new ivf tx with sperm donor sooner or later

Hi, My name is Katherine, I am 39 yo and I have a son who was conceived with ivf de tx. For the last 5 months he was my sunshine and my happiness. His name is Edgar, I named him like this in memory of the place where he was born. It was in Eastern Europe and I guess they all have names like this one. I am really sentimental woman so I had to give my baby boy a name that will contain in itself a memory of something beautiful. I consider my ivf experience as successful. Unfortunately this word can’t be used to describe my family life. My ex left me right after I said I was pregnant, he helped me conceive, he went with me to another country, he basically paid for everything from his own pocket and yet he decided to leave me on the 12 week of my pregnancy. This was a shock to me because he knew how important that moment was for us and for me especially but here I am, alone with my son. My son is my everything and I dream to raise him someone who won’t do something as cruel as his father did.

Thank you for reading this, I hope that I am welcome here. Xo’s.

10 Replies

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  • How is your boy doing? I understand that it is like an introduction post but I hope that you forget about your ex and focus on your child. Because he is really the most important human being in your life right now! I really think that your ex acted as a fool and it wasn’t something that decent people do on the daily basis but like why he left you right when the treatment was announced as successful.

    PS. Is this like something that all clinics do? Like this 12 weeks thing?

  • My boy is doing great! Thank you for asking, it feels so much better when someone acknowledges his existence or something. The thing is, we didn’t want to stop after the first kid, the donor we have chosen was the prettiest girl out of all and we planned to use her after she recovers from that round of stimulation, yes, that was a long time ago and still I think she is the best for us.

    Unfortunately I was left all by myself and it has been a year already even more, but this was a time when I decided that I am still dreaming of a full family, of having more than 3 kids. And with time passing I think that I am strong enough to take care of more than 1 child. On top of that I am meeting with this guy who I think will be a great dad to Edgar. So maybe in the future we will create a happy family.

    About 12 weeks.. I don’t actually know that much about it, but it was stated in my contract that on 12 week if I don’t lose my pregnancy the treatment is considered successful. But I don’t think that it is something only one clinic does.

  • Really? You were even planning on having more kids? And he still left you when you were pregnant? Will you like file a lawsuit on him or something? You can demand money from him on your baby’s education and other needs.

    I see, but what kind of a contract that is? I mean, don’t the clinics provide like only a tx and after you got it done nothing like counts except for you gp or the fertility specialist you’re seeing obviously. And it seems like your clinic charge its drs to take care of you till you are sure that everything is going great. Btw what if you lost a child till 12 w, what would happen then?

    Wow. You have found a man! That’s great, has he seen your son, have they met already?

  • I don’t know maybe that’s my clinic that works like that, unfortunately I hadn’t have a chance to experience any other treatment in any other fertility center so I guess I don’t have a lot of experience. We have found this clinic very quickly though because we need to look for a cheaper option, unfortunately for us it was too expensive the tx here in USA. It costs like 14 k and me and my ex thought that it was a bit unbearable.. But fortunately we had a talk with my friends so they advised us to the clinic abroad.

    Yes, they have met, he knows that I have the son and everything and I think that he told me truth when he said that he would like to adopt Edgar in the future. But of course I will charge my ex of paying for Edgar’s everything!

  • I am sorry to ask you that but why did you opt right away for egg donor ivf treatment if you say that it was like your first time experiencing the fertility treatment? I mean some of us begin with iui or even ivf on oe..

  • The thing is that I was born without any ovaries and all of my life I have been on the hormonal therapy. So I don’t have any choice rather than to opt for egg donor ivf treatment.

  • I see.. sorry that I asked that.. I shouldn’t have done that because it is very personal

    You have said that you wanted to choose the same donor as you have been using for you Edgar baby boy? So that means that you travelled to the clinic that is way cheaper than those in US and you had the chance to choose the donor? What? I thought that all donors should be anonyms and you won’t have the right to choose one..

  • Oh so sad, hope you don’t blame yourself because as for me there is nothing to even think about that was his mind games and he wanted to leave you for a reason that has nothing to do with you. So I hope that the child is under your custody. And I suppose that it wasn’t a problem to like perform the docs so you are the sole parent of your son? Will you still be allowing your ex seeing you baby boy?

  • Yes, I am the one who is a parent of Edgar according to law. Nothing to worry about. I think that it’d be fine, though I am seeing another man whom I wish to become a father to Edgar and my other kids that I am planning to have in the future, so I don’t know how it will work though. But I am not against it, because it is very important to have two parents.

  • So sorry this man let u down.Men are so strange in this way.my friends partner pushed & pushed for a baby and now since the baby is born (nearly 1 now) he stays out all night several times a week, doesn't tell her where he is, doesn't let her know! She can't understand y he wouldn't want to rush home! 2 other friends partners who also nagged for babies both cheated on the girls the whole time they were pregnant! One of them still stayed with the man!!

    It is very sad he has left u alone with ur son but maybe better now than if he were to do it when your son was older and would be used to him being around! It sounds like u r very strong & will cope just fine! I know u want more children but for now be happy that you have the beautiful gift of your son.xxx

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