Fertility Network UK

what to do?

im seeing my consultant next month to hopefully start treatment in july for ivf , me and my partner have been falling out the last couple of days about his drinking he isnt cutting back just not interested hes saying if i had the stress he has then i would understand why he drinks he said he hasnt got a supportive partner im trying to be there for him but he dosent show any appreciation

i just dont know what to do now with regards to carrying on with all the hospital stuff if the doctor knows how much hes drinking they could put the treatment on hold i havent asked

i just feel completely lost x

4 Replies

Hello. How awful for both of you. He is clearly struggling with something. I think you need to find a person who is a friend but impartial to taking sides of that makes sense. Someone you both trust and know your having Ivf. And all sit down so you can talk about this. I don't think he means your not supportive but sometimes men are just not good At saying what's going on. Also we can put added pressure to them without meaning to. I'm not saying it to be mean. I have been there with my husband. He suddenly did not want kids even though we had been having icsi for a year. I got angry and frustrated at first. Which was wrong as it made him more withdrawn. But once we both had calmed down and talked it through we realised it was just a wobble. I think you should still go to this appointment. As you still have a coulple of months in which you want to start. But I really feel he needs support and something is wrong. Lots of luck and sorry for essay. Xx



So sorry to hear you are going through this on top of everything else. I agree with piglet try to find someone on mutual ground but understands the dilemma. Alternatively try come away from everything and find mutual ground even its for a few hours or if you can a weekend just you and hubby. To try and talk things through and get back on crap, see why habits feeling this way.

Is the issue with fertility him or you? men sometimes just don't handle things it's becomes more of their ego than anything else.

As things are strained at the moment it maybe a further negative to him if you suggest counselling so firstly I would suggest trying to talk on different grounds and be open and honest with each other

Hope that helps in some way xxx here if you



hi Ro5ie, I bought my hubby a book called What to Expect When She's Not Expecting by Mark Sedaka (I think). It's a mans perspective of his and his wife's journey through IVF. My hubby and I both read it and it has really helped my hubby to understand what I'm going through and has made us much closer and a stronger team as a result. Although a serious subject he does approach it with humour so it's s good read! Only a few pounds on Amazon.

Worth a try!

Good luck x


Hi Roe, I've been in the same boat as you are in, I can understand what you are going through, and all above comments are suggesting great ideas to help you through this difficult time. Think over all above options whatever suits you. For me thinks were so limited that it was impossible to get a person understanding this ivf dilemma, as everyone was blaming me in different ways,and he was encouraged and pressed not to contact hospital. And I got supported by counseling session. It was really life saving experience for me, coz I could see clear perspectives though other lenses. That helped me a lot to cross and carry on this ICSI journey. You know what I mean, instead of suggesting him to go for counseling session, I went through, discussed his attitude at length, and my feelings and suffering as well. Perhaps I learnt how to to deal with him given his loneliness of defeated male ego. Hope you understand that. Good luck hun xx


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