Just thought I'd try to get some of these feelings written down. We are starting our DE IVF cycle, and I'm still not "over" the after effects of previous treatments. We were so hopeful with the first steps for coping with our fertility issues. Everything looked 'perfect' (what the doctors said). They kept saying luteal phase defect isn’t a big deal. Just more progesterone needed. Later turned out my eggs being of a very poor quality. Now I have so many doubts it will work out. I feel so dead inside.
I'm just going through the motions. I can barely remember about my meds on time. Seems like I’ve never had such a weak period..
I know I have to find a way to shake this. From the very beginning we were both so excited and determined and full of hope. Now I feel sadness even though nothing bad has happened so far. I took down decorations in the house, and told my husband I refuse to celebrate holidays until we aren’t childless any more. I'm afraid to research "IVF and depression"...because I'm afraid it will tell me that your chances decrease with depression...and that will be yet another thing to bring me down.
Part of me wishes we could just wait a few months, but time is never on our side with infertility. So here we go..