Feelings and thoughts

Does anybody else have issues with there partner xx since being told we need ivf he hasn't spoke to me once about it x I know he's feeling upset and I know he can't say much to make me feel better because nothing can be said to do this.

I thought this would bring us closer together and further apart. I have never experienced this kind of behaviour from him x

I'm hoping that once it all starts he will become who he use to be.

Feelings take over in funny ways xx

21 Replies

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  • My hubby also doesn't talk much about it- there's issues on both sides for us which in a weird way 'helps'. I got very overwhelmed when we actually got the green light to go ahead with our first round of ICSI, I had been ok through all the testing and the diagnosis but then the reality hit. Hubby was not so good through the testing and diagnosis but is now 100% excited that our first ICSI cycle is about to start. There's so many hurdles in this crappy marathon and it's hard to understand why we sail over some and not others. Maybe your partner is just at one of those 'hard to clear' ones. xxx

  • Hi, from my experience my husband doesn't want to talk much about it. He feels it doesn't change anything. A lot of men don't like to talk about their feelings and a lot of women do. This makes it hard for us when we want to talk but it's his way of coping. Try not to put too much pressure on him to talk, he will likely come round when he's ready. I have a friend I confide in & did see a counsellor, both helped me. We now talk about it but it caused a lot of arguments initially, especially my reaction to other family members being pregnant, I still don't think he understands! Talking on here also helps. Good luck xx

  • Aww thanks guys kind of helps knowing it's not just my partner finding it card :/ just in some ways it's like your going through it alone xx I'm not pressuring him in any way I will just wait and see how he takes the process when it actually starts x talking in here definitely helps because we are all going through similar things at some point xx

    I wish you guys all the best xx

  • It does feel like you're doing it alone and I put pressure on my other half to talk, which definitely didn't help! So I'm glad you're doing the opposite of me. You aren't alone though, we're all here to support each other and offer advice. Good luck xx

  • Thank you xx the support and advice you get on here really is over whelming :) xx

  • I know exactly how you feel. My partner supports me coming to tests and doing nice things after to cheer me up. If I start to talk about the what ifs and how I feel he just changes the subject. Our sex life has suffered badly too! Too much pressure. It is a lonely game especially when your family and friends have not been through it, they don't know what to say. Best of luck to you x

  • Yeah our sex life has suffered a lot since we have been told what are options are in not sure why it's changed like it has xx but I guess pressure does some weird things to us xx alls I want is love and affection but because he don't talk I don't know how he's feeling or what to do for the best xx I'm keeping my distance at the minute is this doesn't break us up because of anything I thought it would bring us closer together but I was very wrong xx but we were told my the clinic that this can have a big impact on us and we do need to stay strong which at times it's easier said then done :/ xx

    I hope you become closer and I wish you all the best of luck xx

  • As everyone has said men don't like to talk about it our first cycle was horrendous in how it made me feel I was a mess and he didn't know how to deal with it came close to breaking us but it didn't and now we are much closer he finds it hard because it's down to him that it hasn't worked for us as he has low sperm count and mobility so ivf is our only chance you can tell how disappointed he is that it's his fault no one wants to hear that,he to doesn't understand how it felt when others got pregnant and how hard it was to be happy but we are very lucky to now have a beautiful little girl who is 3this year and now starting second cycle he has been much better this time and because of less drugs and a strong unit we are in a much better place x good luck to u both it will get better just give him time to get his head around it xx

  • Thanks for sharing your story with me chick xx I'm hoping that in the end me and my partner become closer together xx I feel like I'm banging my head against s brick wall sometimes xx esp when he doesn't show his feelings and then if I'm having an upset moment I can't talk to him because he looks at me as if to say 'get over yourself' but I think that's just him trying to be strong :/ xx

    I'm sure we will get there what ever it takes xx

    The saying goes ... Don't give up until you've got what you want ... I really don't intend too xx

    Best of luck to you guys xx

  • Hello all,

    I am new to this and still waiting for the appointment to start the ICSI. I felt terrible when I was told and could not stop crying. My partner saw it as a positive step and couldn't understand how upset I was.

