This round of IVF I have taken holiday for all my appointments (half days) and for egg collection yesterday (and recovery today). I told my manager (and my manager's manager who acts like my manager) about a month ago about all the time I'd be needing off this month. My manager has been totally understanding about it (since "coming out" to him, he has let me know that he and his wife did IVF and are expecting their baby next month). My manager's manager, however, has just sent me a pissy email about how he wasn't expecting me to be off so much this month and when can he expect me in. Well.... I was in two days ago and I'll be in tomorrow! I don't think I've been off that much!!! And I've been using my holiday for it! And our holiday year end is March, so I thought it would make sense to use up my holiday allowance anyway!
If he's trying to stress me out, then it won't work! All he's doing is making me feel less guilty if I need to get signed off for weeks to avoid unnecessary stress from him! 😁
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OMG what an a**! Don’t reply to his email, YOU ARE OFF prioritising YOUR LIFE- because there’s other stuff than just working! These workaholic people don’t see or understand that- their problem!
But I loooooove your attitude 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
Take that, you annoying twat! (Omg can I say twat on here?lol)
He's definitely an annoying twat! That is the only word for it! That..... or wanker. He's had loads of time working from home or in and out of the office to look after a sick parent, so thought he would be more understanding (understanding that, you know, we all have lives). One rule for him and one rule for the rest of us!!!! PLUS he's not even my manager! Lol.
Thank you for your concern, you have approval from x manager to use your holidays for treatment appointments which you booked in advance and if he/she would like to discuss it further you return tomorrow, let me know.
Then go in and bore the life out of him/her with all the painfully biological lingo ( transvaginal ultrasound, local anaesthetic for surgical retrieval through vagina wall etc etc) then discuss how you can be signed off by your gp if that would be preferable and save holidays for more recreational activities than ivf torture 🤣🤣🤣
Or alternatively ask your nice manager if they had forgotten to clear/ run your holidays past xx manager as you’ve received an email that is causing you to feel stressed. Etc etc
Or ask this crazy manager to speak to your manager for further clarification .
You’ve taken holidays, end of.
I think it’s your managers problem not yours. Let them worry about it, plus if it’s YOUR legally entitled holidays??????
Lol, thanks RhinoCat. I thought I would be avoiding drama by taking holiday, but I guess with some people, you just can't avoid drama. This is the same boss that suggested my MMC may have been because of the stress of work (and should I quit my job because obviously I can't handle it?!!) and also said that they shouldn't have to "support me" (however they're doing that I don't know) through more than 1 round of IVF! He's just an awful person.
Have sent a breezy email back basically saying that I've taken holiday and it's all pre-approved and signed off in the system. My legally entitled holidays, yes! Happy to discuss it tomorrow or (if he's desperate) he can call me today (I'm just that lovely! 😁😁😁). Bet he doesn't call me today!
Armed to bring up the biological/medical/technical lingo if needed. Good call! Think I WILL use my holidays for something more fun in the future if I'm still going to get grief about taking time off either way. Might as well have used my sick leave! (which I still get paid for).
Thanks. I'm having a good day anyway! He is a dick. He has absolutely no recourse on me - I have taken pre-approved holiday signed off by my own manager, lol! What can he do with that?!
😡 You’re entitled to do what the hell you like with your well earned holiday. In fact, you’ve been generous to the company using yours for these appointments I’d say as they are medical after all.
I sometimes say I’m at meetings 😳 If anyone asked to see the minutes their minds would be blown with my notes on my lining, follicles and blastocysts 🙊🤣
But anyway. Take no notice whatsoever, he sounds like a jobsworth - or a control freak 🧐 and he is not worth a moment of your energy 😘xxx
I also think I'm being generous! Was going to take it as sick leave but wanted to avoid these sorts of conversations! He knows I'm going through IVF and knew I would need quite a bit time off sooooo not sure what his problem is. Don't care what his problem is! Lol.
Yes I completely agree which is why I say I’m in meetings 🙊 as it was starting to look concerning saying I was at the drs etc - what with also sometimes needing to see the dr about something unrelated to IVF! Ends up being so stressful!
Omg that is awful. You really didnt have to use holiday either you could have had it off as sick but you arent taking the piss. I hope you sent a snotty email back. Any news on your eggies 🥚? Xxx
Don’t feel guilty, it’s your holiday leave. Also after your coming transfer you’re considered legally pregnant throughout the 2ww so any time off can’t be used against you for disciplinary purposes. Good luck...x
What a twat! Love your attitude- and if you do get signed off with stress you have proof why. He’s actually done you a favour being so unreasonable in an email! 🙏🙏🙏 xxx
Ooh he sounds very naughty. Could be worth sending the email to your HR team if you have one and explain how it’s adding stress... particularly if you can recount (or even better, evidence) his previous comments!
You’re totally right, and have done the right thing. Could be worth a chat about what his issue is... He may be annoyed by previous experience of your manager’s ivf, maybe something happened there?
If you can’t get to the bottom of it or it’s causing issues, then raise a grievance and /or go off with stress. Sounds like he needs a little education!
HR are useless! (I find) But I know at least if HE goes to HR.... I'm not doing anything wrong! Hopefully I won't need to go off with stress, but I will probably take a week to "recover" after transfer (will self-certify) just to avoid the stress of dealing with him! Have a meeting with him tomorrow so will see what the problem is then. If he wants to talk about it, that is. You're right: if it escalates I may have to go back through emails and conversations etc. where he's being difficult. Hopefully it doesn't come to that! xxxxxx
Hopefully! There was a good article I found on the World Health Organisation website I think about infertility being a recognised illness, could be worth sending him a copy x
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