Heart breaking.

So I'm pretty much heartbroken. Can't stop crying. Our last ever cycle has not worked. I am so upset. Feel like a failure. Even with help I can't manage to get pregnant.

[Kernishp]

Oh my love. I'm so sorry. This is not your fault so don't blame yourself, you have been dealt a sh*tty, sh*tty hand and you have done your best with it. There is a programme on BBC Radio 4 on Friday at 11:00 called 'Drawing the line: When IVF doesn't work.' - maybe you'll find something comforting in it? Just a thought. I've said this before but you are a strong, strong lady- you do not deserve this latest horrific test. Xx

[Hidden]

Awww hun am so sorry life is so unfair kids having kids because they think its cool others having kids and mistreating them an so on so you think why them and not us when its all we want to cherish our we miracles am not going to say be strong etc because i found a week ago today my 2nd cycle didn't work and am still heart broken but its definitely nothing at all anything uou have done hun life is just so cruel massive hug to u i pray something works out for you as you definitely have so much love to give xxxxxx

[Lauren87]

I'm so sorry for your sad sad news, nothing anyone can say will make you feel better but please don't blame yourself - life is cruel and sometimes unexpected. Seek comfort where ever you can and please keep talking to us if it helps. Take care of yourself xxx

[mama_ejima]

Never mind. I have known of women who did not have much success with IVF and went onto to have children naturally. So do not loose hope, hope at times makes the difference.

[Katrina13 in reply to mama_ejima]

I know that you mean well, but saying 'never mind' is never going to help someone when they are suffering.

When I was ttc I heard stories of miracle pregnancies a lot and to be honest it is not at all helpful. This only happens to women with unexplained infertility, not those that have specific diagnosed problems that are not going to magically disappear. I wish and wish that it were the case that anyone could still just 'get pregnant' when they are no longer trying or treatment has failed, but we all have to accept when this may not be the case.

[mama_ejima in reply to Katrina13]

Perhaps, there is a cultural difference here because telling someone never mind, means to me try not to focus too much on what is not happening but try to be hopeful. Well, sometimes when we nurse the problem (diagnosis) with self pity we can never have our miracle babies. You have to believe and have unwavering faith. Anxiety does not help the journey of conception. Be hopeful you too will carry your own child.

[Hidden in reply to mama_ejima]

Hi,

it is fantastic that you have such a strong faith and it is good for you that you believe in miracles but let me tell you that there are a lot of different cases of infertility such as women with blocked fallopian tubes and ladies which simply have no eggs left.

There are other cases where they need sperm donation etc. Or cases where the own body attacks the embryo, so again these people need treatment. Anyway in these cases no matter how much you believe in miracles without help there is no chance of conception and we have to accept it.

This is not a case of self pity but simply the reality! And sometimes when it doesn't happen eventually we have to learn to accept this which is really hard. So in these times what people need is a hug, understanding and someone that listens.

I am sure you meant well but your comment seemed a bit insensitive and not very helpful!

[mama_ejima in reply to Hidden]

Yes faith without works is dead. You must put your faith to work which is not to give up on the possibility of it happening. What I said is open to interpretation and was not insensitive. Women still conceive even in the worse of scenarios. It may not happen straight away but if you do not loose hope it can happen for you too. I refuse to give up!!!

[crystal2013]

Hi Piglet.

How many transfers/tries have you had? Are you unable to try again due to finances or did you mutually agree this would be the last time? xxx

[Hidden in reply to crystal2013]

Hi. We have been trying for two years. 6 embryo transfers. Mainly finances. But also I don't think I can cope with anymore. Not right now anyway. Thank you for all the lovely replies. However I don't really like the comment saying Never mind. Like it means nothing. I know people say that it can happen. But we tried naturally for five years before we had the courage to go for Ivf. And yes we might try again naturally. But there is not much hope. Maybe I'm just being sensitive and taking it the wrong way. X

[Katrina13 in reply to Hidden]

I was very annoyed at the 'Never mind' and did reply, sorry if it was not my place to, but I couldn't help myself as I was pretty sure this would not help you to feel better.

