) on the account that when he laughs before he tells the story it generally not funny AT all!! 😘😘😘

We have talked about making a journal of our journey if we end up heading down the DE route for prospective children, you could think of making this into a book, all your posts!

Do you know what sometimes we have to go the path less travelled, I call it trailblazing 😘 Like those who have done it before us, this is normal for us! Conception the usual way isn't 'normal' for my husband and I, that's all for the fun!!

Lots of love xxx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

It is part of the fun! I totally hear you when you say about your husband's sense of humour... and finding it a funny joke. Imagine my delight in realising I could say "if our child is lazy - it will definitely have got that from you" hee hee!

I'm definitely starting a book or something! x

[CountryCat]

This really made me laugh - genius! The whole process is SO serious, exhausting, expensive and fraught with anxiety, that it's good to have a light-hearted perspective on it every once in a while. A total sanity saver xx

I am a very pragmatic person so oddly enough, I never thought twice about donor eggs. We made the decision in less than a day to go the donor ivf route. Will it pay off? Well, that is anybody's guess but at this juncture, I have no regrets and I guess that's the best I can hope for.

Hope to god any prospective child gets my singing voice and my husband's sense of humour, and not the other way around or we are truly screwed!!! 😝😂😱

[emu2016 in reply to CountryCat]

Once we looked at that list I remember saying: we're just gonna do this aren't we? It was obvious it was a natural route. How's the 2ww? xx

[CountryCat in reply to emu2016]

Honestly, I think I have died and gone to some as yet undiscovered level of hell!!! I am going insane - can't concentrate on anything, want to either hug things or stab them with a fork and haven't had many symptoms, so am thinking maybe it hasn't worked. I leap from hope to despair in a single bound...I am 2WW Girl!!! (Cue cool superhero theme music!) But seriously...thank you for asking...I am trying to not go mental xx 😘

[emu2016 in reply to CountryCat]

Ah I really miss the two week wait.

Nope.

Wait.

No... I don't... 😂😂😂

When's OTD? I seriously think having things planned helps. Bit random but I watched Bridget Jones' baby... cried of course but howled with laughter mostly!!!!

You can do this! Put your power pants on! x

[CountryCat in reply to emu2016]

June 12th.

Thank you hunny...pulling power pants on now xx

[emu2016 in reply to CountryCat]

Hurry up 12 June! My scan is 14th! 😘😘

[CountryCat in reply to emu2016]

How wonderful...happy days indeed 🎉🎉🎉

[72cloud9]

AB-SO-LUTLY love this!! Xxx

[emu2016 in reply to 72cloud9]

well I'm still making you smile! x

[Hidden]

This post seriously made me pee myself with laughter. Absolutely hilarious and also absolutely lovely. I was just writing about DE and reading this is really timely. from me, with a pretty big forehead, which I bloody hate xxxx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

Ooo, what are you writing? x

[Sez73]

How many 'pros and cons' lists I have found at various points around the house when I am least expecting to, this did make me laugh! I'm surprised I haven't created a pros and cons list for making a pros and cons list the way I am going! There's also the famous "put yourself in someone else's shoes" list which is always a good one too. And the "what if we do this" "what if we don't" list and the lists when I am exceptionally peeved off "all the unlucky things which have happened to me" list, then the "all the things I should be grateful" lists on the positive good days! I then have all my endometriosis lists of props and cons of certain surgeries/treatments etc...These lists are practically coming out my lug holes!!! My only saving grace...they remain in the style yours are, coloured felt tip, informal, light hearted and the occasional squiggle of creativity here and there to lighten the mood. The day I start laying it all out in a formal spreadsheet in black and white Excel is when I know I have finally lost all hope!!

PS I'm Scottish and my bloke is from Yorkshire...that must make us a lethal combo when it comes to money tightness!!??? I think you get to the point in this process when you may as well be taking a pile of money and throwing it on the barbie, it kinda loses its value when fertility struggles take hold...what's another few thousand hey...oh how we laughed!!! NOT!

Good on you for keeping the spirits up, hope you're feeling well? Sxx

[emu2016 in reply to Sez73]

I said the same to Mr Emu! We can't make a list in a spreadsheet. This situation is serious enough already!

totally hear you about the BBQ money throwing. That's how I got a new pair of shoes! What's another £50 this month?! (I'll regret that next month!)

