It's over πŸ˜₯BFN

Sadly our HPT was a BFN, we're both devastated. It's the end of my hopes now to have a child of my own due to my age. This was our second cycle of self funded IVF and before we started this round our consultant told us she wouldn't take our money to do a third round. We got fewer follicles and eggs this time too so I feel like my body is telling me it can't give us what we so desperately want. I've wanted children since I was little, I was always the most maternal of all my friends who now have kids, it feels so cruel and I can't help but feel I've failed to do the most natural normal thing in the world. Feeling so numb and empty.

Thank you all so much for your amazing support throughout this journey and I'm wishing you all lots of love and luck for your dreams to come true xxxx

90 Replies

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  • Aw sweetie I am so sorry to hear this my heart breaks for you, I know exactly how you feel as this is the position we where in after our 3 failed cycles. Have a good rest and you will get your fighting spirit back and maybe in time you can look at other options (you know my story) if you want to talk or ask any questions feel free to message me anytime xxxx

  • Thank you 😊 Best of luck with your DE cycle xxxx

  • Just thought I would see if your ok?? xxx

  • Ah thanks for thinking of me 😊 I'm feeling numb and a bit lost at the mo. It feels like I'm sleepwalking through life and everything's a bit pointless. We've got our follow-up appointment in 4 weeks so hopefully after that we can figure out what to do next. How's things with you? Xxx

  • AWW big hugs the aftermath of a bfn is horrid, emotions all over the place and coming off all the drugs. Try and take the time to heal and look after yourselves. Hopefully your follow up will help you decide what is next xx

    Well I started patches yesterday for our first DE cycles, all feels very weird with no injections xxx

  • Ooh what do the patches do? Xxx

  • They thicken your lining ready for transfer. Seems so weird just doing patches although I have had bad headaches so far hoping they settle down as it goes on. If it's a bfp I carry on with patches til 12 weeks as it keeps the lining thick xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear this, my heart breaks for you xx sending you a BIG HUG and lots of love, be kind you yourself and thinking of you at this heart breaking time xx

  • Many thanks xxx

  • I'm so sorry. We ceased after 3 rounds of self funded ICSI. We used DE for round 3 due to my age and still no luck. It's so hard and I know what you mean about feeling you have failed. I've joined More To Life on here and that''s something you might want to consider.

    Take lots of care.

  • I think we need to have a follow-up with the consultant to find out what our options are as we've no idea if the issue is with my eggs, implanting issues or other problem. I had the nk cells test in October which came back fine. I still feel in limbo until we decide what's next xx

  • I found it frustrating when the consultant's said they didn't know why cycles failed. Unfortunately they just don't know but like you say until you have that appointment you can't make any decisions.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  • 😊 xxx

  • Awwww I'm so sorry to read your post!!πŸ’” Sending you big hugs!xxxx

  • Thanks lovely xxx

  • Take it easy & look after yourselves at this cr*p time!! Your post really touched both my husband & I!😚xx

  • Oh my..honey, I'm so sorry. but maybe it's not the end? maybe you still have chances? it might be too personal and you could have your reasons for stopping your journey..however, if you tried twice without result, maybe you need some help? maybe donor eggs? Anyway, keep strong and don't give up! I'm thinking of you xxx

  • Many thanks for your message xx I think we need to find out what our options are as we don't really know what the issue is. But time isn't on our side which is adding to the pressure xxx

  • You definitely need to find out what's wrong. but whatever the reason is you can be sure there is still an option for you. I don't know your age, but I think you are pretty young woman. I became a mother at 49 from the 3d IVF round...i know what time means. There are also other options like surrogacy, adoption, fostering. I knw it's the last resort, but still you have a choice. i hope you'll be alright and you'll find the issue to solve. Take care of yourself! Hugs xxx

  • Thanks for your message, I'll be 44 in July. I haven't had any embies to freeze on either round and the two which have been transferred each time just haven't worked. I had much fewer follicles and eggs this last time, it's like my body is running out! Do you mind me asking whether you used your own eggs or DE for ur 3rd round? Xxx

  • Oh 44...great age, uh? It's not surprising actually, not having a lot of eggs I mean. my first try was at 46 with own eggs and I still regret I even tried. I was told my chances were poor, nevertheless I pressed on. Well, the 2d round failed, although I had DE..i changed a place of treatment and voila! I had 9 embies on day 5 and they were great, I guess it's a key to success.

