1st attempt at DI/IUI is a negative, sadly

It was my test day today and sadly, it was a negative. I feel so sad, disappointed and that my body has let me down.

However, I thought what I could do to improve my chances next time - I have another 2 tries left, I've heard Acupuncture is good but costly. I'm wondering why they didn't suggest IVF at the beginning to see what the quality of my eggs were like, for all I know they could be too old. Maybe they try DI/IUI first when using a donor.

I then rang the hospital with my result and spoke to the nurse about ordering some more medication, the nurse seemed to think that I should of had my period my now and if it's not come within the next 5 days to do another test! Going by the way I feel, I think it must be near as I'm feeling rather ratty.

Like a lot of people, I do wonder - what if I can never have a child of my own, what then - what do I have, nothing. I'm having to stay with family in order to pay for my treatment, I can't get a job due to all the appointments I have at the hospital and I'm lonely too. I want to see a future but I can't.

Will keep going I guess and see what happens but right now I'm on a downer xx

19 Replies

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  • Hi. I'm so sorry to hear your sad news x I think you should definitely speak to your consultant about ivf options x x sending you a big hug x x Look after yourself xxx

  • Thanks Jo - IVF was going to be considered after the 3 attempts at DI/IUI, at this rate it will be into the New Year!

    Role on - the next period! xx

  • Hi I'm sorry to hear of ur sad news, hopefully next time will be a positive result. I agree with JoJo and speak to ur consultant about ivf and ur eggs.

    I can imagine u do feel pretty crap at the moment so be kind to urself. I know sometimes it's hard to stay positive but u still have 2 more chances so don't give up. I know through this process it can feel so lonely cause u feel like u can't talk to people or family cause they won't understand how u feel just remember ur not alone. Hope u feel better and tomorrow is a new day xx

  • Thank you - I guess sometimes you run out of ways to feel positive.

    I don't know many people who are doing it on their own, which I guess could be harder when your down.

    Just waiting for my next period and then to see if my ovaries have calmed down before the next go xx

  • Keep strong and don't give up. I've only just concieved now after 15 years of trying. I didn't think I'd ever be pregnant. Although it's early days and I'm cautious ... little miracles can happen just when the timing is right x

  • Congratulation to you - I've not got 15 years left!! Only till the end of March and then it's the end of the road for treatment.

    This makes it all so much harder.

    We will see I guess x

  • Why March hun? X

  • Because I will be too old then :o( and that's the age they only treat women up till.

    Going to look into acupuncture and see if that will help me! x

  • Oh! I see! Sorry to have asked. Fingers crossed for you x

  • No worries about asking but people don't always know what to say when I say - I'm going to be too old! I'm still human but in my early 40's! x

  • They do IUI before IVF if they don't see anything wrong with your body or tests. It's less invasive. And most recommend 3 rounds of IUI before moving up to IVF. Call around or check groupon for acupuncture! Say your lower back/abdominal is bothering you around your ovaries! they put the needles in roughly the same place at a fraction of the cost! (That's what I did ivf round 6 and hello baby)

  • Thank you - I thought perhaps they tried with IUI first and then IVF. It's just a waiting game though and I don't know if I will have enough time to do a round of IVF after. This is what makes me panic.

    I guess a lot of people don't always get lucky first round, it's just got to me this first time but when I start the next, I may start to feel better.

    A few people have tried acupuncture and have been lucky, will definitely look into it x

  • hello Distinction72. Sorry to hear about your disappointment.

    we are not dissimilar in our circumstances- I am 42 years old, single (come out of long term relationship) and have just embarked upon assisted fertility.

    My Consultant initially suggested IUI with donor sperm as the chances of success were only a little lower than IVF in my age group (when initial tests are normal) but less demanding and less expensive. I actually opted for IVF initially to embryo freeze (as I didn't feel ready having just come out of my relationship at the time). So maybe the same reasons for IUI as first line treatment apply to you also- I agree that you should definitely discuss with your consultant.

    You mention that 43 years old is the age cut off for treatment, which I presume is the case at your clinic. However I am aware of UK clinics that have cut off age of 45 and even 50 years old if you are willing and able to travel to them...??

    stay strong, you are not alone even though it can feel that way. big hug.

