Devastated 😢

Well I posted on here 6 is days ago I had a very light pregnancy test and was hoping and praying it would be OK.

I did another clear blue test yesterday and it still said 1-2 weeks pregnant where I'm 20pt so I know it should say more than that, even though they told me not to test any more I used the spare test this morning I think it's lighter than the first if possible.

I rang clinic yesterday and they said they would do blood test today and 1 Thurs to check viablitty of pregnancy ...... truth known in my heart I already know that it's over.

This is just like mental torture now still doing pessarys still not bleeding 😢.

What makes this worse is my clinic is stopping doing IVF from march (nhs) because of bloody government cuts and I know I will have to go to another hospital which I don't want to cause staff are lovely where I am.

I just don't know how to pick up the pieces again to get the guts to start over. We have no frozen eggs so it's a full round again.

Thank you to all you lovely ladies for your support.

Good luck to all you who are starting on your journeys.

I hope all that have got positives have happy healthy pregnancy xx

[JoJo_1984]

Aww crazy cat I can't imagine how you must feel it really does sound like torture. Big hugs and plenty of positive vibes your way, hope the blood test doesnt confirm your fears xx💖

[Hidden in reply to JoJo_1984]

Thank you xx

[Hollibob]

It's so difficult

I knew with our faint OTD test that something wasn't right, but to be told the chances of it miscarrying was still heartbreaking.

The second hcg blood test increased in numbers and they were then worried about an ectopic, so the third hcg was with a scan, even though it was probably far too early to be able to see anything anyway.

By the third hcg, the levels had dropped dramatically.

Depending on what your results are today, they might tell you to stop the medication. You'll brain will then start going through the what if process....

Like you, I carried on doing pregnancy tests to see if there was any change, but I couldn't face the digitals by then.

Try to deal with one thing at the time...if you do want to ask them about your next cycle when you attend this week, I guess you could ask if they have any recommendations or if someone has already started with them, whether they will continue or if you have to go elsewhere.

Take care of yourself x

[Hidden in reply to Hollibob]

Thank you I'd read your posts and I'd wondered if I was going through same thing. Clinic still wanted me to wait till next Wednesday to go for scan but because I was so upset they relented and said come for blood test. In a way I'd rather have it over with so I hope they tell me to stop Meds at least it stops all hope.

There is 3 other clinics to choose from the one that's closest to us I don't fancy cause it's a bit of a super hospital and feels like a cattle market ( I know it's different when dealing with ivf) .

I will just have to ask all the right questions I suppose.

[Hopeful1982 in reply to Hidden]

Not sure if you've already down so, but if you look on the HEFA website they have success rate stats for all the hospitals. Although not the only factor to consider, it's worth having a look as it might help you make your decision x

[Hidden in reply to Hopeful1982]

No Ive looked on the hospital website one of which boasts 50% success rate in 2013 of women aged between 36 and 39 😕I will definatly look up the HEFA website and have a look thanks x

[Hopeful1982 in reply to Hidden]

Those are good success rates! The HEFA stats should just be the same x

[Hidden in reply to Hopeful1982]

From what I can see on HEFA website there is nothing like that in there results but showing 2014 results of within national average so think I will have to do more investigation.

X

[Hollibob in reply to Hidden]

Did they tell you if the results have increased or anything?

[Hidden in reply to Hollibob]

Have to go tomorrow for a blood test to see if levels have increased or not 😕.... depending on results they said will speak to consultant see if I still need a scan next Wednesday but she said they tend to still scan people before they tell you to stop taking medication x

[Hollibob in reply to Hidden]

Let me know how tomorrow goes..I know you probably just want to know what's going on, but I would still insist on having a scan, just so that you can see things for yourself. Have you done any more tests?

[Hidden in reply to Hollibob]

I will do thanks.

Just a blood test on Tuesday but they had nothing to compare pregnancy hormones too with them results. I didn't ask if the hormones were low I probably should of.

I just want it over really but to be honest from what the nurce said there will be a scan next week x

[Hidden in reply to Hollibob]

Just spoke to clinic they said that the hormones have increased slightly but not doubled .... they want me to stay on Meds and go for scan on Wednesday still 😢 that's in the ultrasound clinic with all the lovely happy pregnant lady's ....... siiiggghh do the not torture us enough really !