  • Sounds like a v.good result πŸ‘πŸ»Would you mind PM me where you did your second DE treatment please as I'd like to look into this Xxx

  • I'm really really sorry to hear this, and currently feeling similar to you as AF showed this morning. As others have said maybe further down the line you may want to consider DE? I know it's something I'm now going to strongly consider but this situation in no way means you're a failure. Sending big hugs and I hope you look after yourself and find an alternative route to fulfill your dreams xxx

  • Thank you and I'm so sorry to hear this xxx We don't know what the issue is so it's hard to tell if DE could help but I'd like to find out what our options are now so we can decide what to do next. Living in limbo is just draining me at the moment xxx

  • My heart goes out for you and I don't have words of comfort. I can only symphatise how sad and lost you must feel right now. Give it some time and be very good to yourself - like previously mentioned there might be other options for you in the future but for now.. lots and lots of comforting hugs xoxo

  • Thanks so much lovely xxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear your very sad news. I'm gutted for you. I know nothing i can say will make you feel any better. This is such an unfair problem to have and I always ask why is it you can't just have the one thing in life you want. In time you will feel better but in the mean time cwtch your husband, love each other and talk to each other. Do what you need to do to vent your anger and look after yourself. I'm sending you massive hugs and support should you need it. I really really feel for you. This is a horrible thing and its one im dreading myself. If you need an ear to vent to I am more than happy to listen and help. Feel free to message me if you like. Take care. Lots of love xx

  • Thanks hon, all the best of luck for your BFP πŸ€ Xxx

  • I am so sorry CheshireKit, I am gutted for you. sending you lots of love xxxxx

  • Thanks lovely xxx

  • So so sorry to hear darling. I know this is devestating for words can make you feel better right now but I hope all the words of comfort on here help u feel a little less alone.sending big hugs xxxx

  • Many thanks 72cloud9 xx Hugs are much appreciated at the moment xxxx

  • I don't think she meant the third will be free, just that the doctor thinks it would be unfair to give them hope for a third round knowing it probably won't work.

  • I'm so sorry to read this. This journey is so cruel when others seem to get pregnant so easily. If you do decide this is really the end of of your journey, I hope in time you can find a way to move forward and have some beautiful things happen to you in the future. For now I know it will be so hard and I hope you and your partner are looking after each other and finding strength in each other to help you through. Xxxx

  • Thank you for your message lovely 😊 I'm so so sorry to hear your news too, it's just so cruel. Sending big hugs xxxx

  • So sorry to read this. X

  • I'm so sorry to read your news. I know nothing anyone can say can make you feel better I just hope you can feel the love everyone is sending you. It's crazy how this awful journey makes you feel connected to someone you have never met/ or even spoke to before, but it does. I'll be thinking of you and your partner 😞 Good luck for your future whatever path you decide on x

  • Many thanks for your kind words. The support of everyone on this forum has been amazing xxxx

  • So so sorry to read this Hun, gutted for you 😒 I know there's nothing anyone can say right now but we're all here for you. Huge hugs xx

  • Thanks hon, hugs are much appreciated at the moment xxxx

  • I am sorry to not have some magic words to make all the heartache go away. After all the expectation (which is totally natural), how can this not hurt to the core!?

    I wish you all the best for whatever you decide for the future. Xx Look after yourself.

