Ex partner is pursuing treatment with joint financial and reproductive ownership of sperm

[Tammy30]

Hi

I'm currently the biological of a 3 year old of which my ex partner and I share joint parental responsibility. She broke up our 9 year relationship when our daughter was 10 months old and started a new relationship with girl who was 18 years old.

Now she is pursuing fertility treatment with the private clinic who hold x2 vials of the same sperm donor of our current child. The clinic has asked for me to consent and write an email stating this as well as the additional that I'm aware it would not constitute as an 11th family.

I really don't wish to consent to this and wondered if the private clinic can go ahead and allow my ex partner with treatment?

The clinic did state Lyndon stated this Ina previous email:

Until you both sign I can't see a way to proceed to treatment without legal intervention. It's in both of your interests to sign.

I don't feel it is my interest to sign..

anyone else gong through the same thing?

[ShellyC]

Hi Tammy. I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a complicated situation. I am afraid I am not in a similar position at all, but would have thought your clinic should be able to give you very clear answers about it. I suspect from what you are saying you both have to consent - certainly with all aspects of IVF that I have been aware of (albeit very different circumstances) if you enter into it as a couple you need consent from both parties and consent can be withdrawn at any time from either one of you. I am not sure if the same rules apply to donor sperm though I am afraid. If you aren't sure it is what you want, don't sign! And ask your clinic to clarify the facts regarding the ethics/consent. Good luck, sorry I can't help more x

[Tammy30 in reply to ShellyC]

Hi Tammy

Many thanks for your reply. From my understanding my ex is going for IUI treatment and the clinic suggest I had one sperm and my ex had the other. I have embryo eggs of which my ex had signed over a year ago to state she will not be the legal parent of it.

I don't feel comfortable signing it. I have asked the clinic if they don't receive both consents what will happen?

I do feel I will get a horrible reaction from my ex if I don't sign it. I can't get over that she still wants to use the sperm we got together with a new partner that is 16 years younger than her.

[72cloud9]

So sorry u r having this stress.the clinic should definitely be explaining your rights to you.you could maybe get in touch with citizens advice if not and find out your legal standing.i would have said that it needs both your consents for her to be able to use them but I'm not a legal expert

Best of luck x

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Tammy30. The clinic is right with what they state. Why don't you contact a legal firm such as "Natalie Gamble Associates" for further guidance. I do wish you well for a correct decision about this. Diane

[Tammy30]

Hi both

It has been never ending the stress with my ex.

I got this from the clinic:

Dear Tammy

looking at this from the outside; ultimately both of you will have access to this sperm donors samples. I’m no solicitor by any means but I can’t see any other outcome than that. As such I perceive solicitor’s fees won’t change anything but just create you further costs and issues.

As I’m sure you are aware, I cannot of course provide you with paperwork from any patient without their prior consent and can only discuss communications with you and no other patient.

I’ll leave everything going forward in your hands and await your decision or contact from your legal representation.

Your storage for the vials for the next 12 months was due yesterday (11/4) so we will make contact with you in the next several days for the payment. That invoice has no bearing on your current wishes as to the use of the vials but is just the routine annual charge.

Lastly, Your ex partner may attend the clinic at any point and we have to inform her of the current state of play. This puts the clinic as I’m sure you will agree in a slightly difficult position. I’m not sure if you prefer to let her know you are seeking legal advice / considering your options before we are put in that position?

I am not sure what to do but had this advice from a fertility lawyer:

The clinic is able to outline its own rules/procedures for treatment and so if they are insisting on it you may have little choice if you wish to use the donation. However, in your email you say you would not be permitted to as an 11th family. In that case I am unsure of the incentive for you to sign it.

I don't wish to sign it but I'm scared the response I will get from my ex partner. I also don't wish to use it now after all the stress it is causing.