Fertility Network UK

bfn! I won't accept it


yesterday I got to know that we have failed this

Gosh, it's is a nightmare, I want to wake up again and get to know it was just a bad dream. But no, it's is only my expectations.

Yesterday I spent all day crying, I didn't eat I was blaming myself. why this world is so cruel to me? Why it took away a chance to be happy? no, I can't believe in this!!

I'm suffocating here in the house. In this room, it's too big for me, I'm alone.

No one understands me right now

18 Replies

Hi danysh13....you poor thing! I also got a bfn at 22.30 on Tuesday night when my af arrived literally out of nowhere. It was such a shock at first...even though I thought I'd prepared myself for it.

Was this your first go? It was mine after 4.5yrs ttc. I saw on your other posts you got 17 eggs at egg retrieval. Did any of them turn into freezable embryos? I managed to get some put away so am focusing on those for my next round.

It really is proper poop. I say that, my head tells me it's not the end of the world, but my heart is broken!

Luckily I'm at work which gives me something else to focus on. How comes you're alone in the house?

I suppose all I can say is, it's ok and perfectly normal to be upset. Don't bottle it up if you need to cry. I can only compare the pain to bad relationship breakups that I had in my 20's so I've taken from that, that things will get better in time. In the meantime I am going to spoil myself rotten and try and get back a little bit of the person that I lost when I started treatment.

Please don't blame yourself...its just one of those things.

Take care xxx


oh, thank you very much,

yes, it was my first try(first try of a surrogacy)

the doctor told I was healthy but it doesn't work for my surrogate. why my little peas didn't stick, what was the reason for that, I do not understand :(

The clinic were able to freeze our 6 little embies :)

hope it will work for us next time but I was told fresh embryos are better then frozen. Honestly, I don't know what to do, I'm not ready for the next try..

Gosh, I'm confused. It's to hard to accept, it's hard to believe

I'm alone because my husband had to go abroad( his boss is awful, he doesn’t understand other people, their problems)

How to stop blaming myself? It was just my fault, these embies were mine and only mine


Bless you...it is one of the hardest things we ever have to go through and it's only been 24hrs so don't be too hard on yourself.

I'm not blaming myself (although the thought crept into my mind at first) I know I did everything I could to make it work....the rest is just down to nature! When couples are trying the normal way it takes them 3/4/5/6mths to conceive...and why? Because their fertilised eggs don't take every time either. The difference is they don't know that their egg actually fertilised and failed to implant. All ivf does is give us the same chance as them!

That's super good news you have 6 saved for your next go! You should take heart from that! With regards to frozens being less successful....I don't believe that. They say that, because they put the best embryo at the time put back in you at first, but as you see here, ladies with lesser quality embryos are getting their bfp's all the time! I think that frozen embryos are tougher and more resilient to survive the freezing and thawing process so don't worry about that! 😊

It's harsh that your hubby's working abroad. I hope you have others around you that can support you through this difficult time?

Take your time to process your feelings but don't feel alone as you have all us ladies to help you through the tough days!



Can you imagine he came back home. I didn't expect to see him. I didn't believe my eyes. His boss let him go home.

I was wrong talking he doesn't have any sympathies.

Probably the same with me.

You are right so many couples get pregnant with lesser quality of embies. Am I worse? Did I deserve this? I suppose no.

I'm only imagine how is my surrogate. Probably she thinks about this unborn, what if she loves him or her? I know she was ready for it but it\s also a loss for her. And this is harmful for her health, how do you think? I know nothing about this process. It was my first stimulation, it was my first egg collection I was so happy they could get 17 eggs. Only 8 were fertilized but no one has stick to her :(

We had a long conversation with my hubby, he told that he will support me in any case, no matter wht will happen next time. I'm so blessed with him. He is the only joy in my life. Even y mother didn't support me as he, my love and my shelter, my best half, just my Stephev.

We decided to talk more about our life, because communication plays an important role in the family. I don't want him to feel I ignore him.