Feeling ok. Less pains; sore boobs have gone; seem to have a lot of hunger tummy grumbling even when I've eaten. Not sure if that last one is just because I'm enjoying the excuse to eat. But of course worrying because until I've had my scan; I won't know if it's really really worked. And I've not tested since over a week ago. How's you? x

[Sez73 in reply to emu2016]

You get very blasé don't you, what's another £100 here and there...you soon deserve a new pair of shoes though!

Glad to hear you're doing ok love, hopefully the tummy growling has to do with 2 new little mouths to feed! Bound to be worrying until you have your scan, am thinking of you and willing good vibes all the way to a successful scan.

All ok here thanks for asking. Done all our prep work now so we can start the matching process and all systems go when we fly home in July...yikes!!!! Endometriosis flaring up at the mo though, just to remind me that it thinks that is the most important thing in my life...think on Ramon!!! Attention seeking little monster it is.

I think I deserve some new shoes too.....xxx

[Hidden]

Love this it's so funny made me laugh out loud xxx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

well done on making it to Friday x

[Fredaflintstone]

We are in the two week wait before EC And ET. It's all v scary - wondering whether the donor will have enough eggs to share. Did you use an exclusive or shared donor or perhaps you went abroad and they do it differently there? Did you get a lot of eggs? We don't have any real idea of what to expect in terms of number of eggs/embryos etc. Excited and scared at the same time!

Hopefully EC will be around 12 June and ET around 15-17 June. Did you transfer a blastocyst? Sorry for all the questions. I think I need to set up a page with other on the journey at the same time as us - though they'll prob be in the same not knowing position too.

Thanks for injectimg humour into the process. It's a difficult time so it's good to find fun things to think about too.

I forgot to say - we had originally asked for a donor with blond or light brown hair but we're matched with one with dark brown hair - which my husband has. She sounds perfect but I did struggle a bit with the hair colour difference. When I remembered that I hate my hair anyway it all became a lot easier - I'm now really excited about the prospect of having a little brown haired bubba - fingers crossed!

[emu2016 in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Hello, we went to Cyprus. Not because for anonymity but because it was so quick. We got 15 eggs from the donor and transferred two very good quality embryos on day 3.

Wishing you lots of look with your cycle!!! Now long now!!! How exciting! xx

[Fredaflintstone in reply to emu2016]

Yes I hear it is quicker and usually abroad treatments cost less too. It's an expensive process. So glad you got so many eggs and good quality embryos!

Yes am v excited but also feeling a little wrung out emotionally. Am having a duvet day today and trying to chill a bit while hubby's on the late shift.

Good luck with everything! Xx

[emu2016 in reply to Fredaflintstone]

You have those duvet days when you can. I'm having mine tomorrow! My hubby will be on a late shift too!

You ask questions whenever you want xxx

[Fredaflintstone in reply to emu2016]

Enjoy yours Emu! Thank you - sure I'll have questions more as we go. Xx

[Hidden]

Love this!!xx

[emu2016 in reply to Hidden]

Thought you would! x

[Nyko1]

I love your posts 👍😁x

[emu2016 in reply to Nyko1]

Thanks xx

[Pinky_123]

This is fab Emu we had a discussion on the way back from our clinic today where we went on the waiting list for a donor - wondering if we could request a donor with a button nose to counteract James's huge one! Xx

[emu2016 in reply to Pinky_123]

Do it! I don't think I'll ever really stop being sad for my nose, forehead, double jointed thumbs, freckles.... But we wouldn't be here today if I didn't take what was most important and ensure it was there.

It's crazy; but I've always wanted a blonde hair blue eye baby... but I couldn't specify that. Mr Emu has that... but our donor is matched to me... so now I'm excited to know what we might get! xx

[Pinky_123 in reply to emu2016]

You never know - my sister has my grandmas blue eyes and blonde hair, I am brunette with green eyes and freckles! I'm trying to see it as putting some element of surprise back into the whole process after 6 years of IVF! xx

[emu2016 in reply to Pinky_123]

Exactly! xx

[minerva17]

That's wonderful! It made my day for sure 😂😂😂 You reminded me that there are still lots of lovely moments about our journeys. Although I'm a newbie and a lucky one I can't share my long experience but I remember being anxious about children's appearance. It's not a common thing to discuss as we are fighting for a simple possibility to become just moms and not models' moms. BUT, we are women and we want our children to have perfect noses and foreheads, right? haha

When I was choosing an egg donor, I tried to find a girl who looks more like me. Of course it's not a guarantee but it would be nice if it works.

Thank you for such encouraging post. I hope you are doing great xxxx

[WeeMrsH]

I didn't see this when you posted it! Brilliantly funny, honest and informative as always 😘 xx