Devastated...

[froya]

Hello everybody. I read a lot but didn’t post anything so far. Girls are very helpful here and I appreciate that. I did not want to tell about my pregnancy because of fear that someone may put a jinx on it. But apparently it does not depend on the evil eye. The IVF was performed on March 6th. We did in Czech in Zlin. Only 7 eggs were mature, 3 fertilized and 1 transferred on day 5. Two were frozen. Anyways I became pregnant for the first time. But the happiness was not long, on Friday we already had 11 weeks, we went to ultrasound and together with my husband heard that oure child does not move, the heart stopped and I need to go for cleaning. To say it was shock it’s to say nothing. I held on but my husband began to cry right in the car. After the operation was over and I was at home the sea of tears and hysterics began. Still I can’t recover and suffer from insomnia, I haven’t slept for more than 36 hours. Now I’m trying to pull myself together but sometimes tears are pouring down on me. Only now I realize how it feels when a woman loses her child… Can’t decide what to do

[MrsEE81]

Lots of love to you froya, I feel your pain. Xxx 😘 💛

[froya in reply to MrsEE81]

Thank you so much !!!xxx

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi froya. I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost your precious pregnancy, after all seemed to be going well. It is never easy losing such a precious, much wanted pregnancy, when often no reason is found for it happening. If you are in the UK now, perhaps you could speak to your GP about having some counselling, which might help both of you. You need to look after yourself, and you need some sleep, which your GP will help you with too. Such a dreadful thing to have happened to you both and I hope you soon find the support you need just now. Thinking of you. Diane

[froya in reply to DianeArnold]

Thank you for your reply Diane and for these kind and warm words. It's just in time, you know. No one knows I was pregnant besides my husband so I have no one to talk to, but on the Internet with women I don't know. Sounds a bit silly but women like you are the best friends for me at the moment. thank you for your advice, surely I need to take something to sleep. I just had no strength to ring my gp. I'm a bit better if it's ever possible in my situation. May God keep you safe!x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK in reply to froya]

Hi froya. My pleasure! You will become strong again, but it takes time, as I know. Do pop and see your GP when you feel you can, he/she is there to help you. Diane

[bfrida]

sorry for you!!! Keep moving and everything is going to be ok one day!! We are all here with you!!!

xxx

[froya in reply to bfrida]

Thank you so much bfrida! Your support is what I really need at the moment. I need to be stronger to help my husband to overcome this with me. I hope you are feeling better after your failed cycle. I can imaging your disappointment and grief. It's so unfair. why us? are you going to try again?

xxx

[bfrida in reply to froya]

yes, we still have our frozen embryos, my little snowballs! I don't want them to be without me. I want them to live and brings happiness in this world.

Honestly, it’s very devastated for me but I will do my best in order to become a mother. I will give our family one more chance.

how are you feeling dear? how's your husband?

[froya in reply to bfrida]

oh snowballs, that' so sweet. I can't but hope for apositive result of your next round. I imagine your misfortune, it's painful thing to face with. Family is the most important thing in our life after all. Hold on!

I feel better now, thanks. We had a day of sorrow this weekend and didn't hide our feelings...we cried and shared our everything. It was the nest therapy for sure. Thinking of our future now and possible options. take care x

[bfrida in reply to froya]

thank you very much for warm words. It means a lot to me.

I'm sure everything is going to ok one day.

thanks my clinic we have a chnce to try one more time. I don't know what we would do if they didn't allow us to start a new cycle.

how are you? are you feeling better these days?

[Petricker]

mother of god! I'm so sorry for your lost Froya. Your words made me feel my own pain more clearly. Your husband and you need time. no one can tell you how long it takes because it depends on you. My loss hurts like it was a week ago and I'm sure that the pain will be almost the same in a year. But at the same time I'm trying to live my life hoping for better future. I'm moving on and ready to have one more try. give it a time and think about your family. Your hubby is the one you can trust and you need to support each other because both of you need this as hell. take care of yourself and try to have a rest. Thinking of you xx

[froya in reply to Petricker]

Thank you so much! You are right so i'm not even trying to forget about this pain, just seeking something that can steal my time and make my thoughts brighter. Our family will be stronger I'm sure, although you are right - we need some time.

I hope your next round will be successful, you deserve a positive result after all you've been through. It's not fair that we women try so hard and have no results. when young girls just become pregnant after one-night-stand. Sorry for this, I'm pissed off.

best wishes xxox

[DC13]

I am so sorry for your loss and totally understand what you are going through as we lost our first ever pregnancy too.

Be kind to yourself and things will take time. You will never forget but the pain does lessen and somehow us strong women find a way to pick up the pieces.

You will have dark moments but you will also have less dark moments and more of them. Take time to grieve.

Seek counselling if you feel you need to.

I looked for a positive focus and aldo went out and did stuff that I would not have been able to do. This helped me but everyone is different and has different coping strategies.

Big hugs

Xx

[froya in reply to DC13]

I'm so so sorry that we appeared in the same boat. Thanks for such great advices. I'm trying to stop blaming myself and everyone who took part in the procedure. I realize that no one is responsible for this, it's just happened but it's so easy to blame someone aaah. I'm just looking for something positive to focus on

Thank you for your huge support! Wish you all the best and if you are going to move on and have one more cycle, fingers crossed for positive result xxx

[Hidden]

I'm so so sorry for your loss, heartbreaking, xx

[froya in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Nyko! xxx

[Coracle]

Dear Froya, so glad you felt you could share. So so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your husband.

You are certainly surrounded by love and support here, do tell us how you feel when you need to.

Take yourself to an area of beauty if you can. I have really felt the healing power of gardens, parks etc recently. Today I went to a big National Trust beautiful parkland with lake etc, and found myself crying. I was there with hubby. We are in the 2 week wait with none in freezer. I felt comforted by the beauty in front of me, and felt there IS joy and beauty in life, and hope ahead even if we fail again...or somehow just comforted.

Be blessed, be comforted, may you be filled with strength xx

[froya in reply to Coracle]

Thank you so much for your support. You are totally right re readiness to share, it's not that easy. Even though no one know who I am I can't be 100% open here.

However, when I meet so much support I feel really better, so I will definitely use these communities as a special therapy.

Nature may heal, agree again. unfortunately, there is no beautiful park or garden nearby so we need to go within 30 miles I guess to find something of the kind. and I'm working till 8 pm and when I get home it's too late to 'travel'. maybe I'll find something this weekend.

Anyway, I'm grateful for your advice from the bottom of my heart xxx

[Tugsgirl]

So sorry for your loss. I've been in a similar situation back in April. It will be very hard for you in the coming days and weeks but you will get stronger, though there is no time limit to grieving, and it will always hurt, it will begin to hurt a little less each day.. xx

[froya in reply to Tugsgirl]

thanks Tugsgirl. sorry you also faced this, afwul experience. I feel it's getting better, not much but it's easier to push off a wish to cry all day. My hubby tries to do his best to stay strong but it seems this damaged him more than me. I'm worrying about him and when he is close to me I can't be whining. i think it works. Anyway, we can't change anything and we have to live with this. I hope life will make us happier sooner or later. xxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to froya]

It's been 7 weeks since my surgery and I'm feeling much better. I still get sad but it's moments here and there rather than all day every day. You'll get there xx

[Flossy85]

I'm so sorry to hear of your sad news 😢, please look after yourselves, sending lots of hugs xx

[moogs]

So so sorry to hear you news. I can't imagine the feeling of loss and grief you are going through. I hope you get some time out to look after yourself best you can. Sending big hugs xxx