    I am still upset and haven't even started so I admire all of you, you are so brave.

    I asked my partner to stop drinking to better our changes, he has cut down but not complety.

    Is anyone out there with similar issues? He might have 3 pints on a Friday and Saturday, am I being too stressed? Please advise strong ladies.

    All the best of luck


  • Men are so different from us women and at times I felt my partner didn't want a baby as much as me but I've now learned that's not true and just because they don't talk about it or show their feelings doesn't mean they don't care and don't want the same things that we do. They keep it all inside and try to be strong for us. Over time this journey will bring you both closer together as you will rely on each other heavily to get through the treatment. Nobody else except your partner and the girls on this forum truly understand what you go through and having just had my first failed cycle of ivf I don't know what I would've done without this forum. The advice and support every step of the way will be your rock. Stay positive and don't be too hard on your partner. Its a lot to take in so just give yourselves time and even though our sex lives suffer love can be expressed in other ways πŸ’š x x

  • Thanks for your advice noodles it really does help listening to how everybody is helping in different ways o don't put any pressure on my partner anymore and like you say sex isn't everything xx I just hope that in the end we do come out stronger but hey time will tell xx

    It's hard to take advice from friends and family when none of them are feeling the way we feel and none of them go through the things we go through xx it's a struggle xx

    I really sorry you've had a failed Ivf I really hope your get positive news soon xx don't give up xx it is really hard when you get knocked down to pick yourself back up xx but somehow each and everyone of us on here is doing brilliantly at just that xx

    I wish us all good luck xx

  • I think it's easy to forget about other aspects of life while you go through this journey/treatment because as women we eat sleep & breathe ivf/icsi but if there's one thing I've learned it's that this is not the same for our partners and we need to nurture our relationship along the way and not put it on hold.

    It's only been a week but I'm feeling positive for my next try with my wee frozen embie. Going for counselling on Tue to help us process our thoughts and feelings then we've got an appt at the hospital to discuss what's next on the 18th.

    Good luck with your journey 😊 x x

  • I really wish you all the best :) xx

    And your right along the way things do suffer but I'm sure that they will work themselves out in the end xx

    I always do what will be will be xx

  • Aw thanks...

    You're at the exciting stage where it's all about to become very real. I'll be keeping everything crossed for you πŸ˜‰ x x

  • Thank you xx

    What does it mean when you recommend a reply xx I'm new to all this hehe

  • I think it's similar to the 'like' button on Facebook (or at least I hope it is as i've been recommending loads of people's replies lol) x x

  • Oh lol ok that makes sense hehe xx now I can do the same lol xx

  • πŸ‘πŸ˜‰ x x

  • my partner dosent talk to me much about it and if i talk to him about it he thinks im getting onto him i try not to mention it so much he knows about the appointments and sometimes have to remind him of those ,when i found out i had to go for ivf i was upset but tbh he didnt really seem bothered and he didnt ask if i was ok or anything so felt like i was dealing with it on my own,

    ive been speaking to a friend about it and she said if the hospital think theres cracks in the relationship then they could stop the treatment we havent got any probs its just my partner dosent like to talk about the hospital stuff over and over it did upset me abit when she said that and she said one of her friends went for treatment but her partner wasnt bothered so the hopsital did allow them to go through with it

    im sure the doctor can understand its alot of pressure for couples and its taken me a while for it to sink in and i still get upset but they are there to support couples through it all x

  • Yeah I've heard that if there's cracks they can question if your ready to take this big step but I'm sure that's when the cracks are more apparent and I think that they must expect couples to go through some sort of hard times esp because of all the pressure xx

    I do believe that there is apart of our men that don't really know what to say for the best xx

    But try to think positive and I'm sure the clinic won't stop your process just because your partner doesn't show his feelings lots of men don't xx

    Good luck honey xx

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