Hating life...

[Lucylove]

Back to the grindstone and feeling so low and helpless. Second miscarriage was back in December, set us up for a fairly miserable Christmas and still no joy since. Had first appointments at the clinic with back and forth 'inconclusive' ultrasounds with maybe polyps, maybe not, not too sure. Our follow up appointment with the consultant was AWFUL, made us feel like we were a complete waste of time and wanted us to wait a year before even joining the waiting list for a laparoscopy which then has another years waiting list. Managed to be relatively stoic the last few months but this one has been a hard one. My best friend fell pregnant two weeks after we did- then we got the bad news for the second time and she's just had her baby shower which was so lovely- but made me die inside a little. It's so hard when no one gets it, all I get is 'but it will happen, all you need to do is relax', like its my fault that this has all happened. Just feel like the longer this goes on, the less I believe it will ever happen. I feel like I've got no one to talk to about it, after two years I'm sure I've bored them all shitless with the same conversation over and over again. It's just too hard. Can barely write this through the tears. It's so unfair, and so unbelievably hard to go through. Feel like I'm hosting a massive pity party right now, but any words of support would be massively welcomed, I am not dealing with this well apparently.

[Daisy14]

You are dealing with this just fine, please be kind to yourself! You've had the most awful year yet you are at work, supporting a friend, going to a baby shower?! You are clearly coping just fine and you're allowed to be sad and feel like this. Be kind to yourself.

The last thing you need is pressure on yourself, I don't know your whole situation and I've had a crappy year myself so understand some of the complete isolation and emptiness that miscarriage brings.

It isn't fair and you're allowed to indulge your unhappiness and know that it will get easier. Hold on tight, curl up and hide a little, treat yourself and start again tomorrow. You are not alone here xxx

[Hidden]

Hello

I think we all have times we have felt like this. It does feel so unfair, if I could tell you what I see as a social worker ... but I just paint on the professional face and keep going.

The one sure thing in life is people all around you - family friends work colleagues and strangers are going to fall pregnant - the only thing you can do is protect yourself from that - which might mean not being part of kids birthday parties or celebrating others pregnancies.

People may have their own views on this but in reality this is grief and why should you be tormented at this time? I keep on saying the same thing - no one, except us lot, understand. Don't expect them to. I have spent 9 years childless and after 2 failed IVF cycles and a lot of tears I will say you get better at dealing with it - it will always hurt but you will find strategies. I really love the counsellor at the hospital - maybe you could access something similar. It's constructive talking - really good for refocusing & letting out your frustrations!!

Keep talking xx

[Aimaim77]

Oh lucylove, my heart really does go out to you and I wish I could say something that will make you feel slightly better.

I totally agree this IVF journey is the hardest thing any couple will go through, there's so much waiting, highs, lows, tears, excitement, so many emotions.

And the dr's I don't feel exactly make us feel great either . We are just basically another number to them that's how it feels .

Are you doing this on nhs or private?

Where abouts do you live because I know a private consultant who won't rip you off but will be able to give you some advice and tests laparoscopy ( he's based in Richmond ) at least maybe you can try to get things moving rather than waiting a year for a flipping test that's ridiculous, definitely look at going to your gp too and ask them to get things moving.

I do think on the nhs you basically have to fight for everything, it can't hurt weighting them a letter, this is what we had to do , age isn't particularly on my side I'm 39 nxt month and the nhs seem to love delays!!!

You will have good days and bad and it's no surprise with what you've been / going through , remember that you are obviously a strong woman to even get this far and deal with the shit on the way, know one will understand this IVF journey unless your going through it, even my mum bless her who I love dearly sometimes says things that I think I don't really want to hear that, but it's cos they don't really get it.

I also think it's really important to be good to yourself , do something nice every day and also have a day in bed where you cry ect but you can do this your tougher than you think.

And your not alone Hun, we are all on here for the very same reason and your very welcome to vent on here anytime .

I sometimes wish that we all new each other properly on here and could meet up for coffee ect as we are all in the same boat 1 way or another.

Hope I've helped a tiny bit, always here if you want to chat on here.

Take care

Mia xxxxx

[pm27]

As the others have said you'be been through lots of really horrible stuff and it's ok to feel sad and grieve. You were very brave to go to the baby shower. The mixture of feelings that pregnancy announcements etc bring up is another challenge on top of everything else.

Perhaps some counselling might help? If you're accessing it through your GP there will probably be a wait. If you belong to a union they may offer some counselling and sometimes if you work for a large organisation they may have a counselling service. I have a history of depression and anxiety and after our first cycle resulted in a BFN and friend announced her pregnancy I knew I needed to go back on medication. Going through treatment and grief it may be another option to discuss with your GP. I stayed on medication for rounds 2 & 3, both resulted in BFNS. I'm now off the medication and am trying to cope with the reality that we'll be childless. I'm considering further counselling to help me work through these feelings.

I've had 2 mcs from natural conceptions and it took me 9 months to feel myself again after the 2nd one and that was before we went through the shock of being told we needed ICSI. We too wasted time waiting in the NHS and after 1 year finally got to see a consultant and he suggested we went private. Whilst he ordered further tests but the NHS had such limited avaiability and it would have taken months to get them done so we paid out to get them done privately. We knew that due to my age we weren't eligible for IVF/ICSI on the NHS and it turned out that was the option we needed. If you are able to afford private treatment it would get things moving much quicker but it is really expensive.

I wish you all the best. You're not alone.

[Lucylove]

Thank u all for reading my whining. Feeling a LOT better today having woken up to your beautiful messages, plus the sun is shining which helps. Going to wait until our next consultant appointment and I think you're right, If we've not got any further with anything then perhaps we'll have to look at going private. I just can't believe how long it all takes, on top of what is already a long process.

Would be so good to be able to meet for coffee- but being based in Leeds makes for a rather long morning drive! I don't expect people to understand unless they've been through it, I certainly didn't before all of this. But- as my husband says- shoulders back, boobies forward and breathe! Thank you so much for listening. Xx

[pm27 in reply to Lucylove]

Glad you're feeling a bit better today. A good rant sometimes helps!

[Hidden]

You are not alone.life is a test and you have to face it.its also true this life is tepmorary,some thing good will wait for us in haven.I am a Muslim girl.and I believe in that.I will prey for you that Allah give you the patience and your life become beautiful and happy.

[MrsKS]

Hello. I just read this I realise it's been a few days since you wrote it. How are things? I've not been on here since we lost our little one in April it was awful because we went for our 7 weeks scan and there was nothing there and I couldn't believe it. Still can't get over it and I have no one to talk to. My hubby's great but I felt likeI needed to talk to the ladies here so few days ago I ventured back although not posted yet.

Do you know what's ur next step? We were told to go back in few months to see our consultant and now we're trying to prepare ourselves emotionally because we're still trying to accept what happened. Also going to try acupuncture because I've heard a lot of good things about it.

Sorry if I bored you just when I read ur post I could relate and it's good to be back where people understand

[Daisy32]

I am really sorry you are feeling like this and I understand, this can be a heart breaking and lonely journey and people who aren't going through it struggle to understand.

I'm having a pity party of my own at the moment so I completely sympathise with you, just remember you are not alone, and rant on here whenever you need to xx