Feelings

[Jojo84]

Hi just wondered if anyone here has gone through ivf have all their dreams come true to have a beautiful healthy baby and their feelings change for their partner???

[slak09]

Hi, I'm part within that but the feelings thing was that my husbands feelings changed for me and we have subsequently separated. I have an amazing LO through IVF that we waited and longed for for 7 years but am now a single parent! I know this isn't true for everyone who goes through treatment tho!

[Jojo84 in reply to slak09]

My feelings have changed towards my husband and I'm a single parent now. Sorry to hear that from you tho x

[Hidden in reply to Jojo84]

Hello. Our feelings have changed but in a good way. It was not easy. But it has now brought us closer together and can't wait to be parents. xx good luck with what ever happens to you. Xx

[nellynel]

that's a shame - do you think it was the IVF or would have happened anyway?

[Filmgirl101]

We struggled initially from really wanting and not being able to have a child to finally after 7+ years getting one. I called it the "now what" phase. We got through it after adjusting to the fact that our relationship had to grow stronger in order to raise her. We also had to accept that we could no longer act like teenagers now and again, because we had her to worry about. It meant compromising a lot of things. Accepting that no matter how carefully I paired her clothes up by outfit, Saturday and Sunday her drawers will be mixed up and her clothes won't match, because Daddy is colour blind and puts on whatever top he likes with whatever bottoms he likes, because in his world they match! I also had to learn to ask for a break. If I was up all night, then i needed him to take her for 20 minutes before he went to work. Once we got into a proper routine we did fine, but it wasn't easy at all!

I don't think IVF is to blame, children change everything. And the pretty picture of family life in ones head, does not translate. Children are messy and frustrating at times, but then they do things that make the sleepless nights all okay.

I think my husband was quite put out for a while, and then one day while I was feeding her in our bed, he thought she was pushing him out of the bed, when I told him to look at her. She wasn't pushing him, she was trying to find his hand. She wouldn't stop wiggling til he gave her his finger. I may have been the only one who could feed her, but she certainly validated his role as being needed and wanted.

Whatever happens, know that you're not alone, you've been through some massive changes and everyday will bring new challenges and rewards.

[seekingpeace]

Hi Jojo, what you're going through must be awful, but I wonder if there is a chance of working through it. I imagine your feelings for yourself have changed too - suddenly you care for someone else far more than you do yourself; suddenly your own needs are much less important than they used to be. And also, you've lost a focus - the shared focus you had on conceiving that no doubt made up a big chunk of your lives.

It's not surprising your feelings for your partner have changed, but I wonder if that is such a bad thing - perhaps you can both learn to live with feeling differently for each other. You've probably been through a couple of adjustments together already without realising it - when the first flush of love passed, when you decided to settle down etc.

You're facing up to your feelings, which is the very best thing you can do - I hope you get to a good place, whatever it is xx