Do you ever feel guilty for thinking some people have life so damn easy?!

Hey ladies, I'm fully aware that people are not always open & honest about the struggles they face in life and particularly now with social media many people only present their 'best self' but does anyone struggle with frustration that some of their (even closest) friends moan about the most trivial of things while you're sat here like 'hello, try being infertile, with endometriosis and about to face your 4th IVF'?!

I have a good friend who've I've never had any doubts about and who has been understanding during our IVF roller coaster (as understanding as she can be with 4 children that came easily!) but who will mindlessly sit and have a little moan about 'problems' that I would happily swap for my day to day struggles. I feel so guilty even saying this and I know we all have our stuff to deal with but unless people are really hiding some things, some people really have it so much easier than others πŸ˜•

My friend recently had to miss some social occasions because one of her children were poorly and it was clearly a big inconvenience. I couldn't help thinking she would never cope with the unpredictably and intrusiveness of IVF. Am I a bad person/friend for thinking this? I would never ask anyone in the 'real world' but I know I can be honest on here ❀️ Sorry for ranting, it's just been one of those days I guess x

21 Replies

oldest β€’ newest
  • Hi Georgina, if there is ever a time to get your feelings out and not feel guilty then this is it. You are definitely not a bad person. I'm not being unfair when I say unless you've been through this you don't understand. One of my friends recently said to me "it's a gruelling process" and I'm thinking you don't know the half of it. It does always seem that other people have it easy especially when they appear to have sailed through the whole having children process. Another of my friends did just that but then openly admits she doesn't love her husband. I guess what I'm saying is other people do have it difficult, just in different ways. Every day I count my blessings thinking about what I do have rather than what I don't. Good luck with everything and rant away when you need to!xx

  • Thank you Louise, you're right. I know people often have problems no one knows anything about and I'm normally the same as you, counting my blessings, I think yesterday was just one of those days where it was difficult to keep being relentlessly positive! I'm feeling better today though, I think I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm so very lucky to have a wonderful husband & people who really care for me so I will put that negativity aside and focus on that πŸ™‚Xx

  • I think the whole fertility journey puts us under so much stress and we become super sensitive to the smallest complaints that others makes especially those that are baby related. Your feelings are completely normal and I think unless you have walked in our shoes others try and sympathise but it is very hard for others to truly understand the daily struggle and battle that we have to go through. Your right that social media always presents a picture perfect image but life isn't always like this for many. I know its incredibly hard at times but we are all here with you and we understand the frustration and stress that all this causes. Take care and sending you a big hug xxx

  • Thank you nmill 😘 Xx

  • Hey

    I totally get this. I have one friend in particular whos life just seems to fall into place? She's landed on her feet with everything, has a son and one on the way, fell pregnant the minute she wanted to. Moaned the whole way through her first pregnancy and is around 8 weeks with the other and told me I'll never do this again it makes me feel too ill (I get that but someone with infertility would feel that ill 100 times over just to have their baby)!!

    She moans about really daft things and I guess to her these things probably are a big deal but to us it's like seriously? Try going through what we do! And sometimes I do think you would never cope with infertility but then I think well maybe that would make her stronger and more appreciating of things like it did for me?

    Don't feel bad for how your feeling. It's very normal. I think everybody here can definitely relate to this! Xxx

  • Thank you Amanda, I feel so much better today and particularly for knowing it's not just me and I'm not a terrible person 😳 You're right about it making us stronger, when I'm not feeling like I did yesterday I can actually see the positive things that this journey has brought..I am much stronger and proud of myself for what I've dealt with, and my relationship with hubby is stronger for it too.

    Sorry that you have to listen to that from your friend, I guess even those that know what we're going through just get so caught up in their own lives & feelings, even when sat in front of those who'd love to have those problems! We just have to let it go I guess. Thanks for your reply xxx

  • I agree with all of the above, thanks for being so honest Georgina; it's just so hard sometimes - even if you love your friends to pieces there are times when you just want to shake them and tell them they don't know how bloody lucky they are! Xxx

  • Ah thanks for your reply and the understanding Alice, I needed to get it off my chest but deliberated over whether to post it because I thought it makes me sound like an awful person & friend πŸ˜•

    I do love my friends and have never felt this way about any of them, I think this process just stirs up all kinds of new feelings and it's very unnerving! Nice to know it's not abnormal! 😘

  • Course you're not a bad person! Much better to get it off your chest anyway and it's definitely not abnormal xxx

  • No, it just makes you human. I had just this conversation with a friend who has just found out she is going to have problems conceiving and found herself thinking like this for the first time yesterday... Be kind to yourself - we all have thoughts like that at times and feel horrid for them. Does not make any of us bad people! 😘 xx

  • Thank you loopielu xx

  • You're so not alone! I think we all have days where we feel like this but we all try to keep a lid on it as it makes us feel like bad people! We are not bad people, we are just having a bad time. But if you look hard enough you can always find someone having a worse time... sometimes that thought helps... but that's another kind of thought that makes you feel like a bad person... and so the cycle of self criticism continues...

    😏

  • So true! Thanks Hun, we should be kinder to ourselves, this process is hard enough xx

  • That's perfectly normal. I get secretly cross when woman are complaining about things I would gladly exchange for my problems. I feel like I'm heartless but it's natural to feel like that. Some people moan how they are struggling to get pregnant with their third or fourth child and I'm thinking at least they are already a Mummy.

  • Good to know it's not just me, thank you xx

  • Ha ha, absolutely! I had a real spate of feeling this way this last weekend at our church picnic! xxx

  • Feels very unfair doesn't it Coracle, I guess we'll all have our good & bad times but sometimes people's problems feel so petty! Xx

  • I always say getting pregnant is either the hardest or the easiest thing to do no in between.

    I know what you mean though for some everything just appears to go right for them all the time and it's all encompassing anything from ill health to redundancy to fertility to relationships or just plain old stepping in dog dirt.

    All you can do is focus on you and your wellbeing and as you say some people do just gloss over or don't let on when they have it tough you only see what someone wants you to see!

  • You're right, thanks Rach xx

  • no you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling like that as yes its bloody unfair that some people have things easy and you don't and think why them and not me?

  • I totally understand and a rant really helps especially when it somewhere like here when you know people will understand! Don't worry about how you are feeling or what you are saying I totally think the same on a regular basis! Xxx

You may also like...