IVF and emotions, help please!

[Pookymama]

Hello there and merry Christmas to you all,

We were really hoping for some support or advice.

After early miscarriage of our first pregnancy from our first IVF in October, we have both experienced a roller coaster of emotions, from strong hopeful days to intermittent feelings of overwheming anxiety and depression.

To help regain a measure of control, I began taking a range of supplements to include DHEA and ubiqinol, had a few drinks in November but have since eliminated acolhol, made changes to my diet and started accupuncture in preparation for ivf cycle 2 in January.

The trouble is the recurring feelings of anxiety and depression which my partner recently admitted he is feeling too, especially over Christmas.

We know that stress/emotional health play a great part in ivf success so we would really appreciate some form of emotional support or outlet that anyone could recommend.

Many thanks in advance and warmest wishes for success in the new year xx

[nicknick]

I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I can't be of any help, and yes ivf is emotionally, physically and financially draining. Stay positive and don't give up. I am sure yr time will come xx

[Pookymama in reply to nicknick]

Thank you for your kind words and understanding Nick Nick, it means a lot. I wish you all the best for your quests also xx

[christy2222]

I understand your feelings because i am ewperiencing a lot of things too. Most of my emotions have been negative so far after i jave been through not the most pleasant tx... had ivf and thats it.

Now as our pockets are empty we have decided to go for a ukrainian clinic. It may be shocking but thus far i havent seen any other cheap option except for my clinic. And even though i should be happy i can feel how my marriage is falling apart and if this attempt is failed too i feel like my dh will quit me...

I dont know where is the truth but my concerns keep getting bigger and bigger with every single day and even though my manager had promised me that the tx will be successfull i feel like it is not.. we havent even signed yet and im scared to ask for a more expensive contract because it is 10k euros for 5 attempts and i feel like my dh may consider its too much.....

[Aleelilook]

Hi Hun,

We had a failed cycle at the start of November, and since then I've been all over the place, my husband on the other hand is remarkably positive, which sometimes is a little annoying! I too have been having acupuncture in prep for a January start, and I also see a fertility counsellor. I would really recommend it, its helped me so much. Your clinic should be able to help you, and you'll be able to get at least one session free through your clinic.

I hope that helps, and good luck xx

[Pookymama in reply to Aleelilook]

Hi hun,

Thank you for your kind response.

I'm sorry to hear about your failed cycle and how hard that's been.

I understand how annoying it is when your dh doesn't respond in the same way as you. I felt the same when my dh was positive and certain our last ivf had worked when my body was telling me it was over so I feel your pain!

I did see the counsellor at our ivf clinic but tbh, I work in a counselling - like environment in domestic abuse support and am 3 years into training to be a counsellor (ironically), and what I was offered was not counselling as I know it. It was 15 minutes of the counsellor talking at me about my experiences then asking me if I had anything else I'd like to talk about! It felt so against the clock it was useless.

As I've found myself struggling to cope lately I went to the doctors and have been referred to the primary care mental health team. While there'll be a wait for this I'm hoping it's more helpful than what the ivf clinic offered!

I may in the meantime pay for a couple of private sessions.

When do you go for your treatment plan session hun? My is on the 5th. I hope and pray we are both successful in our next rounds.

Luck and love to you xx

[Aleelilook in reply to Pookymama]

Ah that sounds terrible, no wonder you didn't have anymore sessions. I had an hour a week at the clinic, and now I pay privately to have an hour week, sounds like you got a really bad one, thank god yiu know what you're doing though, some women would have thought that was normal!

I'm hoping to go for my baseline scan around the 7th, just waiting for AF to come, I'm hoping she's early!!

Where abouts are you having treatment?

Xx

[Pookymama in reply to Aleelilook]

An hour is what counselling should be, im glad at least some clinics get it right.

Oo, the 7th isn't long, we'll be starting the process at a similar time. We're in Cardiff, how about you? Xx

[Aleelilook in reply to Pookymama]

Yeah I just want to get back on the horse as it were!! We are in Harley Street, fingers and toes crossed we both have smooth and successfull rounds this time! Xx

[Pookymama in reply to Aleelilook]

Indeed! I hope we both have positive outcomes to share from this leg of the journey. Xx

[Pookymama]

Hi christy2222, im so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time.

I understand the feeling that going through ivf could potentially ruin your relationship because going through the same grief, sadness, uncertainty and desperation together for potentially years while joys in life feel like they're on hold is utterly heart wrenching.

However, I think and hope that if we are meant to remain with our partners then we as couples will get through this traumatic time side by side and be stronger for it at the other end. I truly hope this will be the case for you.

I understand your reasoning for going to a clinic in the Ukraine. It is so expensive to undergo treatment in the UK so it's definitely worth exploring other options. I wish you every success with your treatment. When do you start? I do hope that you and your dh come to a place where you fund yourselves able to read from the same page in terms of what your willing to spend on fertility support as it's so difficult when you're in different places.

Forgive my ignorance with fertility abbreviations but what is "tx"?

Luck and love xx