Hi all, I’m currently 15+2 with my first IVF baby. Finding this gap between the 15 and 20 week scans so difficult.. I haven’t felt any movements yet, so how do I know everything is ok?! I know I can pay for private scans but I really don’t want to have to do this to be honest.
My community midwife has told me that they don’t listen to the heartbeat during the 16 week appointment, which is far from reassuring!
Any advice on how you calmed yourself down during this time would be appreciated. Do you think I would know if something was wrong?
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Catmumtogoose5
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Hi, i'm slightly ahead of you and knew that 2 months with not seeing how baby is doing will be too long. We booked private scan and it gave me peace of mind that I needed. It's bit unusual that your midwife doesn't check heartbeat. I'd try asking her again at your appt and say that you're really worried. Mine said that after 16week appt they don't see you until 28 weeks which is super long, midwife even said that this won't work for me so she booked me in before that.
On feeling the movement, I haven't felt anything yet (17weeks) but also been told due to placenta being at the front of my belly I might not feel anything until much later. I keep looking at pictures of the scan and reminding myself that baby is doing fine.
Thanks so much.. I might have to book myself a scan as my anxiety is just getting so much worse! Glad everything is going well for you. I have diabetes so I have a lovely diabetes midwife and I’m seen every 4 weeks in antenatal clinic at the moment- usually this is to check my blood sugars rather than check on baby but I think I might ask them to help with reassuring me!! Xx
Hi there, so sorry you're struggling. A private scan in the middle might be a really good idea 😊 I really struggled with this time too - and I have to admit I'm a midwife and asked a colleague to listen a couple of times.
The problem with listening at 16 weeks is that we can't promise to find the heartbeat as baby is still tiny, and any extra weight you may have or the position baby is in might make it really hard. If we can't find it we aren't able to send you for a scan or anything to reassure you, so can cause more harm than good.
I generally don't offer it, but will listen if someone asks me to with the caveat I can't do anything if I can't find it - though normally I can.
If you are prepared to deal with the stress of potentially not finding it, you could maybe ask the diabetes midwife as there should be a sonicaid in the clinic. This said, a few hospitals have a zero budge policy on listening in at this point.
Thank you so much for your reply. My diabetes midwife has now offered to have a listen but she did also say about maybe not being able to find it, which worries me! I think a private scan might be my best option. I really can’t wait for when I can feel the baby move!! Hope you’re doing well 😊
I was the exact same - and had private scans at 10 and 15 weeks - 10 to feel I was going into the NHS scan at 12 weeks relatively confident and 15 for impatience and it massively put my mind at rest. In fact I’m now 26 weeks and haven’t had a scan since NHS 20 because they’ve all been positive so far (go me 💪🏻 😂) so my mind has settled.
At my 16 week appt I was all but ready to walk out the door but then stopped and said “aren’t you going to check for heartbeat”. My consultant actually said he’d check because I asked - so it might be worth you asking at your actual appointment xx
I booked a gender scan at 16 weeks to break it up. And then I booked a 4d scan at 26 weeks to break up the time between 20 week scan and 32 week scan (which is next week).
This is my first (and possibly last) IVF baby too. It’s best, I think, to have the reassurance after everything we have been through.
My midwife said they aren’t allowed to offer to listen to the heartbeat but she could as is asked. Took her a minute to find it but was very clear when she did.
I also have an anterior placenta and felt nothing till 26 weeks. They could see her kicking on the scan but I could feel absolutely nothing! This stressed me out when I couldn’t feel her, because I know you shouldn’t, but everything I googled kept saying you should feel something by 24 weeks if you can’t speak to your Midwife. When I posted on this forum, I had lots of lovely ladies reassure me by saying they had exactly the same.
Yes I had an anterior placenta, drove me crackers, so that coupled with previous losses, ivf and being over 40, at a few of my appointments i got what they call bedside scans…they just aren’t as clear or have a big a screen as the scanning room…but they did the job💕💕 that and private scans!
