Just wanting to vent a bit really to people who understand.
I'm completely fed up with life atm. I'm trying to get over a miscarriage ( a month and half a go now - mothers day 😠) and I think I've just broken down today. It's been sunny outside and I'm off work and thought I'd tidy up my garden. I've just heard kids playing our in their gardens and my other neighbour has a toddler age kid and I heard him laughing with his mother in the back garden. My eyes began to well up as I was in the front so I made my way to my back door and just fell to the floor in tears. I've been like it ever since. My body actually hurts from the heartache.
I've spoken to a councellor who said I've suppressed my feelings and been in shock/denial and I minimize the pain so haven't really started to grieve yet. I think today has triggered it off. I'm just so angry and upset.
My cousin has an announced a pregnancy too which will be due the same time as my baby would have been. It makes me sick to the bone seeing people congratulate them. I can't even pretend to be happy for them because I'm not. I don't even care. They've been living together for about 6 months do to be they shouldn't be having a baby or deserve it cos they haven't put anywhere near as much effort in as I have.
Then me and my friends went for some drinks over the weekend and I didn't want the subject of our baby bought up into conversation but it did come up. I had my "friend" ( sitting there with 3 kids, 2 different dad's ) telling me it's not my time and I need to relax over summer with drinks and it's good I'm over it. I politely smiled but in my head I was furious. Stupid woman! Good that I'm "over it". People are so ignorant!
It just hurts so much. I've had about 4 panic attacks last week at work and ad a type 1 diabetic I've lost sight of my sugars which frustrates me as I don't have control of my body any more. My body is still recovering physically from the ivf drugs, miscarriage and OHSS. I just want someone to understand the depth of pain that I feel and to know where I'm coming from and know that I'm not crazy.