I wish you all the best Piglet, I have followed your journey on here and know how tough it has been. One day at a time and perhaps you might want to try again someday, or you might decide to move on with a different life to the one that you so desperately wanted. Either way you are a very strong lady and you will be ok. Take care xx

[Hidden in reply to Katrina13]

No thank you for replying. Made me quite mad as well. Not fair to say! And your right did not help me feel better. Thank you for your lovely comments. Means a lot. I know to that I will be ok. But for now it does suck like mad. Thank you again. Take care. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

no you're not being oversensitive. Some people don't realise their comments can hurt.

[Hopeful1982]

Oh Piglet12, I am so sorry to hear this. As before, you need to take time to grieve before you can even think about the future and your next steps. It would definitely be worth going back to see your counsellor too.

You're still young so I don't believe this is the end of the road for you. Once you're ready you could start exploring your options again. I can see how much you would love to be a mum and it sounds like you have lots of love to give a child so I do hope that things work out for you. Life can be so cruel and so unfair.

Take care of yourself Piglet12 x x x

[crystal2013]

Nobody can make you feel any better. We all come on here and its a great help but ultimately you are in a dark place right now. I know exactly how you are feeling and what you are thinking. Have some time out. Put a pause on it. Go on holiday or put your focus on something else for a while and take the pressure off yourselves. That is what I did. Recharge your batteries and go from there. Take care Piglet and again very sorry to hear it has not worked for you again xxx

[Hidden]

Piglet...

I am sorry for you we all understand the BFN all too well.

Nothing I say will make you feel better. Be good to yourself don't pass blame on yourself. Take time and heal the rawness of this pain.

Scream shout kick punch until the only way is back up. Hope hubby supports you and catches you if you should fall.

My heart is with you xxx😘

Ps THE NEVERMIND comment is insensitive and wrong. That's not how to look at it at all . If you cannot support then I don't really think this is the forum for you!!!!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Hun. Hubby has been fab today. Rang the clinic for me. As I could not face it. Made me teas etc. helped me print photos of our puppy's photo shoot. Made me smile as they are great photos. and we love him loads. I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks that comment was a little insensitive. I thought maybe I was being silly. But nice to know I'm not. Thank you do replying Hun. Hope your ok. Xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hey honey

If it wasn't the forum I would have said much more 🙈😁

Smiles are a great healing process along with the support of your great man. I keep saying the process is unbelievable unexplainable and sometimes word cannot express the pressure we all face, sadly not everyone will understand what we feel every time we get negatives....

Stay strong, keep having those smiles.

Here if you need 😘

[ceyc]

Oh piglet12 sorry dear..i am.with you..was on the same boat early this month and so sad...i am trying to cope with what has happened but take time to mourn and get upset..we are only humans but make it a goal that the end you and hubby have to help pick up each other..after all you have each other to live for. Xxxtake care hun..tough journey but life is worth living.

[HopesforLuck]

Piglet, I sorry to hear how sad you are feeling and as you can tell we are all very upset for you. This is definitely not a failure on your part our bodies are all different and the truth is ttc is not so straight forward in reality. I can't add much to the other heart warming comments that have already been posted but do please let us know how you are getting on, a future post from you would always be welcome as we've all grown to know you and your story through this forum. It's clear you have a lot of love to give and right now you must give that love to yourself. X

[LHow81]

Hey Piglet, I'm so sorry to read this. I am now in the same boat just had our third and final fresh cycle took the test today and had a BFN. We do have just the one in the freezer and we'll give that a shot. We won't be able to conceive naturally as I had my tubes removed. I feel exactly like you do that this is my fault and I am to blame. I know that nothing anyone says makes me feel different even though I know they're right. If you want to talk I'll be here. I wish you all the best with however you decide to go from here xxx

[Hidden]

Hi! piglet! I can't find the right word to say how sorry i am to about your lost. However i can send lots of hugs and love to you. keep strong!

[Hidden]

Hi piglet,

I am so sorry to read this as well. 6 embryo transfers is a lot to get through.

May I ask if you have ever been checked for uterine High Natural Killer Cells?