  • I've just read your message after sending mine to you!! So I have probably repeated a lot of what you have said.

    My relationship ended in December last year and yet I had started to look into DI in the November but at the time felt a little uncertain about it, I tried to speak to my partner about it but he was going through a hard time with social services with his own children and in the end I was the one who was pushed to the side.

    Which clinics do you know of that treat women till the age of 45 and 50? I thought it was the same age at most of the clinics. I am starting to panic a little though as time is getting a bit tight, as it is, it takes me 2.5 hours to get to my clinic!

    Because I've not had IVF, I don't know what the quality of my eggs are like, so to me that is a bit of a worry. Other than that with the injections and scans and insemination I was ok with.

    Let me know how you get on x

  • I am 42. I will be 43 in November, which is when I will be undergoing my fourth round of treatment. Sugar is right. And with donor eggs, it doesn't matter how old you are. I am using my own eggs, have eight embryos in storage, but not confident! Be pragmatic and have a back-up plan... because when it goes wrong, you feel like there's nothing left... when (often) there is!

  • Thank you for your message.

    That's the thing with fertility treatment, all we can focus on is a baby - it's hard to think what is left if it doesn't happen. I can't think of anything good really, not having a family will leave me lonely and on my own but I am going to try what I can and see what happens! x

  • Hello. I know it sounds easy for me to say, but I am speaking from experience. You have got to pick yourself up and de-stress or your chances of success will diminish. I am still lonely, yet I am married. Nobody understands... This is what helped me. Make a plan... 'if this doesn't work, I will opt for x/y/z'. For example, my plan at the moment is 3 x rounds in quick succession, freezing embryos along the way (getting the eggs out quicker, due to my age, the younger, the better). This is because following my first unsuccessful round, I was suicidal. I didn't tell anyone, I just suffered in silence. My sister became pregnant. I didn't know what to do. I needed hope. I am also off work, my husband is working seven days a week and he is exhausted. We have huge debts... and these are mounting. None of this worries me, as my new plan makes me happy... for now. Of course, all of this is short term. I will have to face failure again, I know. So, before long I will need another plan. So, during this 'happy phase' other things that have helped to keep me staying cool and calm, are... (1) long and relaxing baths... can't afford a real pamper... (2) earlier nights, perhaps a quiet read before lights out... (3) drinking lots of water all day... (4) getting outside and gardening (in my case)... (5) seeing people you know you can trust... I have found that talking to strangers has helped me... (6) do something nice for someone less fortunate... plenty more. Seriously, it works. But I do know how you feel. Really, I do. Please keep in touch.

  • Thank you for both of your messages - I will respond to you in more detail tomorrow x

  • I sent you an EMail last night but will reply to this message on here. It's very hard to de-stress yourself when things are tough and so I don't think it's a case of, today I'm going to feel better about things. I'm just working my way through each bit that I need to do.

    You say that nobody understands your situation, well you can also let off steam and talk to me if you would like too. It's often easier to see things when you aren't actually going through it as it is exactly for that person. I'm usually the one that's there for everyone else but when I could do with some support, there isn't much to be found.

    One issue that I have got is my age, I only have 6 months before my treatment stops, so I guess its natural to feel a bit panic struck. Each of my tries takes 2 months because there is a month for the follies to recover before the drugs are taken and it all starts again.

    I must admit, financially I do worry about, although I had to move in with family in order to save money, I don't have any debts though but have no money coming in either and I can't claim any benefits.

    By the way, you don't know that you are going to fail another cycle but I can understand why you think that as its natural.

    The other things that make you happy sound good; I have a bath every day but only because the shower doesn't work - so have lost out on the luxury of it all! I sometimes read in bed before I go to sleep too, although not having a job, its easy to not always get up as early as I would like. One of my biggest problems is that I don't know many people, its hard knowing how too when you get into your 40's! So hence why I don't go out very much.

    Anyway, by all means if you prefer, send me an EMail. I am also on FaceBook as well!

    Your not alone either, if I can help you in any way, I will. Where are you from? x

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