Stress; ivf, work, stenosis cervix abandoned ET, one or two embies?

[jray19]

Hello IVF forum.

I've been reading forums but never posted. I'd appreciate it if someone has the time to hear my story. I've been through the mill, and it helpes to share, and I'm hoping we can support each other on this arduous journey.

I'm trying to de-stress, as my new job in mental health is really emotionally challenging at the moment, and I've been trying to cope with the ivf rollercoaster and side effects from the drugs, whilst keeping my head, as my work requires that I offer support to others who are sometimes in crisis.

My 1st cycle egg transfer procedure was abandoned after they found my cervix was pinhole and no catheter could get up there without extreme pain.

I had had problems last year with the fallopian tube check and catheter causing extreme pain, but despite telling the ivf clinic of the pain and being offered a practive ET, the practice run did not happen and I so panicked phoning them saying I feared ET would not work.

On ET day, the doctor looked at my cervix, tried to insert the catheter and I yelped in pain. She said it was pinhole, scarred and almost sealed shut. They froze the 4 blasto cysts. I was referred for dilation surgery.

Two years ago I had a Lletz treatment for CIN pre cancer cervical cells, and a rare complication is that the cervix can seal shut/ small. Despite a post op check saying it was ok, mine seems to have later sealed.

After being hurried through the NHS system I waited a couple of months for dilation surgery under GA to open the cervix, (surgeons tried 3 times to insert dilation rod) and have now had a practice ET which went fine thankfully.

I'm NHS funded and have x 2 IVF cycles and x 2 FET cycles, but they've counted my first IVF live cycle as gone, though the transfer was abandoned.

I'm having FET on Wednesday. The side effects of hormones I find difficult as I'm sensitive to them; low mood, dizzy, nausea, and I'm struggling to cope with work now as had been keeping it all together for too long.

I broke down last week at work and went home yesterday, with them offering to see if there is counselling through their scheme. They have been supportive.

I am going to request annual leave to rest after the transfer, as I don't want the stressful crisis events at work (which have been really hard on the whole team this last 2 weeks), to interfere with implantation.

I'm 39, with 4 years of trying naturally- unexplained fertility.

The doctor who saw the state of my cervix said it was unlikely that sperm could get through the OS. The other two consultants said it would have been possible as my periods were coming out.

No-one knows, but I think the doctor who saw my cervix was right. I believe the stenosis cervix primarily was the cause of our inability to conceive, alongise my low fertility (AMH blood levels). I was so anry. I am not now, just looking forwards and trying to stay positive, but after 4 years, I am not expecting anything.

My periods for the last 2 years were extremely painful, light for a day, then heavy. I thought it was aging. It was my stenosis cervix- it was like a dam. My periods since the dilation surgery have returned to normal.

I'm hoping that FET works on Wednesday. We couldn't decide whether to implant one or two. We have x two 5 day high quality blastos and x two day 5 not so good ones frozen. The heart said x 2 implanted, the head said 1. We chose one. Now I wonder if two is OK. We know the risks of twins. I'm going round in circles trying to decide again at the moment.

My husband is a gentle soul and we have supported each other well throughout. I'm thinking of booking a 5 day caravan holiday for a few days after the transfer, to recharge and relax.

[Hopeful1982]

Hello Jray19, it does sound like you've been through the mill! It must have been a huge disappointment to have your first cycle cancelled but glad to hear you're ready for round two!

I went to see a counsellor last year and she was fab. It really helped me to cope with what your so rightly refer to as an arduous journey. So I would have no hesitation recommending giving it a go. Your clinic should offer it for free as part of the process. I also go for acupuncture which, alongside relaxation is supposed to assist with IVF.

Best of luck with your transfer. I think my clinic recommends 1 ET for under 40s and 2 over 40. Not sure if that helps as I see you're on the cusp of that criteria age wise!

[jray19 in reply to Hopeful1982]

Thank-you for your lovely reply.

My clinic only offers paid counselling, but my employer is supportive and looking into the assisted scheme. Glad you found counselling helpful through it.