We have a friend that had 5 miscarriages and she went to Coventry and got checked for it. They treated her with prednisolone and now she was successful.

I have had lost 2 embryos too and getting checked for this on Monday. (It's a uterine biopsy where they take a sample from the cells and it costs £ 360)

I am travelling from Scotland to Coventry. Anyway maybe you got tested for this already.

I am sending you lots of hugs and hope that whatever you decide for the future that you and your husband will keep strong and support each other. xx

By the way: I also think that the 'Never Mind' comment was very wrong and insensitive as well!

[jenny34]

I'm so so sorry to hear this. Please do not blame yourself. It is 100% not your fault; life is so bloody unfair. Sending you lots of love xxxxxx

[pm27]

Hi piglet12,

Really sorry to hear this. Sending you a virtual hug.

[TwoBlueLines1504]

I am so sorry to hear your news. We have just had our fifth BFN and we are coming up to our last try. I am also dreading the final result. You are right that the emotional toll is difficult. Please do not blame yourself you did nothing wrong it is just that life can be so unfair. You deserved good news. I am glad that your husband is supportive. I wish you all the best for your future. Xx

[Little3535]

Never mind ... Did I read this right ... Sorry but I words for that comment .... I'm im shock xx

It's awful what you have and are going through xx I wish you all the luck when you are in the right frame of mind to try all this again xx

Sorry to hear your news about trying for so long and no success xx

I hope one day you get what you deserve xx

Stay strong live in hope xx

[DSan]

Hi Piglet, so sorry to read your post. I've been through 2 failed ivf cycles and I can honestly say that it's the hardest thing that I've ever done. You are a strong person and you will find a way to cope.

Xxx

Ps, I've had both my tubes removed dueto damage by endometriosis so if I got pregnant naturally it def would be a b**** miracle !!

[Karen82]

Oh Piglet, I am so so sorry. I have no words of wisdom to help, all I can say is that I absolutely understand and I am just so sorry. This is a really horrible thing to experience and I think it must be one of the hardest things to have to accept in life. I have a friend in her 40s who also went through what we're all experiencing and ended up adopting. She has cried with me and for me because it still makes her sad, but she finally managed to accept it through giving her love to other people. I don't know if that's something I (or any of us) will do, but in some ways it's nice to know someone who survived this horrible infertility experience. I've been TTC for 8 yrs - it will never happen naturally and I get mad at anyone who suggests it (or who suggests "relaxing" - grrrr!) but I guess that most of us will just have to go through the awful experience of having to accept what won't ever happen for us.

I have sobbed over what my BFN means for me, my husband and our families - if we don't have kids our parents will never be grandparents. Let yourself cry and grieve - maybe have counselling if you need it, and remember that there is a huge group of women here who completely understand what you're going through - and who would never dream of saying "never mind".

Sending huge hugs,

K xx

[Dee22]

Hi piglet, I've just read your update and I'm so sorry for you and your hubby. You are not a failure, this is definitely not your fault. Sometimes we just can't explain why these things happen.

Take care of yourselves and take time to grieve. I wish you all the best xx

[WeeMrsH]

Sweetie I am so so sorry. You are absolutely not a failure, you must not think that. I don't have any words that can go even half way to easing your pain, just know that you're not alone. I wish you lots of love and luck- take care of yourself, you are an amazingly strong lady and somewhere you will find the strength to cope xxx

[Hollibob]

Sorry to hear your sad news...

It's not your fault, life is just cruel

Look after yourself x

[kirdrew]

I am so sorry to read your post. There is nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. Does your clinic offer counselling? Ivf is so cruel it allows us to hope and then without any explanation the hopes are dashed. You must allow yourself to grieve. I hope you have a good support network around you.

Take care of yourself xxxxxx

[Hidden]

its all so bloody unfair isn't it?

[sharpy87]

I'm so sorry to hear your news. Infertility can be so cruel. I don't think people realise that every day is a struggle when you can't get pregnant. My heart sinks at least 5 times at day at a baby bump or a TV advert for baby bath cream!

I hope that we all get our happy ending eventually x