Hi everyone. Just a little update from a very happy but always anxious Joey! I've been really quiet on here since I got a surprise natural bfp in october almost immediately following a mmc, which I really thought was my last chance at 43.
Well I've just had my 20 week anomaly scan (im actually 19w2d) and baby is healthy as can be and all fingers and toes accounted for, measuring 5 days ahead.
We also had a very early private NIPT blood test done and thankfully all was low risk and we are having a boy 💙👦🏻🍾🎉🥳
I cannot tell you how stressful and anxious the last few months have been. I've basically had to have weekly private scans to keep me from completing losing the plot. It only lasts me a day or two and I'm back to negative thinking.
After all these years of no positives (trying from 36), 5 failed transfers of 6 embryos, 2 mcs, at 43 my body finally figured it out. My colourful ivf history is in my bio in case anyone wants to see how much of a miracle this is!
Can I relax now? Absolutely not. I still worry it's all going to be taken away and I think I'll spend the entire journey like that. But I'm posting this now as by tomorrow it will have worn off and ill be back to panicking - so taking the good day when I can get it!
I want to really thank all you amazing ladies who have DMd me and given me such sage and wise advice. Calming me down when I was spiralling! You are all amazing and I am so grateful. No doubt I'll be in touch 😘😘😘
If you've any tips for managing the anxiety I'd be glad to receive them!
Is this really happening!?!?!?!?!?
Lots of love, Joey xxx
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Huge congratulations! As they start kicking and showing you their little personality it starts to get easier with the anxiety. However, I am typing this with my two month old son sleeping on me and the anxiety doesn't stop it's just about managing it, being aware of it and not beating yourself up about it even when others just don't get it. Also try to enjoy the pregnancy I created a playlist for my son which he enjoys now and I played alot during the pregnancy. I found it always put me in a positive headspace listening to it.
Thank you so much and congratulationson your little one!
Yes I've not experienced much movement. Had one or two taps like a little mouse is knocking last week but no more since, and last night I felt a rolling sensation but thats literally been it.
I really want to enjoy it, so so much. I just hope my brain will stop sabotaging me. Although I totally get why and as you say I'm trying not to beat myself up for it.
The music is a lovely idea. I will do that. Get him into some good rock music young lol xxxx
I'm so excited for you! And NOPE the anxiety doesn't go away - but it does get a bit more manageable as you feel the kicks like Aquaharmony says....
I actually started listening to rainforest sounds to keep me calm on the bad anxiety days - hahaha very unlike me.
Just keep quietly ticking off the weeks, each day is a little bit closer. I used to always get so annoyed when people told me how far along they were in weeks - like I'm supposed to work this out? But now I completely get it, because each week feels like a miracle and you literally cannot look any further ahead.
Hiya millbanks, thank you and thank you for your private support 😊 it's definitely a one week at a time thing. And on occasion it's been one day and even one hour at a time. I've seen myself just wanting to get through an afternoon !
Rainforest sounds is very interesting and frankly I'll try anything!!! X
Hey Joey. I am super happy for you to see you have had your 20 week scan and all is looking good. I totally relate to all the fear and anxiety you have described though as I went through similar myself. I found that I was anxious throughout the pregnancy unfortunately, I can't pretend otherwise but it was normal for the experiences I'd had getting to that place. It's similar for you having been through so much - but you just need to allow yourself to feel all the emotions even if they are difficult. Always ring the maternity advice line if you have worries around movements etc. Counselling could be helpful to discuss all the history and how you are feeling. Distraction is also good, keeping busy (but also giving yourself plenty of time to rest and relax). I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the luck. It sounds like it's all going really well but it's just challenging to get yourself in to that headspace after set backs which have lasted years. X x
I know you understand so well and had an even rougher journey. I'm on traitors USA at the moment and they are alp brilliantly bonkers so certainly a distraction!
Counselling is high on my list as next steps. Although I've done cbt before and didn't get much from it! I'm gonna start walking more and doing a yoga class, maybe the serotonin from all that will help 🙂
Sending you hugs and hope you are recovering well and settling into motherhood xx
Thanks Joey. We are doing well thank you. Recovery takes time (I had c section) but I adore seeing little one's face each day!
I know what you mean about counselling, think it's often about finding the right person for you. Walking and yoga sound like great ideas though, good for the mind and body and if you can try new places to walk I always find that quite nice.
Haba I am with you with The Traitors. The USA version is bonkers! I've just started watching the New Zealand version on iplayer. X x
Wonderful news!So pleased for you.Hoping the rest of your pregnancy is healthy and uneventful.I also dealt with extreme anxiety during my pregnancy.I saw a counsellor that helped and I also used a doppler(controversial)borrowed from my friend.I found it greatly helped me with my anxiety just to check that little one was ok especially as I hardly felt any kicks or movement from her.x
Thanks a million. I've really been trying to resist a doppler and supplemented it with 5 million scans instead lol costly but at least there's no ambiguity. If I don't feel movement soon I may just get one! Xxx
I'm sooo happy for you. The anxiety will not go away unfortunately but you can do things to keep yourself busy... whatever works for you I guess. You could binge watch some shows.
I was super anxious as I previously had a stillbirth at full-term. So whenever there was a change in baby movements I went straight to triage who saw me straight away because I was high risk and with my previous loss history.
I thoroughly enjoyed my pregnancy though, mainly feeling my bump and feeling my baby kick. I enjoyed eating and being away from work (I was signed off most of pregnancy).
My little boy is just over 6 months now and I'm over the moon and in love.
I had my baby 4 weeks before my 44th birthday and my baby was actually due a couple of days before my birthday in August.
Please do keep us posted. Wishing you a wonderful, safe and healthy pregnancy.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm so happy you're baby has safely arrived and you are in the baby bubble!
I definitely will seek help, at the moment I don't have much movement at all but I suppose i need to wait another week or two before I panic. Baby was moving about and I couldn't feel a thing! Xxx
I like you had weekly / bi weekly scans until I was 6 months pregnant - then I could really feel him moving around and my anxiety improved hugely. Hope once he starts wriggling round a bit more that also eases your anxiety too, it’s the best feeling x gorgeous scan pic 💙
Huge congratulations. I just wanted to say I can relate to this. After miscarriages/ struggle to conceive it’s really hard not to be anxious whilst pregnant. For me the worry only stopped when my little boy arrived safely, although with each week I did feel a little better especially when I could feel him move. However I didn’t feel any movements until 24 weeks and even then they were few and far between as I had an anterior placenta. Like you I had a lot of private scans. I also got a Doppler but that was just anxiety inducing and created me even more worry. I wish you the very best of luck. X
For me anxiety became manageable after I started feeling regular kicks at about 24 weeks. But it never really went away. The second the baby was born I felt like I could breathe again. I don’t really remember about half an hour after giving birth. I just kinda zoned out. And it was not because of the delivery since I was very lucky that both my deliveries were an easy vaginal birth. I think this whole IVF journey makes you anxious and a little insane 😂. So I think it’s important to acknowledge that and just accept it and not beat yourself up. And if someone thinks that you are being crazy or paranoid then so be it. Only people who have walked in our shoes can really understand the struggle. Anyway - I wish you happy rest of the pregnancy.
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