Thinking to try one blasto.

Fingers crossed!

[Hollibob]

Hello.

What you have to remember with IVF is that you'll always ask yourself "what if".

I know what you mean about deciding about 1 or 2. The thought is lovely, but then there is the higher risk to you and the embryos. Just have faith in the little stubborn one that goes back in

A lot of clinics will suggest to you what they think from the grading and this is where you have to trust their knowledge and experience...

Glad they have managed to sort your body out. I'd had an abnormal smear before the IVF investigations which they did colposcopies for with painful biopsies.

During IVF investigations, the Hycosy was sooooo painful! It made me dread the transfer time when the day arrived, but I didn't feel a thing! These tubes are so much finer than the Hycosy ones and for that I'll always be grateful for

Wishing you lots of luck x

[jray19 in reply to Hollibob]

Thank-you for the reply. It makes sense what you say about it being an important decision. I'm trying to have faith but also not pin too much hope.

Sorry your hysco was painful but good your ET was fine. It's normally fine. My hysco was extreme pain and the ET was too, and could not be performed as my cervix almost sealed shut. It was a huge relief to have a practice run after cervical dilation surgery and experience the ET as painless.

[pm27]

Not surprised you fell like you've been through the mill.

You could ask to be signed off after FET for the 2WW, especially bearing in mind your work role. We went on holiday for the 2nd week after our first round of ICSI and that seemed to help manage the stress.

Wishing you all the best.

[jray19 in reply to pm27]

Thank-you. I have some AL booked and trying to decide on a caravan holiday. I am speaking to my line manager tomorrow. I didn't think of asking to be signed off, so will remember it could be an option.

[hopeforICSI]

Hi jray,

Having read your post I understand how you felt about this whole experience in IVF journey. Your struggle with hope and fear management does make sense. As I am struggling with it too. Failed one fresh embryo transfer and one FET, having make factor to go through ICSI, I am pretty much distressed in this coming round of FET. Trying to tell myself please don't built up hopes, it's would be very difficult to cope if something goes wrong afterwards. I am on NHS and availing counseling offered my NHS. I think counseling is supportive to take me this long, otherwise I can't imagine myself taking it on my own. We gone through five years TTC, and I am 38 now.... Alarmed of age factor and waiting list and make factor and failed cycles...... It's too much to take on ones own.

Hope you'll find counseling services arranged by your employer, and I wish you go through this round successfully xx

[jray19 in reply to hopeforICSI]

Hi

Thank-you for your reply. It sounds like you have been having too many let downs, but it is good you are getting counselling.

I read an interesting article on coping with ivf and it advised that not getting too excited/ hopeful is healthy, and that preparing to be in it for the long haul might help with not having to feel so disapointed.

Good luck and stay strong

J

X

[jray19]

OMG. 12 days past 5 day fet and we have x3 faint positives with 3 different test brands!

Fingers crossed. Does not seem real, yet I was so sick on Friday evening I thought something must be happening.

Will test again tomorrow and next day....

[Hollibob in reply to jray19]

How did you get on with the rest of your tests??

X

[Hidden]

Oh honey, big hug! Sounds like you are doing really well! xxx

[jray19]

I got more positive tests! Hope it sticks now! They aren't as dark as test line but are all there. 😆

[jray19]

Had light soptting last night and mild cramps.

Scared to get out of bed and check if I am bleeding everywhere!

My mind has jumped to worst case scenario as I fear a miscarraige, even though I know it could be normal.

[jray19]

Still spotting but it not much and watery brown. Tmi sorry. Just done another test and still pg. Phew.

I'm going to buy lots of internet cheapie tests so can periodically test for peace of mind.

Still can't believe after 4 years I am pg, so maybe I am over anxious. I am waiting for my first scan, which is 4th August.

Hope you all have good news. Anyone on the dreaded 2ww?

X

[jray19]

Had a miscarraige. Will get confirmed tomorrow with bloods but scan showed norhing today and I passed matter on Sunday. One week of bleeding still going. To top.it off, my nan is dying. Not a good week.