Just starting fertility treatment

[Midget-gem]

Hi everyone totally new to all of this I have been trying for a baby for the past 15 years since the deaths of my premature twin daughters I have suffered several miscarriages and 20 months ago separated from my husband. I am now hoping to start fertility treatment with the London Women’s Clinic as a single person using a donor as yet I don’t know if ivf or out will be possible for me until I have had the initial tests done next week to see if I can carry a baby at all due to previous issues. My question though is myself and my ex husband have been separated for 20 months but are unable to begin our divorce until September as that is the 2 years separation that the law states you must have, we are both very amicable and still friends despite being separated however the clinic has informed me that should I begin treatment with them before I am divorced my ex will be classed as the legal father despite me using a donor does anybody have experience of this and advise me please I don’t want ondrlay atarting treatment until after my divorce but also don’t want my ex partner to have parental responsibility of a child born after our separation Thankyou in advance

[HopeTTC18]

Sorry I don’t have any advice regarding the legality but that sounds bonkers to me. You can choose who you list as the father on the birth certificate, I don’t see how it would automatically be your husband just because you are still legally married. That doesn’t make any sense in modern times to me.

I’m in a same sex marriage and my wife will be listed as the other parent on our child’s birth certificate so you would think they would be forward thinking enough not to default a father onto a birth certificate when you are separated.

I’m interested to hear the outcome of this but wanted to wish you the best of luck in your treatment

[Midget-gem in reply to HopeTTC18]

Thanks so much for your reply it is totally stupid your right but apparently that is the law he would automatically get parental rights due to us still being married I have made an appointment with a solicitor to see exactly where I stand but just wondered if anyone here could help me before then it just seems to be one hurdle after another as a single woman it’s so frustrating

[Kyell2]

Hmm I’m not sure. To become the legal parent my OH had to sign the IVF forms to agree to being the legal parent as we need to use donor sperm. We’re not married though so maybe that changes things.

Could you maybe get some legal advice, shouldn’t cost a lot. I know my clinic recommend a specialist solicitor to give advice, maybe yours does too. So much extra to worry about though 😔 x

[Midget-gem in reply to Kyell2]

Thanks for your reply my clinic have said all they can suggest is that I get legal advice I’ve made an appointment with a local solicitor just wondered if anyone on here could help before then that was all. It is so much extra to worry about there just seems to be hurdles every where I look at the moment due to a previous history of pre eclampsia so am now at an increased risk of it happening again and now being single But still married causing an issue it’s hard not to loose hope altogether. If you don’t mind me asking what clinic did you use? X

[Kyell2 in reply to Midget-gem]

I think the issue might be that you need a solicitor who specialises in that type of law. My OH is a local solicitor and he knows nothing about any of this stuff so you might want to ask before you go if this is something they can help with. I’ll pm you the clinic name as we aren’t supposed to mention them other than that way x

[LunaLovegood11]

When I got divorced I didn’t want to wait 2 years so divorced on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. It was amicable with us too so I explained I wasn’t being mean but wanted it over quickly and it took about 6 months in total. There are online guides to help you word it so it all gets passed. It may help the situation to get it done quickly, he has to sign to agree but maybe keeping him in the loop won’t upset things when you have to give reasons.

[Midget-gem in reply to LunaLovegood11]

Thankyou for replying that may be something worth speaking to him about it wasn’t actually something I had thought of he wants the divorce as much as I do and as I say things are amicable so it could be something he would agree to x

[Hidden]

If you both agree just file the petition with the date as 2 years ago nobody questions the date as long as he signs it.

[Shinyhalo1]

Hi, I don’t understand why would you want your ex to have legal responsibilities if you have split up? I think your clinic may have advised you incorrectly here and it sounds utter madness to do something like that.

My divorce was finalised in dec 2018 and took 9 months start to finish so it won’t be a quick procedure. And I went through one of these quickie divorce websites. Be careful with unreasonable behaviour- you have to note down dates and times of 7 times when your ex has been unreasonable. To get the divorce over with pre date it. If your ex is amicable with it all, the courts don’t ask questions they just want a date of separation. Good luck with your journey. X

[Midget-gem in reply to Shinyhalo1]

Hi I don’t want him to have legal responsibility we split up in 2017 but as yet are not divorced due to having to wait until 2 years of separation which isn’t until September this year my clinic have advised me though that due to still being married but not divorced despite being separated he will be classed as any baby that is born it’s legal father it doesn’t seem right to me either but it’s on their paperwork and everything hence me trying to get some advice from here thanks for your reply x