Thanks to all

[Positive2022]

Thanks to everyone who has reassured me and supported me over the past few months. You are all so amazingly strong and whilst at the 'beginning' of things, it feels like we have a very long road ahead of us and i can't even begin to describe how helpful it's been having such amazing support from those that truly understand. As one of the only ones amongst my family, circle of friends and work colleagues who is childless, some days can be incredibly difficult. Today was one of those days. I finished work at lunchtime after spending the whole morning chatting about father Christmas visits, children's presents, children's Xmas films etc and then spent the afternoon with a close friend and her 2 year old. It was lovely, but at the same time also heartbreaking and another reminder that I may never have a child of my own without fertility treatment, if we're lucky enough for treatment to be successful. I'm trying to feel optimistic and positive at the future but time of year makes it that much more difficult. I am so very happy for everyone and would never ever wish this on anyone but still keep asking myself the same question, why us? I guess this is normal to feel like this? So sorry for feeling this way just before Xmas, just needed to offload. I do hope you are all able to enjoy Xmas, I'm determined to let my hair down and have some fun. Sending love and big Xmas hugs to all ❤🎄 xxx

[Esme78]

I think it is very natural how you are feeling right now.

I too continue to ask 'why us', having got BFN twice - once after our fresh ICSI cycle in the summer and second time today, after FET.

We all do so much in attempt to have a baby - we change our lifestyles, manage stress, overcome various hurdles, eat well, research, ask questions, have complementary treatments, exercise, try to stay positive and motivated, take micronutrients, have scans, take hormonal injections and pessaries, juggle home life with work and, last but not least, invest so much emotionally and financially.

We are women, designed to have children, programmed to be maternal. When our bodies do not deliver what is the most natural of all processes, we feel the sense of failure, shame, disappointment, deep sadness and grief over a few cells that have been implanted into our wombs.

We must move on positively on our individual fertility journeys and remain centered and steady.

Have a lovely Christmas, all of you. xx

[E_05]

All sounds totally ‘normal’ to me, it’s hard not to angry and think why me even now I had days like that and I think you just have to allow yourself to go through the emotions. Christmas makes it even harder though as its constant reminders of everything were so desperate for.

Like you’ve said the forum gives amazing support and is a brilliant place to vent, just try to keep as positive as you can but don’t be hard on yourself during the down days.

Sounds like a good plan for letting lose over Christmas - you deserve it! Xx

[Kenny75]

I have no words other than I get it! I visited my gran today who excitedly talked about her great grandchildren and the exciting prospect of the next one arriving in may. She added, "shame you as my eldest grandchild haven't produced one". I could have wept there and then. It's so so tough at times. Sending hugs xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Kenny75]

Thank you for taking the time to respond and sorry to hear you've been going through the same emotions. I have everything crossed that 2018 will be our year. Have a lovely Xmas and take care xxx

[Elizabeth86]

These kind of days are very normal for me and we get very good at putting a brave face on it. Allow yourself to feel sad as storing up emotion won’t be good for you either and you will come through it again and have better days 😊. I find this place so reassuring. I had called the fertility counsellor before I found this forum and now I feel this is much more what I needed! I am also so greatful for this place and all the lovely people xxxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Elizabeth86]

Hi lovely, thank you for taking the time to respond. I think it's recently hit me the potentially long road ahead and whilst it's my decision to keep things private (for the time being anyway as not ready to tell people), like most people going through similar circumstances I'm sure, end up bottling up things all day whilst at work and then when I come home end up offloading onto those I love the most. This forum has helped me massively. I do hope you are doing ok and have everything crossed that 2018 will be a much better year. Have a lovely Xmas and take care xxx

[Positive2022]

Thanks to all for your amazing supportive responses. Wishing you all a very merry christmas and a happy healthy new year. I have fingers and toes crossed that 2018 will bring us our little miracles we so truly deserve. Love and BIG hugs to all ❤ xxx

[Dunla]

Hi Poppy, Christmas is tough! Pasting a smile on as you chat to family and friends about their children can be exhausting. I had a family get together yesterday and feel a bit empty today after it. Some how I always manage to feel like an inferior adult because I’m not a parent but I’m hoping 2018 will be my year! Hoping that the New Year also brings you happiness.

Definitely try to enjoy yourself as best you can over Christmas. Take good care of yourself xx

[tiger-cub]

Hi there all I can say we get you .

I have been getting support from here ever since 5 yrs now . I don't even know anymore whether my dream of having a child would b ever complete . But d only ray of hope I ever get is from here . Festivities are d worst . My aunt who's 85 always gets me pics of gods with children hoping that'll happen for me soon . Yesterday sh gave me another wooden carving of a mother and a child . First I said plz can u give it to Someone else . But then as per her by looking at it I might get more inspired . At that point I told her I'll only get upset looking at it and u left her place in dismay .

Anyways we've to hold up there are some amazing fairies here who'll always be at our side . Just give a shout . Xx

[Positive2022 in reply to tiger-cub]

Thanks lovely for your response and I'm so very sorry to hear you've had a difficult time with things. This forum has really helped me too, given me a place to chat about things with those who understand the emotional rollercoaster we go through. I have everything crossed that 2018 will be a better year for us all. Take care and have a lovely Xmas. My inbox is always open if you need a chat xxx