Breaking down. Please help!

[Imd123]

Help please!

Hi, I Have tried posting on a couple sites for help but haven't had much luck. I am in desperate need of someone to understand. I have been ttc for nearly 4 years and have had 3 failed ivf attempts (1 full cycle 2 frozen). Our latest and last NHS attempt has resulted in a +ve results at 15 dpt and i have checked this quite a few times with various tests and had a 3+ weeks on a CB digital test on Saturday (5 weeks 3 days). My normal AF cycles are regular but erratic lasting anywhere from 30-42 days. But I can't shake the idea that my period will come or that this is a chemical pregnancy. I have always been a worrier and before I got a positive I was booked in to speak to my dr about going onto anxiety meds. I now don't know what to do for the best. The anxiety I am experiencing is crippling and I don't know how to make it stop. I don't want to risk meds if it impacts on a baby but I can't see the way I feel being healthy either. I do see a counsellor but it doesn't seem to help. I'm also tired of being told that I just need to relax and that embryos like 'relaxed wombs!'. I am so sorry for the essay but I feel so alone and like I am jeopardising the only chance I have ever had.

[kirdrew]

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I suffered anxiety in the past medication helped for a bit but I went to counselling that I paid for it was a different kind it was linked to hypotherapy. I can understand you worrying I think it is natural to think the worst it's a defence mechanism. CBT is also good.

Keep using this as an outlet and do what is right for you. Be kind to yourself try to have things to look forward too.

Take care xxccc

[Hopeful1982]

Hello Imd123,

You seem to have worked yourself into a panic! I can understand how you feel. I've been incredibly fortunate that my first round of IVF worked and I'm now 9 weeks pregnant. But, even though we're already seen the heartbeat I can't get stop worrying that we will have bad news at the 12 week scan. I think all of this is perfectly normal. We've been ttc for so long and we've probably both felt like it was never going to happen so it's a lot to get your head around when it does!

I saw a counsellor too. She told me to stop thinking about the future. Only think about today. Today you have a positive test and there's no reason to believe that treatment has not been a success. If you still feel panicked try taking deep breaths in and out and focus on the breathing (rather than your thoughts!).

I think it would be worth making an appointment with your GP too. You don't need to take meds but it might help to talk through your options.

Good luck! x

[pm27]

I've experienced anxiety and depression before and during treatment. I've had CBT counselling and have done independent reading on CBT and Acceptance and Committment Therapy. I find writing things down helps get it out of my head. I've also had medication for anxiety and am currently taking medication, I went back on medication after our first failed round of ICSI. I've been told that there are potential side effects for a baby after birth requiring a 24 hour stay in hospital to check for breathing issues, it's a very small statistical risk. Whilst I feel well at present I decided to stay on the medication to help manage the emotional demands of treatment and results. The clinic and my GP have agreed to the continuation of medication and we're soon starting our 3rd round of ICSI.

I'd suggest you still go and see your GP, just be aware that medication can take up to 4-6 weeks to make a difference. Your baby needs you to be well and medication might be part of the plan for you. In our area there is a counselling service for expectant mums but they don't book appointments until after the 12 week scan so ask your GP or midwife about that. I can understand your concerns about chemical pregnancy and your period coming and the wait must be agonising. Have you got a scan booked at your clinic? If not ask your GP for an early scan so you don't have to wait until 12 weeks.

Good luck!

[Imd123]

Thank you to all of you for your advise. It has been lovely feeling like people who understand what I am talking about are listening to me. I have a Dr appointment tomorrow and hubby is coming as I have a distinct feeling I will not be audible!! Haha

I have a scan booked for 7 weeks (next Thursday) so grateful for that although at this stage it seems so far away. I appreciate you taking the time to reply and I will look into all your suggestions as I am open to anything that helps. Thank you so much.

[pm27 in reply to Imd123]

Good idea to take hubby with you to the GP, I took my mother in law to an appointment as I knew I needed to go on medication and the locum I'd seen initially said I wasn't depressed but I knew I was incredibly anxious. Whilst I was able to talk coherently, despite crying, it helped having some support with me.

If you want to know about the medication I'm taking feel free to PM.

I really hope your scan goes well next week.

Remember to be kind to yourself and think what would you tell a friend to do and then try to follow your advice.

Good luck!

[Imd123 in reply to pm27]

Thank you. If it's ok I will pm tomorrow after my dr appointment as you may have more of an insight into what I have been told! Thanks again!!