  • Thank you CountryCat xx I've been in bits again today but hopefully wil feel stronger again soon xxx

  • Awwww I'm so so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you during this time. Stay strong ok, you done ever so well to remain positive and be proud that you wer strong enough to go through this journey. I hope some day someone will shine the light on you and give you much much joy CheshireKit

  • Thanks so much sanj76 Hope alls going well with you both

  • Oh honey. I have been thinking of you all day and hoping it was going to be a bfp so badly for you. I understand how you must feel.hug each other tightly and be as upset as you need to be. Sending so much love your way xxx

  • Thanks so much lovely and many thanks too for your kind message. It still hurts like hell but I'm hoping I'll get stronger again to figure out what we do now xxx

  • You will you are so strong to have got this far .remember that. You will make a plan in time that is right for you both.take some time just now to allow yourself to feel all the emotions you are feeling xxxx

  • 😊 xxxx

  • Oh CheshireKit, I really am so sorry to read this, it's heartbreaking. I understand what you are saying about being the most maternal person, that exactly how I am with my friends, family and colleagues. It is so unfair and incredibly painful. I hope that you will get your family sweetheart, there are other options though I know you can't think about this right now. Sending so much love to you both x x x

  • Thank you MommaBear16 xx I've been in bits again today so I'm going to work from home tomorrow. I still feel like we're in limbo not knowing what we can do, I think we need to see the consultant to try to find out what's causing the issue and if something like DE might help, although my OH wouldn't consider this before, or if pregnancy is just not going to work for me. I can't imagine not having my own family we've got so much love to give a child. Hoping alls going well with your cycle xxx

  • It makes me so sad reading this, I hope that your OH will come around to the idea of donor eggs. I'm sure that everyone who has had a successful cycle with them has not regretted their decision. Take some time out from all of this and spend some lovely time together before you choose your next step. Sending love x x x

  • Thank you 😊 I've requested a follow-up appointment to find out what's what but it can take quite a few weeks to come through. So in the meantime im going to plan some nice things for us to look forwards to. Hope you're doing well xxx

  • That's a really great idea, the only positive that will come out of this is that it will make you stronger. Keep us posted on how things go x x x

  • Hi CheshireKit,

    I understand your heartbreak. I'm so so sorry! I don't understand why this is happening and I hope you can find comfort in something else in future. Fertility is so time consuming and one dimensional and takes over your life. So maybe this will maybe allow a deep breath and look to a new future.

    It's heartbreaking!!

    How old are you CheshireKit, if you don't mind me asking?

  • It has taken over my life for the past 5 years, it feels like life's been on hold but I still can't move on now as I'm back in limbo not knowing what we can do next. I'll be 44 in July. Xx

  • I feel the same honey, like all we've been focusing on for the last 4 years is getting there.

    I hope you can find another solution to make you happy and if you haven't considered DE it might be an option...

    I read an article recently that it's usually the age of the eggs that is a problem, not the age of the uterus, which I thought was interesting!

    I'm so sorry, I feel your pain but don't know what else to say.

    Please msg if you ever feel like talking...

  • 😊 xxx

  • So sad to hear this no words can describe what your going through. Look after yourself xx

  • Thank you lovely xx

  • Oh I'm so sorry to read this update. Nothing anyone can say to make you feel any better at this time I'm sure, but just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you x

  • Many thanks it's much appreciated xx

  • So sorry to hear this. Would you consider donor eggs?xx

  • We might but it depends whether that would help or not as we don't really know what the problem is. I think we need to see the consultant to find out what our options are now, if any xx

  • I'm so sorry to see this update. Take time to comfort each other, there's nothing I can say that will make it any better but sending hugs, I hope you can find a way to get through this xx

  • Thanks so much xxx

  • I'm so sorry to read this CheshireKit. Thinking of you at this time. xx

  • Thank you Kat80 xxxx

  • Aww CheshireKit πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯ i'm so so sorry to read this, i really thought it had worked for you this time with the symptoms you had. I can only imagine how gutted you must feel, but give yourself time to recover and then maybe look at different ways like DE's. Thats going to be our plan B. I want to give you a huge hug! Xx