Her parting words were stay positive but don't get your hopes up ! This is absolutely killing me 😢

[Hollibob in reply to Hidden]

I know lovely...it's so cruel to have to go through this. They obviously need to make sure they are doing the right thing for you medically.

Emotionally it just drags on, but deep down in my heart, I knew something didn't feel right, but there is always that tiny bit of hope for the miracle...x

[Hidden in reply to Hollibob]

Thank you but I have that exact same feeling x

[Hollibob in reply to Hidden]

I know..sending you hugs x

[Hidden]

Hey my sweet

It's not over until it is over, try to rest loads, keep hydrated and stay positive. I know exactly how you feel although I have only had natural m/c and no luck of a BFP using IVF but either way the pain never changes it only gets worse.

Hang in there, let hubby hold you and just keep positive you really do never know.

Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words, I just want to know now though so at least I can try and move on.... Maybe there is a little hope still left xx

[Hidden]

Thinking of you x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you x

[Hidden]

Oooh honey, I'm so sorry, you must be gutted. This whole process is so so hard. You will get through this, it's not easy but you will. Sending you a massive hug x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you x

[Cinderella5]

Sorry to hear this! Thinking of you!

[Hidden in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you x

[Hopeful1982]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Until you know one way or the other you can't really grieve the loss or think about moving on. Try to take things one day at a time. You don't need to think about trying again just yet. Take time to recover first. But, you're a strong woman (even if you don't feel like it right now) and when you're ready you will find the guts to try again.

Take care of yourself x

[Hidden in reply to Hopeful1982]

Thank you I've took the week off work now just to try and sort my head and feel a little better for this.

Blood test came back today with pregnancy hormone still in blood so another blood test Thursday and go from there.

Thank you very much it's so good to be able to talk to people on here no one in the real world truly understands no matter how hard they want to xx

[Hopeful1982 in reply to Hidden]

Time off work sounds like the right thing. There is no way you could concentrate x

[Lynnr54]

Sorry to hear this. If the clinic do confirm the worst then as the other ladies have said then take some time out for yourself to get your head around it all and grieve. You'll get through it and find the strength to try again x

[Hidden in reply to Lynnr54]

Thank you x

[Parentsofangels]

I'm so very sorry. Truly. I'm in the same boat as you, but I knew it was over for us in my heart before the second blood test as I'd already bled significantly, but I like you just couldn't believe how cruel it seems to be hanging in the air without confirmation. When you speak with the clinic regarding another round (again from either round for us, we never had any to freeze so I'm with with you there too), maybe ask who they recommend, if staff are going to neighbouring clinics? They may not be allowed to say, but it's worth asking! Especially if you really want to stay with the same specialist. However, a different clinic may be and is I've seen for a lot of ladies on here, a fresh start, a fresh set of eyes on your situation. It sucks that we even haven't think about it though. I'm so sorry. Hugs Xxxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Parentsofangels]

Thank you, no one warns you of this side to ivf do they, you just assume you get a postive or a negative not a erm we not quite sure let's torture you a bit more first.

I did speak to the nurse yesterday and she did recommend a clinic but did say we aren't actually allowed to recommend anywhere, which to be fair I thought it was very nice of her.. it's still very daunting. Your right though it's a total new look and different opinions so maybe I should just go with my gut .

Thank you I hope you are hanging in there and coping with your experience.

Xx

[Parentsofangels in reply to Hidden]

I'd definitely say go with your gut. I've done the "sensible" options this year and I'm devastated. Maybe I need to go more with my gut from now on.

I was a little annoyed with my clinic to be honest because I'd asked them what happens next and I was almost fobbed off, told it would most likely drop but if not the doc would talk us through what would happen, and didn't seem to want to go into more detail so I was totally unprepared for what came next.

Let us know what happens today xxx

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry crazy cat what a nightmare keeping you hanging like that. Nothing prepares you for IVF and the emotional roller coaster that comes with it! Take as much time off work as you need to process what is going on & get your head around it. Take care xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, your certainly right nothing prepares you for this roller coaster. Life can be so unfair, I'm a bit more determind today to pick up the pieces. I think I feel better for taking time off work.

I hope you are doing OK as well.

Xx