honestly I’m 18 weeks and I went for a private scan last night and feel much better. I also went for one about your stage. I’ve tried everything else but there is nothing that calms me more than seeing that heartbeat and baby moving on the screen. I have 20 week scan in a couple of weeks then midwife listens to heartbeat at 22weeks then hopefully will start to feel movements so it really is just this bit that’s the hardest. The lovely lady scanning me last night said the gap between 12-20 is the hardest for people and that’s when she sees people the most looking for reassurance (rather than gender or 4D etc). It’s the best £55 I’ve spent. I thought 16 week the midwife would do heartbeat (I’m sore this happened with my little boy a few years ago) but they said it is later now as they can’t always find it and it can cause unneeded worry xx
Cheaper than a therapist is how I justified it to my sister 😂 as honestly once the anxiety starts eating away at me it’s just not good for my mental health . I feel like a whole new person today xx
Hi Catmumtogoose5, I was really lucky and started to feel flutter feelings at 16 weeks. I have googled "miscarriage symptoms at X weeks" every week so far and it just reassures me to see them in black and white and know I have no reason to feel anything is wrong. If something goes wrong at this stage the chances are you will have symptoms. With that I got through to the 20 week scan, and things are going more quickly with each passing week. Feeling baby, seeing bump growing and being able to speak to them really helps. As I have gained more confidence I am doing more socialising too. (Making plans with friends I couldnt face during IVF.) You are in no man's land just now, but it doesn't last forever. Good luck xxx
Thank you soo much ❤️ I feel like I have felt the baby a few times already but I’m not 100% sure! They feel like random muscle twitches just below my belly button! xx
That sounds like it. I was amazed at how low down they were. They feel slightly different for everyone but at first I described them as like when you feel a fly has landed on your skin and you go to bat it away but there is nothing there. Then they became stronger like something was brushing my skin and I wanted to scratch it but the tickle was on the inside so I couldnt. I realised I was only feeling them when I went to sleep and sitting at work with my 3pm cup of tea which is what made me think it must be baby. They still occur similar times and places but no denying they are kicks now! Hang on to those when you feel them. The mix of that positive sign and knowing you have no reason to think anything is going wrong is really powerful 🙂
Hey, I also found the wait long and difficult, I'm 21 weeks now, around week 17 I started to feel some movement, but not alot and not consistent, so although v. Normal it gave me alot of Anxiety. I also didn't want to pay for a private scan.
My midwife did listen to the heart beat at the 16 week appointment, I asked for it. She said she may not be able to find it, but she found it strait away. I think you are able to request a doppler listen in at any appointment, apart from the booking appointment, as it's too early.
it’s very tough lovely, the only way of me getting through it was having a private scan. I had it at about week 17 and we found out the sex then too which was nice.
Hello, i felt exactly the same. I did book myself a private scan at 16 weeks as I didn’t want to wait that long before the 20 week scan. I also had a midwife appt around 17 weeks and they did listen to the heartbeat at that appt.
Tiny flutters of movements were felt around 16/17 weeks but nothing more obvious until past 20 weeks.
I know it’s easier said then done and I am the worst listener of my own advice but keep focusing on all the positive signs so far. Wishing you all the very best for a healthy pregnancy. Xx
19 weeks tomorrow. I asked for the midwife to listen to the heartbeat at the 16 week app and I was told no. Not even 'I can try but I might not hear anything etc' just 'we don't do this'. So I had a private scan. I went for another one a week later as I had pain and changes in my discharge and the triage refused to do anything other than uti test. I was told they have to deal with women who are more unwell than me. I started feeling flutters and taps the last few days, although inconsistently, but I am still thinking another private scan until my NHS one which is in two weeks.
I find that I can go -even with loads of anxiety- about 2 weeks without any reassurance. After that point I drive myself and my husband mad.
Oh gosh I can relate so much, sending you lots of love! Thankfully my diabetes midwife has said she’s happy to have a listen after 16 weeks if I still need reassurance, so I might take her up on that. If she struggles then I’ll just book a private scan.
It’s so hard isn’t it! Hope you are ok and sending you lots of strength 😊🤞🏼 xx
Our youngest daughter lives a few houses away from us so we see her a lot. When she was pregnant with her first son she was really anxious so I bought a Doppler as it was on sale and this gave her so much reassurance before she could feel him. She's on her third baby now and we still use it once a week. The earliest we heard a baby heartbeat was 11 weeks, it's still giving her so much peace of mind. I know Tommy advises you not to use them, but it's so easy to tell the difference between the different sounds that I don't understand how anyone could get them mixed up. I'm not advising you to get one, only saying that it really helped our daughter, especially in the first pregnancy.
I would definitely have a private scan though, that will help so much!
I had a midwife coming to my house and I got to listen to the heartbeat that’s what they do at 16 weeks check up, you can definitely ask is you feel anxious. Just a man anxious times I know Hope you are well x
Gosh yes I hear you. 17 weeks and haven’t had a scan since week 13 and next one is in 3 weeks.
Feels like ive been in no man’s land, just wondering if things are ok in there. My tummy is getting bigger so I’m sure she is growing but it’s such a weird time.
Ahh it’s so nice to find someone in exactly the same position! I’m a week behind you, 16 weeks today and my scan is 4 weeks away. Hoping the baby is doing alright in there!! Sending love 😊
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