  • Many thanks hon, huge hug much appreciated 😊 Xx We need to see the consultant to find out what our options are now for pregnancy if any or if we need to draw a line under this now. I just can't imagine not having a family of my own xxx

  • Aww CheshireKit, many of us will be able to empathise with you on your thoughts etc. My hubby and I often discuss what we'd do if it doesn't work as I'm one of those that needs backup plans, either way we will have kids, wether their are DNA or not, we both know we could love and be amazing parents to any child so I always like to think at some day someone will be calling me mum! Hope your get your next consultation soon xx

  • 😊 xx

  • I'm so so sorry to hear your sad news sweetheart, take care of your heart and yourself xxx

  • Thank you lovely xxx

  • So sorry to hear this! I can't imagine what your both going through! I have no advice just love and positive thoughts coming your way xx

  • Thanks so much xxxx

  • So sorry to hear this - tough times indeed. I'm not sure how old you are but I do have a friend who has had 2 sets of twins now using donor eggs and for the first set she was 46 already and then 48 for the second set - so that option definitely helps extend possibilities. I understand DE is another tough thing to think about though when you've tried so hard for your own - wishing you all the comfort in the world and hoping you can find a way around this sadness xxx

  • Thank you. Your friend's story is lovely and does give me hope, I'll be 44 in July and I've no idea how I suddenly got so old! The last 5 years have been completely absorbed in fertility and trying to get pregnant, it's meant life has been on hold and we're still in limbo now. I'm going to try to book an appt with the consultant to find out more about DE and whether it could help us - we don't know what the problem is so hard to know if it would help xxxx

  • We've only been trying in comparison to you a short time but I still feel like it has dominated our lives for ever! I'm older than you - I'll be 44 in 4 weeks - where does the time pal is living her dream with her four little boys and having carried and breastfed all of them there is no doubt who their mummy is! Best of luck with your DE investigations xx

  • 😊 xx

  • Hi,

    I am so sad reading this for you. It feels like such an empty and lost feeling and we spend our time hoping and hoping. Is there any other options you can take?

    Thinking of you and always here if you need a chat.

    Kelly xx

  • Many thanks Kelly-03 I think we need to see the consultant to find out if we have any options now for pregnancy. I feel I really need for us to have a plan to help cope with this loss xxxx

  • Honey! We are with you! Do whatever your heart wants! But do not forget that hope will be alive till the very end!


    PS as it has been mentioned already, maybe it'd be great to look at some other options? Like in my case it was a revolutionary thought in my life when I decided to read smth about surrogacy...

  • Thank you so much for your uplifting message. Do you mind if I PM you please to find out some more about surrogacy? Xxx

  • No I do not actually! :)

    You can PM me whenever you want! But what do you want to know exactly? Maybe it'd be better to talk like that in the comment section?


    but do whatever you want haha


  • Hi hon. how do you feel? what are you going to do next? I hope you feel better now..

  • Hi hon, I'm feeling very low and a bit hopeless to be honest.

    We've got our follow up appointment with the consultant in 4 weeks so will hopefully find out more then.

    I told my mum last night as we hadn't said anything before and it helps that she now knows.

    Do you mind me asking where you did your DE treatment?


  • Oh love, I'm so very sorry to hear this. Focus on looking after yourself now - IVF is so invasive, emotionally and physically. Be as kind to yourself as you can. Xx

  • Thanks lovely 😊 We're hoping to get a holiday booked so we've got something to look forwards to xx

  • So sorry to hear this, I'm doing my second and final cycle in April but they've said the same to me that they wouldn't recommend a 3rd time if this doesn't work again. My eggs are not good enough but I just wanted to try once more even though they've pretty much said it's a no go. All my friends and family have children too it's not fair is it. So sorry xx

  • Thank you x I was the same I had to give it another go as the first round had gone so well Best of luck for April, fingers crossed this is your time 🀞🏼 Xx

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