Sorry to hear of your news,

Sending big hugs,

I totally understand what your going through, don't blame your self hun, it sure is a cruel world at times,

Take care and big hugs 🤗 xx

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Oh Danysh it is so hard, after my first bfn I was broken, and I felt no one understood my pain, but on here we truly do. Let yourself grieve, it totally is awful, but it does get easier, I promise. Perhaps speak to a counsellor? I hope you're feeling a little better and have managed to eat something xxx


I can't eat a morsel; I can't cry anymore. It seems like I have cried an ocean. My husband is far away from me as well as my mother.

No one supports me, even a call from my mom didn't make me cheerful.

Yes, I have already got an email from my manager she told they will look for other surrogate. No we are standby but I don't want to speak about it.

I need to make up my mind, to let percolate all events, try to find strength for the next step


Hi Danysh13,

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I also got a bfn yesterday, so I know how you feel. Do not blame yourself. You have done nothing wrong. Perhaps try to go out for a little walk and look at the blue sky. Remember that as each day goes by the pain will be a little easier. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself gently and take care of yourself. x


Hey danysh13. Im so sorry that your feeling that way. We are here for you and you don't need to feel lonely. Be kind to yourself and know that it is okay to cry. Sending you lots of love.Im here if you ever want someone to chat . M Xxx


aww, thank you so much, it's so sweet from you.

It's a great pleasure to meet such nice people here. I couldn't expect to be treated in that way


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If course, everyone living is entitled to be treated with love and respect and know that people genuine care. Message me anytime you feel to. Always here.xxx


Thank you very much. I'm so grateful for your openness. It means a lot to me. I couldn't believe I found a lot of fellows here. each of you is great, you support me all days long.

I really appreciate this.

p.s. thanks clinic we managed to freeze 6 my little imbies, I'm so excited about next embryo transfer. I wish It would happen faster

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Danysh, I'm so sorry to hear this.

I know how it feels...all you need now is good old cry. express your grief and sorrow, don't be ashamed. it's natural. You need time to recover after this nigtmare. I know it for sure.

Nothing will distruct you these days. so try to find the best state for yourself, to be alone or to be with your dearest people. I'm praying for you & sending lots of love xx


thanks a million dear,

Now I'm better, my hubby came back home and cheered me up a bit. he bought a big strawberry cake for me. He knows I love it.

We spent this time talking about everything. He also worried about this situation. He didn't expect as well as me to get a negative result. We were so sure of pregnancy confirmation, we just missed a prospect of fail.


I'm glad you feel better. Well done! Your husband is a superhero, it means a lot for every woman is her man knows how to support her and when. Strawberry pie... Delicious!

I know this feeling when your expectations fail. I remember my hubby's face when I told him about my first bfp ever, I thought he would go crazy. But his face after my miscarriage, his tears... Can't forget.

Anyway, I know you are ready to achieve your goals. I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the best!! Xoxo


Thank you dear,

I'm so proud of my hubby, he is the best man in the world.

God gave me him and I would never make him sad.

Oh, sorry for reminding about misc. I even can imagine how you felt at that time. I didn't mean to offend you.


I'm very sorry it didn't work. Of course, you need some time to calm yourself and renew your feelings! But at the same time you should not give up! Continue what you've started. I'm sure you are very strong and persistent woman, because you must be a brave woman if you go for a surrogacy. And you won't let your emotions be victorious over you! We will be there for you! hugs


many thanks to you,

I appreciate your words. I know I have to be strong to pursue our ambition. We really want to be parents and we will do everything in order to reach our goal.

I don't know how long it will last but the one thing I know for sure my husband really loves me and he will support in any difficult situation.

Surrogacy is a great challenge for us, we didn't expect to be overwhelmed and devastated with it. I'm always wondering how other infertile couples are fighting with their misery and helpless. But now I understand them well it's a hard adventure in the life. Only God helps us

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