Doubts

[Bozo_the_pumpkin]

We have just done our first DE cycle... BFN and I haven’t told anyone that this is what we are doing. Yesterday a friend asked how things are going (he was aware that we have tried IVF for a while before without success) and I told him of our negative result. His response was that I am very optimistic and should we just stop wasting all this money and adopt instead.

This has really brought me down.. I think for the first time during this whole journey what he said really knocked my confidence and the doubts of whether we will ever be successful comes knocking.

I don’t think I will give anyone an update on our situation again

[Boo718]

Aww I’m so sorry. Someone said that to me too and I said if I don’t have children what else am I going to do with it. Can’t take it with you. Please don’t feel down our first de cycle failed too. Some people don’t realise how their comments can affect others. Huge hugs to you xxx

[Hidden]

I love how people just say adopt as adopting is so easy! People really dont realise what theyre saying they dont mean to be hurtful. I get just buy a puppy quite a bit although my kids would love a puppy no thanks a puppy's not a baby.

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to Hidden]

Wow.. I haven’t heard that one before.. I can’t even believe someone said that to you... I am not sure which is worse.. 🤯 I am sorry you had to deal with that ... this journey is stressful enough without having to deal with that as well. Thank you for your message... it helps when you know you’re not the only one

[Hidden in reply to Bozo_the_pumpkin]

Tbh it was a friend who has had fertility issues in result has no biological children she does have an adopted boy and a dog. On a group chat in front of all our friends to get a puppy. I responded the chat fell silent lol. The other was my sisters mother in law who is a dog person NYE I was currently in the midst of my 3rd mc 2nd scan was booked in on NYD (she didn’t know I was even pregnant) was she was talking about the 2 prev mc and suggested get a dog well dogs were better anyway lol

I would get a dog but it’s the picking up poo all the time just not me!

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to Hidden]

Wow ouch! I really feel for you. Do you think perhaps a puppy helped your friend deal with her infertility issues? She must have an inkling of how you feel... sothe comments are not helpful-especially so publicly. Getting a dog whilst going through IVF I can understand.... suggesting getting a dog I stead of IVF especially whilst going through and MC.... I can’t even begin to think how that made you feel. I am so sorry you had to go through that. Have they learned to be more sensitive and careful with there comments?

[Hidden in reply to Bozo_the_pumpkin]

I’ve seen my friend since she does mention it neither do I don’t really hold grudges was just a little insensitive at the time. Yeah I think the dog prob did help she actually said she like dogs better than people lol

[andylins]

We've been through egg donation too. Moreover this time we travelled abroad, so were quite far away home and all the people around who knew about our struggles. I think the worst I've ever heard was ''I have 3 babies. You may take one of mine..''People seem to be not too compassionate with the infertile. or they just don't understand how painful this road might be when you fail to use your ''natural right''. Please be kind to yourself, and if it keeps your mind in more peace do not tell people details. Unless those are your truly supportive ones. God bless you.

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to andylins]

Thank you andylins. Yes you are right... people are not too compassionate. There are only a few friends that I have told and most of them have been super supportive but I haven’t told anyone that we have moved from IVF with own eggs to donor eggs. I just don’t want to have to deal with any possible come backs that I should have had children sooner. Thank you for your words of encouragement.. it really helps. Good luck on your journey and I hope that you get your BFP very soon. Xx

[2-shades-of-hope]

That is such a ridiculous thing to say to somebody in your position. I’ve had it too. There’s so much wrong with that attitude that it would take too much energy to explain to them why it’s not the right step for you. I wouldn’t share things with that friend again x

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to 2-shades-of-hope]

Exactly what I thought as well.. no.. no more details from now on.. just the usual .. ‘ we are waiting’ answer. Have already moved on from another friendship because of such comments. Thank you 2- shades. Good luck to you... and stay as strong as you sound🤗

[Cinderella5]

Well I know how you feel! Most people know that we are doing IVF without too many details. I have to say most people are supportive however I have had negative comments but my bloody MIL is the worst along. She tells my husband all the time that we are "doing the wrong thing by trying again", "you need to give it up and get a puppy", "you can have a nice life together, just have lots of holidays.....you're gonna break up"! Sheeeesh! The list goes on, he gets pretty fed up with her and I dont have to listen to her but it still gets on my nerves. To be honest its made me more determined to do this last cycle as its our choice and our choice only. Dont get me wrong we have started to talk about what happens if we are unsuccessful as its becoming more a reality but whilst we have embryos and the energy to keep going we have a chance and until otherwise that's how we both feel! Chin up lovely, you're one heck of a strong lady to put yourself through this and if you can dont let others bring you down, if they need told to back off then tell them.....Im fed up with people thinking that its anyones business other than ours! Hugs.xx

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to Cinderella5]

Lol Cinder- I love your attitude and your energy. Don’t let your MIL’s comments get you down. Yes, it is no one else’s business. Funny how people who haven’t been in this position, or who have had all the children they wanted feel they have the answers.

I have been doing so well you know.. I knew the chances of success with my own eggs were slim .. I never even made it to transfer with my own eggs.. but I dealt with it ok as my expectations were so low. With the De cycle there are no quality issues and I somehow just expected that all our troubles were over... now I wonder how bad our situation really is. I’ll get over it soon.. back in the saddle soon.. but it’s nice to have a pep talk from people who know what they are talking about... thank you so much! And well done you! I am so pleased about your BFP🤗🤗

[alockie]

I am sorry your cycle has failed. Unfortunately many people even our family members or close friends are not aware how difficult this journey might be. I keep my fingers crossed for a positive outcome. Myself I know many ladies who got pregnant via IVF-s with own eggs, donor eggs or PGS NGS xx

[Bozo_the_pumpkin in reply to alockie]

Thank you alockie. Yes it is quite a journey... and we all just get up, dust ourselves off and continue on the bumpy road. Thank you for you well wishes and your message. The support from all of you has made me feel stax better than I did this morning. I wish you good luck on your journey as well🤗🤗